Okay, need some help here?
So it's five o'clock and I have done NOTHING today but look up jobs and work on my resume and do cover letters for two different applications. I applied for one job that I think is a long shot, just because I wanted to feel like I've done something. THe more time I waste doing this, the worst I feel, but if I DON'T do it, I feel like I should be because it's a time-sensitive kind of thing, applying for jobs. I'm getting stressed out with each passing half-hour and I want to just stop everything and go off in a corner somewhere. I have anxiety problems (heh) and this is not full-blown yet but it's getting there. I haven't done any writing on school OR OMWF since I got home at one-thirty, though I did manage to empty and then run the dishwasher. It's this catch-22 of feeling like I'm wasting time but it's important. Ugh. Need to just calm down.
Edit:
I actually applied for THREE jobs today (two editorial assistant positions and one associate editor (the long shot, although I have all the qualifications they listed except an intimate knowledge of Quark Xpress). Michael made me feel ridiculously good because he is a sweetheart, and the worst that can happen is none of them will hire me. I REALLY want one of the EA positions; it's an academic publisher who wants help for the US Social Sciences journal, which is right up my alley, AND they're located a few streets over from M's school, which would be awesome. And the salary ain't too bad, either. But as this is my first go-round, I'm not getting my hopes up. That particular listing is already a few weeks old, so I didn't want to wait and test-drive other applications and then miss the boat on that one, so I applied out of the gate anyway. Whatever. I am awesome and employable, and somebody'll see it. Eventually.
Even so, I still feel like vomiting and crawling in a corner. Oh stress, how much I loathe thee. Now to rewrite my review essay. Will try to get pages on OMWF but I doubt it. My brain is shot. When the anxiety disorder creeps in, I'm pretty done for except for necessities and whatever has caused the anxiety (thus, eating, sleeping, hunting for a job, and minimal schoolwork.) I don't know how the rest of the week will turn out. I hope I can calm down enough to work on OMWF, truly. Or just calm down enough that I don't wake up tomorrow with a stiff jaw/neck from clenching/grinding (I have TMJ and GERD, both stress-induced).