Caught Up
Title:Caught Up
Author:Ceares
Fandom:The Sentinel
Pairing:Jim/Blair
Prompt: Nine & 1/2 Weeks
Author's Notes: I owe a tremendous debt to my three betas. Felicia who always takes whatever I throw at her, and especially Mab and Fanofall, who both stepped in and took on the mammoth task of controlling my comma abuse among other things. You were amazingly quick and helped make sure I got this done with time to spare. Thank you all so much.
Warnings: None
Rating: PG
Caught Up
The club was completely inconspicuous from the outside, and the blandly decorated, Sentinel-friendly entryway didn’t prepare Jim for the rush of sensory input that bombarded him as he stepped into the main room. Sounds, scents, colors and reflective surfaces were everywhere, and the other Sentinels he saw scattered around the room seemed to be reveling in it.
Not having taken his meds for three days, as per the instructions on the club brochure, Jim expected to be overwhelmed. Instead, his senses registered the stimuli with a pleasant buzz just below the surface. The heightened awareness, and almost physical sensations it caused were a surprise. He made his way to the bar, and the man behind the counter gave him a warm smile.
“First time here, huh?”
Jim grimaced. “Is it that obvious?”
“Oh yeah. You can always tell newbies by the ‘smacked in the face with a wet mackerel’ look they sport. Plus you all head over to the bar first for safety. You’re probably wondering why your senses aren’t running amuck right now. It’s all the Guides. Even without being tuned into one in particular, there are enough of them to make all this comfortable for a Sentinel.”
The bartender had answered several of his questions without Jim having to say a word. He also put a drink in front of him without being asked. Jim raised a brow in surprise when he saw it was his favorite beer.
The bartender smiled, eyes twinkling. “Magic.”
“So what’s the drill?”
He shrugged. “Mix, mingle, enjoy the atmosphere. We’re pretty casual here. If you make a connection, you know it. If it’s mutual, you go from there.”
Even though that was exactly what Jim was there for, a part of him for some reason was reluctant to leave the bar, or more specifically, the man behind it.
He received an encouraging smile. “Go on, man. You can always bolt back over here if it gets too much.”
Jim reminded himself that he had a job to do, and stood up.
#
There were a few couples so wrapped up in each other that Jim didn’t bother to try and intervene. He would have expected the atmosphere to be more competitive, but all the Sentinels seemed to almost make way for one another. He knew there were a lot of aspects of Sentinel culture he didn’t understand - his father had only allowed the minimal amount of knowledge required to help him manage his senses - and he supposed this was one of them.
His conversations all went about the same. It really was like every blind date he’d ever been on: tentative probing to see if interests were similar, if a spark was there, if there was any point in continuing the connection. Nothing at all to indicate these men were in any way forced or coerced into participating. He found himself heading back to the bar frequently. He’d stopped after the first beer, and the bartender had a smile, a bottle of water and words of encouragement every time he showed up.
A couple of hours in, and he was pretty much parked on his stool. He told himself that if anyone would know if something weird was up, it would most likely be the employees. He didn’t want to probe too closely into why he hadn’t bothered to try and speak to anybody else that worked there.
“Hey Chief, how long you worked here?”
“I started a little after it opened, about five years ago, why?”
“Just curious. I mean it’s a risky idea, considering the prevailing theories about Sentinels and Guides. I’m kinda surprised anybody showed up when it first opened. What did you have to pay to get people here?” He smiled to make it seem like he was making a crude joke. Jim tried not to let him bother him when the other man glared.
“Actually we had more problems keeping them away! It was co-ed at first, but there were so many people here that we opened a separate women’s club. The prevailing theories are bullshit, man! There’s no way a pill can substitute for the connection between two people.”
His voice had risen, eyes sparkling, and hands moving furiously as he talked. Jim was instantly and mortifyingly hard.
“Sorry. I get a little carried away about the subject.”
Jim swallowed and shifted uncomfortably. He casually took his cold water bottle and settled it in his lap. “Hey, it’s okay. I can see why you work here if you’re that passionate about the subject. Sorry about the pay thing. It just seems like you’d have a hard time finding Guides for this. They don’t really get the same thing out of it that Sentinels do, and you know…” He trailed off at the incredulous look the other man was giving him.
“Is that what you think? Guides were the first in line. It was harder convincing Sentinels it was worth it to give up their artificial aids. Guides though, without a Sentinel, it’s like there’s always a part of us missing.”
“So did you meet your Sentinel here?”
The other man frowned slightly. “No, I’m not bonded. You can’t tell?”
Jim flushed. “No, I mean…”
“Hey it’s okay. Those damn pills man.” He shook his head. “You’ll get the hang of it.”
Jim found himself staying till closing, even though he’d come to the conclusion that nothing was going on a couple of hours ago. He talked with his bartender and watched the other Sentinels and Guides interact with a faint envy that he tried to stifle.
#
“So?”
“So, everything looks on the up and up Simon. I mean it may be possible to conceal evidence from a Sentinel, but it’s much harder with a room full of them. The people I talked to seem perfectly legitimate. I got a few names and I’ll run a check on them, but at this point I’d have to say somebody sent us on a wild goose chase.
His captain nodded. “Okay. Well we had to check it out. It’s an election year and there are some influential people on both sides of the issue. The Mayor wants to make sure that nothing shows up to bite him on the ass later on.”
#
When Jim showed up at the club again the next night, he didn’t bother trying to lie to himself that he was there to follow up on the case.
A short, stocky Asian guy with red and blue streaks in his hair was tending the bar. A gold nametag identified him as Ned. He smiled at Jim.
“Hi, welcome to Club Sens. What can I get you?”
“ A beer please. A…” Before he finished speaking, a beer was sitting in front of him.
“How do you do that? The thing with the beer. The guy last night did it too.”
