Fast Five
\o/
So if you're looking for a cleaver and witty, yet affectionate review? Sadly, this is not it. Actually if you find that review, direct me to it.
this is mostly just thoughts and squee, spoilers abound, natch. (long, but then again this should not be a surprise.)
Okay, 1st thought when watching this movie was where the hell is all the sub!Brian fic?
It's been a while since I watched the other movies but if he was this subby in them it didn't strike me as hard. Maybe because in the others he was always undercover and working and this one, he was just being Brian but there was pretty much not a decision or a conversation that he did not literally look to Dom and nothing he didn't back Dom on.
Okay, this one was not as overtly slashy as the others but it totally felt like a D/B + M/B menage a trois.
Other points
I believe Paul Walker keeps trying to make himself less beautiful with the scruff and the short dark hair...does not work as long as you keep flashing those pretty eyes and that goofy, adoring smile. JSYK.
Not saying TPTB are slashy but if nothing else, they believe in the bromance since they pretty much gave Tyrese to Mr. Bridges after a few jealous glares at Dom. The obvious conflict between Bri's ex and current was pretty non existent. They saved it for Dom/Mr. Johnson.
Which, okay there's brilliant, good,okay and bad in action movies. I've seen the bad, believe me! (I'm looking at you Clash of the Titans,Gamer,12Rounds,Transformers2 and GI Joe). F&F always manages to hit good(for a value of good) to me because they actually try plotty things and character things and they may not be deep or brilliantly acted but for the most part they aren't confusing or just outright stupid either.
See bad would have been having Dom fight Rome and having him fight Mr. Johnson just to get the 'big guys against each other' fix in. Instead they actually went for somewhat subtle(you know, for this kind of movie) and had 1 fight. They also kept the macho posturing to a dull roar, and threw in a character point from way back in the 1st movie.
Actually they harkened a lot back to the first movie with the family theme and bringing in characters from all the previous movies was a gimmick that really worked for me. Especially Han(who survey says is looking fiiine! Don't go to Tokyo Han!).
I mean they went for poignancy, they went for nostalgia, comedy, action, themes of loyalty and family and team...all things that make me very happy.
Trufax complaints
Jordana Brewster was way too skinny. The other women were very slender as well but her's looks unnatural. Frankly I wish they'd killed her off and kept Letty in the fourth movie, but that is more to do with my unending crush on Michelle Rodriguez than anything.
Hate they killed off Mr. Johnson's team. I was hoping for a US Marshalls type of spin off. Also cause I want Alimi Ballard to
have a job. And cute Asian guy with the weird mohawk--he should totally work also.
Mr. Johnson's goatee was too sweaty. (IKR--shallow as a sheet of paper)
There was no true race in this one. We got a super cute mini-race and aftermath, a car stunt, the teasers where we never actually saw the races and the final car chase with safes but really there was not enough driving for me. I know Mr. Johnson said 'never, ever, let them get in cars' but come on.
Also, they fucking killed Dom's car! Not cool.
I admit that watching them race is kinda like porny foreplay for me--for them as well I think.
So if you're looking for a cleaver and witty, yet affectionate review? Sadly, this is not it. Actually if you find that review, direct me to it.
this is mostly just thoughts and squee, spoilers abound, natch. (long, but then again this should not be a surprise.)
Okay, 1st thought when watching this movie was where the hell is all the sub!Brian fic?
It's been a while since I watched the other movies but if he was this subby in them it didn't strike me as hard. Maybe because in the others he was always undercover and working and this one, he was just being Brian but there was pretty much not a decision or a conversation that he did not literally look to Dom and nothing he didn't back Dom on.
Okay, this one was not as overtly slashy as the others but it totally felt like a D/B + M/B menage a trois.
Other points
I believe Paul Walker keeps trying to make himself less beautiful with the scruff and the short dark hair...does not work as long as you keep flashing those pretty eyes and that goofy, adoring smile. JSYK.
Not saying TPTB are slashy but if nothing else, they believe in the bromance since they pretty much gave Tyrese to Mr. Bridges after a few jealous glares at Dom. The obvious conflict between Bri's ex and current was pretty non existent. They saved it for Dom/Mr. Johnson.
Which, okay there's brilliant, good,okay and bad in action movies. I've seen the bad, believe me! (I'm looking at you Clash of the Titans,Gamer,12Rounds,Transformers2 and GI Joe). F&F always manages to hit good(for a value of good) to me because they actually try plotty things and character things and they may not be deep or brilliantly acted but for the most part they aren't confusing or just outright stupid either.
See bad would have been having Dom fight Rome and having him fight Mr. Johnson just to get the 'big guys against each other' fix in. Instead they actually went for somewhat subtle(you know, for this kind of movie) and had 1 fight. They also kept the macho posturing to a dull roar, and threw in a character point from way back in the 1st movie.
Actually they harkened a lot back to the first movie with the family theme and bringing in characters from all the previous movies was a gimmick that really worked for me. Especially Han(who survey says is looking fiiine! Don't go to Tokyo Han!).
I mean they went for poignancy, they went for nostalgia, comedy, action, themes of loyalty and family and team...all things that make me very happy.
Trufax complaints
Jordana Brewster was way too skinny. The other women were very slender as well but her's looks unnatural. Frankly I wish they'd killed her off and kept Letty in the fourth movie, but that is more to do with my unending crush on Michelle Rodriguez than anything.
Hate they killed off Mr. Johnson's team. I was hoping for a US Marshalls type of spin off. Also cause I want Alimi Ballard to
have a job. And cute Asian guy with the weird mohawk--he should totally work also.
Mr. Johnson's goatee was too sweaty. (IKR--shallow as a sheet of paper)
There was no true race in this one. We got a super cute mini-race and aftermath, a car stunt, the teasers where we never actually saw the races and the final car chase with safes but really there was not enough driving for me. I know Mr. Johnson said 'never, ever, let them get in cars' but come on.
Also, they fucking killed Dom's car! Not cool.
I admit that watching them race is kinda like porny foreplay for me--for them as well I think.