Ned laughed. “Well, it’s a little trick we like to do to impress the newcomers. It’s simple really though. Sentinels pretty much drink one of two kinds of beer. Since one of them is a local Washington brew that’s the one most of you guys choose.”
Jim supposed it made sense. He’d tried a few other beers when he was young but found them either bland or incredibly distasteful. He’d been happy to settle when he found just the right one.
Something had been on the periphery of his mind during the whole conversation and he finally realized what it was. “You’re not a Guide?”
He shook his head. “No, none of the employees are. The owners figure it cuts down on fraternizing.”
“No, the guy here last night. The bartender. He was a Guide.”
Ned frowned. “Seamus isn’t a Guide, he…oh shit, yeah, I forgot he had his sister’s wedding last night. Blair filled in for him.”
“Blair?”
“Yeah, Mr. Sands. He’s one of the owners.”
Jim hesitated a moment. Planning to run into ‘Blair’ again at the bar had been one thing, but actively seeking him out was something else. A part of him wasn’t sure he wanted to take that step, but another part…the part that had been thinking about laughing eyes, honey-kissed curls and a warm smile all day, egged him on.
“So is he - Blair I mean - is he here tonight?”
Ned cast a speculative glance at Jim, sizing him up. “The office is in the back, to your left past the restrooms.”
#
The door to the office was open, and Blair was standing with an older man. They were both laughing. The other man had a hand on Blair’s back, and Jim was surprised to feel a flare of jealousy. They both looked up when he rapped softly on the door jam.
“Jim! Come in.”
“Eli, this is the guy I was telling you about. Jim, this is Eli, my partner.”
Jim found himself subject to an intense stare. He met the gaze stolidly, and received a nod in return.
“Nice to meet you.”
“Same here.” He glanced back at his partner. “I think you’re right Blair. Anyway, I’ve got to get going. I’ll see you later?”
“Yeah. I’ll call.”
They were both silent for a few moments after Eli left, closing the door behind him. Blair perched on the edge of the desk; head tilted slightly, eyes bright. Jim felt like he was being judged. He must have passed because that same warm smile from the night before soon graced the other man’s features.
“So, is this an official visit?”
For a moment Jim considered pretending ignorance, but he had a feeling that would be a big mistake if he wanted anything else to do with the man in front of him. “Not this time, no.”
“Good. May I ask what last night was about?”
“I can’t say, except that you have nothing to worry about.”
“Okay then.”
“Just like that?”
Blair nodded, giving him a half smile. “Just like that.”
“You lied, to me you know.”
Blair arched one brow in a quizzical expression that Jim found himself wanting to kiss away. “Did I?”
“You told me the beer thing was magic.” Jim had edged closer while they were talking and he was standing directly in front of Blair now. Within touching distance. Almost against his will he found his hand reaching up to push stray curls away from the other man’s face. His hand lingered and Blair reached up, grabbing it in a strong grip.
“Well, magic is in the eye of the beholder.”
“Still, Chief, I think you owe me.”
“Yeah? You know, I always like to pay my debts up front. Saves on interest.” It was a low whisper against Jim’s mouth.
“That’s a good…” He didn’t get to finish before they were kissing, mouths colliding, tongues jostling for dominance. It wasn’t so much a kiss as it was a battle. Jim’s hand tangled in Blair’s hair, Blair’s hands gripped his jacket, fingers digging into the material fiercely.
They pulled apart reluctantly.
“Let’s get out of here.”
#
Jim woke to a warm body draped over him, and a feeling of contentment that he'd never experienced before. He lay there for a few minutes, savoring the experience before he gently shook Blair. Blair groaned and rolled over. His eyes popped open and he sat up hurriedly.
"Oh, shit! What time is it?"
"About six o'clock."
"Damn it! I forgot to call Eli."
Jim felt a flare of the jealousy from the night before. "What's up between the two of you anyway?"
"We're friends and partners. I've been staying at his pool house for the past six months or so. My old place sort of blew up."
"Excuse me?"
Blair shrugged. "It's a long story. Anyway, I better go call him so he's not worried."
Jim reached up and slid a hand down Blair's back, enjoying the way the other man shivered at his touch. "Well, just tell him we got distracted."
Blair grinned at him. "We did, didn't we?"
"Oh yeah."
#
They got distracted quite a bit for the next couple of weeks. Usually at Jim's place or back at Blair's, but a couple of times in the office at the club and once in the parking lot of a restaurant.
The feeling of being connected to Blair increased every day, and Jim knew that they had started bonding, though it wasn't foremost in his mind. The fact that they couldn't keep their hands or other body parts off of each other was.
#
Jim flopped back onto the bed, his body limp and sated. “Jesus! Are you trying to kill me or what?”
Blair rolled over and looked at him. Sweat-damp hair clung to his face and neck, and his skin was flushed. “You’re kidding, right? For an old man you have some serious stamina going there.”
"Old man, huh? Give me a little time and I'll show you stamina."
Blair groaned, but he grinned too. "Well I'm not going anywhere."
Jim stared at him. "You promise?"
Blue eyes stared back at him, for once very serious. "Yeah."
#
The summons, for that was what it was, to dinner came as a surprise. He, his brother and his father dutifully shared a family dinner once a month. The last one had been two weeks ago.
They were half way through the main course when his dad started in. “I was talking to Tom Hubert and he told me he could swear he saw you coming out of Club Sens.” Sharp eyes aimed in his direction.
Jim resisted the urge to squirm like a five year old under his father’s gaze. Steven watched both of them cautiously.
“I’m working a case, Dad.”
Blue eyes narrowed; his father watched him a few more seconds then nodded in satisfaction. “Hmm. I figured sooner or later they would get caught in something. If there were any justice in the world, the whole process would be outlawed. Thank God for the pills. So, what’s the case about?”
“I can’t really talk about it.” He changed the subject. His brother quickly picked up the conversation, and their father reluctantly joined in.
#
Between the renewed guilt the visit to his father instigated and the increasing intensity of things between him and Blair, he was starting to feel overwhelmed. Even his boss noticed.
“Are you all right Jim?”
Jim shook his head. “I don’t know. I swear, Simon, I feel like I’ve been hypnotized or something. I think about Blair all the time. I can’t wait to see him. Hell, just talking to him on the phone is enough to make me happy.”
He was startled by Simon’s laugh. “Look, I don’t know a lot about this whole Sentinel/Guide business, but what you just described sounds a lot like being in love to me.”
“What?”
“When Joan and I first started dating, we talked on the phone ten times a day. I could smell someone with the same perfume she wore, and I’d be aroused.”
“Carolyn and I were never like that.”
Simon shrugged. “Maybe that was the problem. The two of you were great work partners, but truthfully, it always seemed like more of a marriage of convenience anyway. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but some people need more than that.”
“I don’t know what to think. I barely know him. It just feels like everything is out of my control. You know how my family feels about the whole Guide thing, and yet I’m totally caught up in this thing with him.”
“Sometimes two people just have lightning between them. It’s an amazing thing, Jim. Look, if you’re really worried about this, why don’t you get in touch with somebody that knows about this stuff? They must have people that specialize in this.”
#
Jim had the card almost a week before he stopped by the university. Even then, he didn’t make an appointment, afraid that if he did, he’d just come up with an excuse to cancel it. He could admit that a part of him didn’t want to find a way to ‘fix’ things.
B. Jacob Sandburg’s office was in the bowels of the anthropology department. Jim had barely gotten off the elevator before his body started reacting. He knew this Sandburg was a Guide, but he couldn’t believe that he was going to react like this every time he was around a Guide. This was ridiculous. All the warnings from his father about how Sentinels were enslaved to their need for Guides were starting to seem like more than scare tactics now.
He pushed the door open to a muffled “Come on in” and watched fatalistically as a familiar head popped up from behind the desk.
“We…Jim!” Blair stood up with a bright smile and crossed over to him. “How’d you find me?”
“I didn’t. Or rather, I found B. Jacob Sandburg.”
He looked confused for a moment, and then shrugged sheepishly. “Oh. Well, I use Sands with the club because I don’t want an overlap with my academic life. It just makes things easier all around. No body at the club expects a Sentinelian, and no body here expects free drinks.”
“And it never occurred to you to tell me?”
Blair slid his hands around Jim’s waist. “Well, we’ve been kind of busy.” He only seemed to notice something was wrong when Jim stepped back out of his reach.
“What’s going on?”
“I didn’t come here looking for you. I came looking for help. I thought this Sandburg could tell me if there was something…if you had done something to tie me to you. To make me want to be with you all the time.”
It was Blair’s turn to step back He looked at Jim, eyes wide with hurt. “You really think this is some kind of… what…trap? Guides don’t do that. We can’t, that’s not what the bond is about. I thought you understood what it was supposed to be like.”
“What am I supposed to think? Nothing like this had ever happened to me before I went to the club.”
“Oh, I don’t know - maybe you think that we found something special? I looked at you, and I saw myself in you that night. I thought I’d found somebody who knew what it was like to have to show one face to the world and need something else.” Blair ran a hand over his face. “I guess I was wrong.” He turned around and strolled back over to his desk. Only a Sentinel would have been able to see the minute trembling that seemed to pervade his body.
There was a hard lump in Jim’s stomach, and for a minute he actually thought he’d be sick. “Blair…”
“If you start back on the pills after a week with no contact between us, the connection should be broken in a couple of weeks - a month at the most. Just try and stay away from any Guides until you’re back on the pills.” He rifled around on his desk for a moment before handing Jim a card. “After you’re set again, go see this guy. He can help you, and answer any of your questions.” He gave a weak smile. “He’s not as good as I am of course, but he’s pretty good.”
“Blair…I’m sorry.” Jim wanted to take it all back, but he couldn’t. He was too afraid of this thing that had him, that had them in its grip. All his life, control and discipline had been the keys to his success, to his survival. Blair was stripping all that away from him, and Jim had to stop it.
“Yeah, me too.” He grabbed his backpack and walked out of the office, leaving Jim standing alone.
#
The older man shook his hand. “Jim Ellison, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Joel Taggert.” He nodded at the chair in front of his desk. “Please have a seat. How can I help you?”
Jim fidgeted, uncomfortably aware of the pull of the other man. It had been almost a week since he’d seen Blair. He’d picked up the pills, several times, but he hadn’t taken one. He’d made a decision, and now he was here to see Joel so he knew exactly what he was getting in to.
“I had some questions about the whole Guide bonding thing.”
“I’ll try and answer anything I can, but it’s covered pretty fully in the Sentinel classes.”
Jim flushed. “I actually never completed the courses. My father…ah, he wasn’t exactly fond of the program.”
Joel nodded. “Of course. After what happened with your mother, I can understand.”
“You know about my mother?”
“It’s a fairly small community, Mr. Ellison; something like that happens, well, it sends a jolt through us all.”
“Blair didn’t…”
“Well, he’s only been in Cascade a few years and it was long before his time. I’m sure he knows of it, but I doubt he’s made the association. Are you and he bonded?”
“I’m not sure what we are. We started, but then I was…he told me that if I started back on my pills I could stop the process.”
Joel’s gaze grew sharp. “That’s true. You won’t feel much discomfort, though I have talked to Sentinels that say they can tell the difference afterwards.”
Something about his emphasis on the you put Jim on alert. “What happens with Blair? Does he just hook up with another Sentinel?” He winced internally at the thought.
“The process is a little more difficult for us. There’s no pill for us to take. We have to fight through the separation naturally. I’ll be honest. It’s painful, both physically and emotionally. It would be rare for a Guide to re-bond.”
“I don’t understand. Then why do it at all?”
“You tell me.”
He thought back to the past few weeks with Blair. The feeling like he’d been in a bubble all his life, and someone had suddenly broken through. He’d been caught up in a rollercoaster ride that had left him dizzy and breathless. He hadn’t known it was the same for Blair. He’d felt like he was the one out of control, while Blair was holding the reins.
“Is that why my Aunt Amanda did what she did?”
“I can’t really tell you that Jim. Amanda had problems, issues that escalated after your mother married and had the two of you. Not all Sen/Guide pairings are romantically involved, though most are. The situation with your mother and your is rare. Sibling bondings are almost unheard of. Because they were sisters, twins, they’d never been without each other. I can give you a lot of reasons it might have happened, but the truth is none of us really know, because we weren’t there.” He stared at Jim intently. “I take it your father never discussed it with you?”
Jim shook his head. There were a lot of topics not mentioned in the Ellison household, but that one was absolutely at the top of the list.
“I’m so sorry that we didn’t contact you after your mother’s death Jim. I don’t think any of us realized how your father would react, that he would blame the bond. Blame Guides.” Joel put a hand on his shoulder. “Look, in the end only you can make the choice. I can give you books to read, and let you talk to as many bonded couples as you can bear, but Sentinels are creatures of instinct in the end. You need to listen to yourself. Don’t be afraid of this. Accept what you know is true.”
Jim accepted the books, but he waved off the offer to make him an appointment with some other pairs, and he dropped the pills in the garbage on the way out of the building.
#
The phone rang just as he was leaving to head into the station. “Ellison.”
“Jim. It’s Blair.”
“Blair…”
“Look, I know what we said, but I sort of have a situation down here at the club, that I really need your input on.” Something in Blair’s voice had him on alert. He called Simon and explained where he was going. He asked him to send a unit by if he hadn’t heard from Jim in an hour.
The club sounds were muffled from outside, but the door was unlocked. Jim stepped in warily. He was shocked to see his brother sitting at the bar, a gun pointed at Blair, who was sitting calmly on the sofa.
“Stevie?” The smell of liquor on his brother nearly overwhelmed him, and he automatically turned down a notch.
His brother turned toward him, eyes alight. “Jimmy! I told him you’d come. He tried to convince me that you weren’t bound to him anymore, but I told him that wasn’t possible. If it was Mom would have done it.”
“You okay?” Blair’s eyes were inscrutable as they met his.
He nodded. “I’m fine.”
“Stevie… what are you doing?”
“I’m freeing you.”
“You don’t need to do this.”
“Yes I do. It’s my fault. I sent you here. I thought you could stop them, but I should have known you’d get trapped too. So I have to free you. I can’t let what happened to Mom happen to you.”
“It won’t. Steve, Aunt Amanda was sick. It wasn’t because she was a Guide.”
“It was! Guides enslave you. They take you away from the people that love you. Dad was right about all of it being evil.”
Jim carefully stepped in between his brother and Blair. “Stevie, listen to me. You don’t want to hurt anyone.”
The gun wavered. “I don’t, but…”
“I promise you it’s okay -I’m okay. You don’t have to do this. You trust me, right?”
His brother nodded.
“Good. Give me the gun, kiddo.” Jim breathed a silent sigh of relief when Steven handed the gun over. His brother seemed to collapse without the weight; Jim reached for him, only to find Blair already there. He laid the gun on the bar, and helped Blair carry his brother over to the sofa.
“Look…he’s usually not like this.” He didn’t know exactly what to say.
“It’s okay Jim, I don’t want to press charges or anything. Just promise you'll do something about it."
Jim nodded. Blair was being more generous than he needed to be. "I will. Can you call my captain for me and let him know everything is okay? Just tell him we don't need a unit out." Blair nodded and started for the phone. "Oh, and tell him he was right about the lightning."
Jim kept his senses partly trained on Blair while he worked to calm his brother down.
“Captain Banks? Hi, this is Blair Sands. Jim wanted me to call you and let you know he doesn't need a unit out."
"Is he okay?"
"He's fine. He's with his brother right now. Oh, he also wanted me to tell you that you were right about the lightning." Blair's voice was faintly inquisitive.
Jim could hear Simon's laugh through the phone. "Tell my detective that I'll expect a full report from him this afternoon. Oh, and I look forward to meeting you, Mr. Sands."
#
Blair came back over to where Jim and Steven were. Jim stood up, leaving Steven sitting on the sofa, his head in his hands. The pull between Sentinel and Guide was palpable. Jim wouldn't have been surprised to see an actual thread linking him to Blair. He knew Blair could feel the connection too by the startled look on the other man's face.
"You didn't take the pills?"
"No."
He reached out, gladness swelling within him when Blair didn't pull away. Instead his Guide leaned into the embrace, meeting his mouth eagerly. Jim finally pulled back with a reluctant groan. "Look I need to take Stevie home, and talk to my father, and then as you heard I've got to go by the station and see Simon. But we need to talk."
Blair nodded. "Okay. I can meet you later."
Jim reached into his pocket and pulled out his house key, giving it to Blair. "I'd really like it if you would, but I might be a while."
His blue eyes were lit with joy as he smiled at Jim. "That's okay. I can wait."
Finito
Afterward:
My prompt was Nine and 1/2 Weeks. My phrase was "I saw myself in you" and my object was a men's club. I haven't seen the film in years and sadly couldn't find it at my local video store, so in the end it didn't influence the story very much I'm afraid.
Sex is in the forefront of the movie and I did consider making that the focus of whatever story I wrote, but the thing that has stuck with me all these years from the movie wasn't the sex, but the idea of being caught up in something beyond your control. That's what I wanted to capture, and I felt the Sentinel, with its already inherent issues of control was a good format for that.
Author:Ceares
Fandom:The Sentinel
Pairing:Jim/Blair
Prompt: Nine & 1/2 Weeks
Author's Notes: I owe a tremendous debt to my three betas. Felicia who always takes whatever I throw at her, and especially Mab and Fanofall, who both stepped in and took on the mammoth task of controlling my comma abuse among other things. You were amazingly quick and helped make sure I got this done with time to spare. Thank you all so much.
Warnings: None
Rating: PG
Caught Up
The club was completely inconspicuous from the outside, and the blandly decorated, Sentinel-friendly entryway didn’t prepare Jim for the rush of sensory input that bombarded him as he stepped into the main room. Sounds, scents, colors and reflective surfaces were everywhere, and the other Sentinels he saw scattered around the room seemed to be reveling in it.
Not having taken his meds for three days, as per the instructions on the club brochure, Jim expected to be overwhelmed. Instead, his senses registered the stimuli with a pleasant buzz just below the surface. The heightened awareness, and almost physical sensations it caused were a surprise. He made his way to the bar, and the man behind the counter gave him a warm smile.
“First time here, huh?”
Jim grimaced. “Is it that obvious?”
“Oh yeah. You can always tell newbies by the ‘smacked in the face with a wet mackerel’ look they sport. Plus you all head over to the bar first for safety. You’re probably wondering why your senses aren’t running amuck right now. It’s all the Guides. Even without being tuned into one in particular, there are enough of them to make all this comfortable for a Sentinel.”
The bartender had answered several of his questions without Jim having to say a word. He also put a drink in front of him without being asked. Jim raised a brow in surprise when he saw it was his favorite beer.
The bartender smiled, eyes twinkling. “Magic.”
“So what’s the drill?”
He shrugged. “Mix, mingle, enjoy the atmosphere. We’re pretty casual here. If you make a connection, you know it. If it’s mutual, you go from there.”
Even though that was exactly what Jim was there for, a part of him for some reason was reluctant to leave the bar, or more specifically, the man behind it.
He received an encouraging smile. “Go on, man. You can always bolt back over here if it gets too much.”
Jim reminded himself that he had a job to do, and stood up.
#
There were a few couples so wrapped up in each other that Jim didn’t bother to try and intervene. He would have expected the atmosphere to be more competitive, but all the Sentinels seemed to almost make way for one another. He knew there were a lot of aspects of Sentinel culture he didn’t understand - his father had only allowed the minimal amount of knowledge required to help him manage his senses - and he supposed this was one of them.
His conversations all went about the same. It really was like every blind date he’d ever been on: tentative probing to see if interests were similar, if a spark was there, if there was any point in continuing the connection. Nothing at all to indicate these men were in any way forced or coerced into participating. He found himself heading back to the bar frequently. He’d stopped after the first beer, and the bartender had a smile, a bottle of water and words of encouragement every time he showed up.
A couple of hours in, and he was pretty much parked on his stool. He told himself that if anyone would know if something weird was up, it would most likely be the employees. He didn’t want to probe too closely into why he hadn’t bothered to try and speak to anybody else that worked there.
“Hey Chief, how long you worked here?”
“I started a little after it opened, about five years ago, why?”
“Just curious. I mean it’s a risky idea, considering the prevailing theories about Sentinels and Guides. I’m kinda surprised anybody showed up when it first opened. What did you have to pay to get people here?” He smiled to make it seem like he was making a crude joke. Jim tried not to let him bother him when the other man glared.
“Actually we had more problems keeping them away! It was co-ed at first, but there were so many people here that we opened a separate women’s club. The prevailing theories are bullshit, man! There’s no way a pill can substitute for the connection between two people.”
His voice had risen, eyes sparkling, and hands moving furiously as he talked. Jim was instantly and mortifyingly hard.
“Sorry. I get a little carried away about the subject.”
Jim swallowed and shifted uncomfortably. He casually took his cold water bottle and settled it in his lap. “Hey, it’s okay. I can see why you work here if you’re that passionate about the subject. Sorry about the pay thing. It just seems like you’d have a hard time finding Guides for this. They don’t really get the same thing out of it that Sentinels do, and you know…” He trailed off at the incredulous look the other man was giving him.
“Is that what you think? Guides were the first in line. It was harder convincing Sentinels it was worth it to give up their artificial aids. Guides though, without a Sentinel, it’s like there’s always a part of us missing.”
“So did you meet your Sentinel here?”
The other man frowned slightly. “No, I’m not bonded. You can’t tell?”
Jim flushed. “No, I mean…”
“Hey it’s okay. Those damn pills man.” He shook his head. “You’ll get the hang of it.”
Jim found himself staying till closing, even though he’d come to the conclusion that nothing was going on a couple of hours ago. He talked with his bartender and watched the other Sentinels and Guides interact with a faint envy that he tried to stifle.
#
“So?”
“So, everything looks on the up and up Simon. I mean it may be possible to conceal evidence from a Sentinel, but it’s much harder with a room full of them. The people I talked to seem perfectly legitimate. I got a few names and I’ll run a check on them, but at this point I’d have to say somebody sent us on a wild goose chase.
His captain nodded. “Okay. Well we had to check it out. It’s an election year and there are some influential people on both sides of the issue. The Mayor wants to make sure that nothing shows up to bite him on the ass later on.”
#
When Jim showed up at the club again the next night, he didn’t bother trying to lie to himself that he was there to follow up on the case.
A short, stocky Asian guy with red and blue streaks in his hair was tending the bar. A gold nametag identified him as Ned. He smiled at Jim.
“Hi, welcome to Club Sens. What can I get you?”
“ A beer please. A…” Before he finished speaking, a beer was sitting in front of him.
“How do you do that? The thing with the beer. The guy last night did it too.”
Ned laughed. “Well, it’s a little trick we like to do to impress the newcomers. It’s simple really though. Sentinels pretty much drink one of two kinds of beer. Since one of them is a local Washington brew that’s the one most of you guys choose.”
Jim supposed it made sense. He’d tried a few other beers when he was young but found them either bland or incredibly distasteful. He’d been happy to settle when he found just the right one.
Something had been on the periphery of his mind during the whole conversation and he finally realized what it was. “You’re not a Guide?”
He shook his head. “No, none of the employees are. The owners figure it cuts down on fraternizing.”
“No, the guy here last night. The bartender. He was a Guide.”
Ned frowned. “Seamus isn’t a Guide, he…oh shit, yeah, I forgot he had his sister’s wedding last night. Blair filled in for him.”
“Blair?”
“Yeah, Mr. Sands. He’s one of the owners.”
Jim hesitated a moment. Planning to run into ‘Blair’ again at the bar had been one thing, but actively seeking him out was something else. A part of him wasn’t sure he wanted to take that step, but another part…the part that had been thinking about laughing eyes, honey-kissed curls and a warm smile all day, egged him on.
“So is he - Blair I mean - is he here tonight?”
Ned cast a speculative glance at Jim, sizing him up. “The office is in the back, to your left past the restrooms.”
#
The door to the office was open, and Blair was standing with an older man. They were both laughing. The other man had a hand on Blair’s back, and Jim was surprised to feel a flare of jealousy. They both looked up when he rapped softly on the door jam.
“Jim! Come in.”
“Eli, this is the guy I was telling you about. Jim, this is Eli, my partner.”
Jim found himself subject to an intense stare. He met the gaze stolidly, and received a nod in return.
“Nice to meet you.”
“Same here.” He glanced back at his partner. “I think you’re right Blair. Anyway, I’ve got to get going. I’ll see you later?”
“Yeah. I’ll call.”
They were both silent for a few moments after Eli left, closing the door behind him. Blair perched on the edge of the desk; head tilted slightly, eyes bright. Jim felt like he was being judged. He must have passed because that same warm smile from the night before soon graced the other man’s features.
“So, is this an official visit?”
For a moment Jim considered pretending ignorance, but he had a feeling that would be a big mistake if he wanted anything else to do with the man in front of him. “Not this time, no.”
“Good. May I ask what last night was about?”
“I can’t say, except that you have nothing to worry about.”
“Okay then.”
“Just like that?”
Blair nodded, giving him a half smile. “Just like that.”
“You lied, to me you know.”
Blair arched one brow in a quizzical expression that Jim found himself wanting to kiss away. “Did I?”
“You told me the beer thing was magic.” Jim had edged closer while they were talking and he was standing directly in front of Blair now. Within touching distance. Almost against his will he found his hand reaching up to push stray curls away from the other man’s face. His hand lingered and Blair reached up, grabbing it in a strong grip.
“Well, magic is in the eye of the beholder.”
“Still, Chief, I think you owe me.”
“Yeah? You know, I always like to pay my debts up front. Saves on interest.” It was a low whisper against Jim’s mouth.
“That’s a good…” He didn’t get to finish before they were kissing, mouths colliding, tongues jostling for dominance. It wasn’t so much a kiss as it was a battle. Jim’s hand tangled in Blair’s hair, Blair’s hands gripped his jacket, fingers digging into the material fiercely.
They pulled apart reluctantly.
“Let’s get out of here.”
#
Jim woke to a warm body draped over him, and a feeling of contentment that he'd never experienced before. He lay there for a few minutes, savoring the experience before he gently shook Blair. Blair groaned and rolled over. His eyes popped open and he sat up hurriedly.
"Oh, shit! What time is it?"
"About six o'clock."
"Damn it! I forgot to call Eli."
Jim felt a flare of the jealousy from the night before. "What's up between the two of you anyway?"
"We're friends and partners. I've been staying at his pool house for the past six months or so. My old place sort of blew up."
"Excuse me?"
Blair shrugged. "It's a long story. Anyway, I better go call him so he's not worried."
Jim reached up and slid a hand down Blair's back, enjoying the way the other man shivered at his touch. "Well, just tell him we got distracted."
Blair grinned at him. "We did, didn't we?"
"Oh yeah."
#
They got distracted quite a bit for the next couple of weeks. Usually at Jim's place or back at Blair's, but a couple of times in the office at the club and once in the parking lot of a restaurant.
The feeling of being connected to Blair increased every day, and Jim knew that they had started bonding, though it wasn't foremost in his mind. The fact that they couldn't keep their hands or other body parts off of each other was.
#
Jim flopped back onto the bed, his body limp and sated. “Jesus! Are you trying to kill me or what?”
Blair rolled over and looked at him. Sweat-damp hair clung to his face and neck, and his skin was flushed. “You’re kidding, right? For an old man you have some serious stamina going there.”
"Old man, huh? Give me a little time and I'll show you stamina."
Blair groaned, but he grinned too. "Well I'm not going anywhere."
Jim stared at him. "You promise?"
Blue eyes stared back at him, for once very serious. "Yeah."
#
The summons, for that was what it was, to dinner came as a surprise. He, his brother and his father dutifully shared a family dinner once a month. The last one had been two weeks ago.
They were half way through the main course when his dad started in. “I was talking to Tom Hubert and he told me he could swear he saw you coming out of Club Sens.” Sharp eyes aimed in his direction.
Jim resisted the urge to squirm like a five year old under his father’s gaze. Steven watched both of them cautiously.
“I’m working a case, Dad.”
Blue eyes narrowed; his father watched him a few more seconds then nodded in satisfaction. “Hmm. I figured sooner or later they would get caught in something. If there were any justice in the world, the whole process would be outlawed. Thank God for the pills. So, what’s the case about?”
“I can’t really talk about it.” He changed the subject. His brother quickly picked up the conversation, and their father reluctantly joined in.
#
Between the renewed guilt the visit to his father instigated and the increasing intensity of things between him and Blair, he was starting to feel overwhelmed. Even his boss noticed.
“Are you all right Jim?”
Jim shook his head. “I don’t know. I swear, Simon, I feel like I’ve been hypnotized or something. I think about Blair all the time. I can’t wait to see him. Hell, just talking to him on the phone is enough to make me happy.”
He was startled by Simon’s laugh. “Look, I don’t know a lot about this whole Sentinel/Guide business, but what you just described sounds a lot like being in love to me.”
“What?”
“When Joan and I first started dating, we talked on the phone ten times a day. I could smell someone with the same perfume she wore, and I’d be aroused.”
“Carolyn and I were never like that.”
Simon shrugged. “Maybe that was the problem. The two of you were great work partners, but truthfully, it always seemed like more of a marriage of convenience anyway. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but some people need more than that.”
“I don’t know what to think. I barely know him. It just feels like everything is out of my control. You know how my family feels about the whole Guide thing, and yet I’m totally caught up in this thing with him.”
“Sometimes two people just have lightning between them. It’s an amazing thing, Jim. Look, if you’re really worried about this, why don’t you get in touch with somebody that knows about this stuff? They must have people that specialize in this.”
#
Jim had the card almost a week before he stopped by the university. Even then, he didn’t make an appointment, afraid that if he did, he’d just come up with an excuse to cancel it. He could admit that a part of him didn’t want to find a way to ‘fix’ things.
B. Jacob Sandburg’s office was in the bowels of the anthropology department. Jim had barely gotten off the elevator before his body started reacting. He knew this Sandburg was a Guide, but he couldn’t believe that he was going to react like this every time he was around a Guide. This was ridiculous. All the warnings from his father about how Sentinels were enslaved to their need for Guides were starting to seem like more than scare tactics now.
He pushed the door open to a muffled “Come on in” and watched fatalistically as a familiar head popped up from behind the desk.
“We…Jim!” Blair stood up with a bright smile and crossed over to him. “How’d you find me?”
“I didn’t. Or rather, I found B. Jacob Sandburg.”
He looked confused for a moment, and then shrugged sheepishly. “Oh. Well, I use Sands with the club because I don’t want an overlap with my academic life. It just makes things easier all around. No body at the club expects a Sentinelian, and no body here expects free drinks.”
“And it never occurred to you to tell me?”
Blair slid his hands around Jim’s waist. “Well, we’ve been kind of busy.” He only seemed to notice something was wrong when Jim stepped back out of his reach.
“What’s going on?”
“I didn’t come here looking for you. I came looking for help. I thought this Sandburg could tell me if there was something…if you had done something to tie me to you. To make me want to be with you all the time.”
It was Blair’s turn to step back He looked at Jim, eyes wide with hurt. “You really think this is some kind of… what…trap? Guides don’t do that. We can’t, that’s not what the bond is about. I thought you understood what it was supposed to be like.”
“What am I supposed to think? Nothing like this had ever happened to me before I went to the club.”
“Oh, I don’t know - maybe you think that we found something special? I looked at you, and I saw myself in you that night. I thought I’d found somebody who knew what it was like to have to show one face to the world and need something else.” Blair ran a hand over his face. “I guess I was wrong.” He turned around and strolled back over to his desk. Only a Sentinel would have been able to see the minute trembling that seemed to pervade his body.
There was a hard lump in Jim’s stomach, and for a minute he actually thought he’d be sick. “Blair…”
“If you start back on the pills after a week with no contact between us, the connection should be broken in a couple of weeks - a month at the most. Just try and stay away from any Guides until you’re back on the pills.” He rifled around on his desk for a moment before handing Jim a card. “After you’re set again, go see this guy. He can help you, and answer any of your questions.” He gave a weak smile. “He’s not as good as I am of course, but he’s pretty good.”
“Blair…I’m sorry.” Jim wanted to take it all back, but he couldn’t. He was too afraid of this thing that had him, that had them in its grip. All his life, control and discipline had been the keys to his success, to his survival. Blair was stripping all that away from him, and Jim had to stop it.
“Yeah, me too.” He grabbed his backpack and walked out of the office, leaving Jim standing alone.
#
The older man shook his hand. “Jim Ellison, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Joel Taggert.” He nodded at the chair in front of his desk. “Please have a seat. How can I help you?”
Jim fidgeted, uncomfortably aware of the pull of the other man. It had been almost a week since he’d seen Blair. He’d picked up the pills, several times, but he hadn’t taken one. He’d made a decision, and now he was here to see Joel so he knew exactly what he was getting in to.
“I had some questions about the whole Guide bonding thing.”
“I’ll try and answer anything I can, but it’s covered pretty fully in the Sentinel classes.”
Jim flushed. “I actually never completed the courses. My father…ah, he wasn’t exactly fond of the program.”
Joel nodded. “Of course. After what happened with your mother, I can understand.”
“You know about my mother?”
“It’s a fairly small community, Mr. Ellison; something like that happens, well, it sends a jolt through us all.”
“Blair didn’t…”
“Well, he’s only been in Cascade a few years and it was long before his time. I’m sure he knows of it, but I doubt he’s made the association. Are you and he bonded?”
“I’m not sure what we are. We started, but then I was…he told me that if I started back on my pills I could stop the process.”
Joel’s gaze grew sharp. “That’s true. You won’t feel much discomfort, though I have talked to Sentinels that say they can tell the difference afterwards.”
Something about his emphasis on the you put Jim on alert. “What happens with Blair? Does he just hook up with another Sentinel?” He winced internally at the thought.
“The process is a little more difficult for us. There’s no pill for us to take. We have to fight through the separation naturally. I’ll be honest. It’s painful, both physically and emotionally. It would be rare for a Guide to re-bond.”
“I don’t understand. Then why do it at all?”
“You tell me.”
He thought back to the past few weeks with Blair. The feeling like he’d been in a bubble all his life, and someone had suddenly broken through. He’d been caught up in a rollercoaster ride that had left him dizzy and breathless. He hadn’t known it was the same for Blair. He’d felt like he was the one out of control, while Blair was holding the reins.
“Is that why my Aunt Amanda did what she did?”
“I can’t really tell you that Jim. Amanda had problems, issues that escalated after your mother married and had the two of you. Not all Sen/Guide pairings are romantically involved, though most are. The situation with your mother and your is rare. Sibling bondings are almost unheard of. Because they were sisters, twins, they’d never been without each other. I can give you a lot of reasons it might have happened, but the truth is none of us really know, because we weren’t there.” He stared at Jim intently. “I take it your father never discussed it with you?”
Jim shook his head. There were a lot of topics not mentioned in the Ellison household, but that one was absolutely at the top of the list.
“I’m so sorry that we didn’t contact you after your mother’s death Jim. I don’t think any of us realized how your father would react, that he would blame the bond. Blame Guides.” Joel put a hand on his shoulder. “Look, in the end only you can make the choice. I can give you books to read, and let you talk to as many bonded couples as you can bear, but Sentinels are creatures of instinct in the end. You need to listen to yourself. Don’t be afraid of this. Accept what you know is true.”
Jim accepted the books, but he waved off the offer to make him an appointment with some other pairs, and he dropped the pills in the garbage on the way out of the building.
#
The phone rang just as he was leaving to head into the station. “Ellison.”
“Jim. It’s Blair.”
“Blair…”
“Look, I know what we said, but I sort of have a situation down here at the club, that I really need your input on.” Something in Blair’s voice had him on alert. He called Simon and explained where he was going. He asked him to send a unit by if he hadn’t heard from Jim in an hour.
The club sounds were muffled from outside, but the door was unlocked. Jim stepped in warily. He was shocked to see his brother sitting at the bar, a gun pointed at Blair, who was sitting calmly on the sofa.
“Stevie?” The smell of liquor on his brother nearly overwhelmed him, and he automatically turned down a notch.
His brother turned toward him, eyes alight. “Jimmy! I told him you’d come. He tried to convince me that you weren’t bound to him anymore, but I told him that wasn’t possible. If it was Mom would have done it.”
“You okay?” Blair’s eyes were inscrutable as they met his.
He nodded. “I’m fine.”
“Stevie… what are you doing?”
“I’m freeing you.”
“You don’t need to do this.”
“Yes I do. It’s my fault. I sent you here. I thought you could stop them, but I should have known you’d get trapped too. So I have to free you. I can’t let what happened to Mom happen to you.”
“It won’t. Steve, Aunt Amanda was sick. It wasn’t because she was a Guide.”
“It was! Guides enslave you. They take you away from the people that love you. Dad was right about all of it being evil.”
Jim carefully stepped in between his brother and Blair. “Stevie, listen to me. You don’t want to hurt anyone.”
The gun wavered. “I don’t, but…”
“I promise you it’s okay -I’m okay. You don’t have to do this. You trust me, right?”
His brother nodded.
“Good. Give me the gun, kiddo.” Jim breathed a silent sigh of relief when Steven handed the gun over. His brother seemed to collapse without the weight; Jim reached for him, only to find Blair already there. He laid the gun on the bar, and helped Blair carry his brother over to the sofa.
“Look…he’s usually not like this.” He didn’t know exactly what to say.
“It’s okay Jim, I don’t want to press charges or anything. Just promise you'll do something about it."
Jim nodded. Blair was being more generous than he needed to be. "I will. Can you call my captain for me and let him know everything is okay? Just tell him we don't need a unit out." Blair nodded and started for the phone. "Oh, and tell him he was right about the lightning."
Jim kept his senses partly trained on Blair while he worked to calm his brother down.
“Captain Banks? Hi, this is Blair Sands. Jim wanted me to call you and let you know he doesn't need a unit out."
"Is he okay?"
"He's fine. He's with his brother right now. Oh, he also wanted me to tell you that you were right about the lightning." Blair's voice was faintly inquisitive.
Jim could hear Simon's laugh through the phone. "Tell my detective that I'll expect a full report from him this afternoon. Oh, and I look forward to meeting you, Mr. Sands."
#
Blair came back over to where Jim and Steven were. Jim stood up, leaving Steven sitting on the sofa, his head in his hands. The pull between Sentinel and Guide was palpable. Jim wouldn't have been surprised to see an actual thread linking him to Blair. He knew Blair could feel the connection too by the startled look on the other man's face.
"You didn't take the pills?"
"No."
He reached out, gladness swelling within him when Blair didn't pull away. Instead his Guide leaned into the embrace, meeting his mouth eagerly. Jim finally pulled back with a reluctant groan. "Look I need to take Stevie home, and talk to my father, and then as you heard I've got to go by the station and see Simon. But we need to talk."
Blair nodded. "Okay. I can meet you later."
Jim reached into his pocket and pulled out his house key, giving it to Blair. "I'd really like it if you would, but I might be a while."
His blue eyes were lit with joy as he smiled at Jim. "That's okay. I can wait."
Finito
Afterward:
My prompt was Nine and 1/2 Weeks. My phrase was "I saw myself in you" and my object was a men's club. I haven't seen the film in years and sadly couldn't find it at my local video store, so in the end it didn't influence the story very much I'm afraid.
Sex is in the forefront of the movie and I did consider making that the focus of whatever story I wrote, but the thing that has stuck with me all these years from the movie wasn't the sex, but the idea of being caught up in something beyond your control. That's what I wanted to capture, and I felt the Sentinel, with its already inherent issues of control was a good format for that.