You ever have one of those days?
You know... One of those damn days where everything in your life seems like a giant mistake, that you your self put in motion with one or two idiotic decisions in the past, that your brain just wont let you forget?
I doubt its just me.
Any way.
Another day along the same lines is one like today; realizing that I have basicly no control over my attention. What ever I focus my energies on becomes the central part of my life, no matter what I do.
I know I made a small post about this not to long ago, but since then, its came and passed in my consciousness. I've found myself having inner conversations along the lines of this:
Logic: "You know, that post you made not to long ago hit the nail on the head. Im glad you finaly realized a big part of your problem. But I cant help but wonder; you've realized the problem, but have you come up with a solution?"
Creativity: "Shush. I dont need to worry about that right now. Perhaps you can help me; you wouldnt happen to know if an Alhoon would be willing to work with an Ulitharid to puppeteer a government of undead and help amass an army for conquering the world and bringing about an age of darkness, would you?"
L: "... You never cease to amaze me. In the grand scheme of things, you were on the brink of a brilliant, life changing event. If you had just taken a single step in that direction you faced, you could of started down a path to self actualization. You could of bettered your self. Reigned in this chaotic tendancy, and harnessed the power to work towards real, relevant goals. What's holding you back? Why wont you take that step? What is stopping you?"
C: "La la la~. Dont care. OH! I COULD MAKE A MATRIARCHAL SOCIETY OF WIZARDS, WHO USE BLUE MAGES FOR SPIES!!! Im so brilliant! People will love this! <3"
L: "...Oh dear god. There is no hope..."
C: "You worry too much."
L: "What do you mean?"
C: "You have no faith in my abilities. You seem so convinced that Im going to drive this life into the dirt and never do anything productive with it. But I beg to differ. Yes, I drift between obsessions and infatuations, on a whim. Is it so terrible to be as free-spirited as I am? The ability to adjust to an ever changing world?"
L: "Well no, but you're not seeing what I am saying. If you'd reign this in, and start using it to work towards bettering your life, to bettering your relationship with certain people, you could relieve a lot of stress on your self simply by changing your perspective on life. But instead you leave your preconceptions about people static; you dont try to see it their way, you're convinced that you're right and any other opinion is sheer idiocy and shouldnt be entertained for even a moment. Doesnt that seems a little less than dynamic, free-spirited, or what ever morale you want to hold yourself to?"
C: "... Huhn. Never thought of it that way."
L: "Good. Im glad you--"
C: "Oh duh! We cant use People Farms to feed the undead masses! Humans mature at a much slower rate than most other humanoid species. Now, if we could just figure out what species matures at a fast enough rate to make it productive for them to be livestock..."
L: "There really is no hope -__-"
Yea. Im neurotic.
I doubt its just me.
Any way.
Another day along the same lines is one like today; realizing that I have basicly no control over my attention. What ever I focus my energies on becomes the central part of my life, no matter what I do.
I know I made a small post about this not to long ago, but since then, its came and passed in my consciousness. I've found myself having inner conversations along the lines of this:
Logic: "You know, that post you made not to long ago hit the nail on the head. Im glad you finaly realized a big part of your problem. But I cant help but wonder; you've realized the problem, but have you come up with a solution?"
Creativity: "Shush. I dont need to worry about that right now. Perhaps you can help me; you wouldnt happen to know if an Alhoon would be willing to work with an Ulitharid to puppeteer a government of undead and help amass an army for conquering the world and bringing about an age of darkness, would you?"
L: "... You never cease to amaze me. In the grand scheme of things, you were on the brink of a brilliant, life changing event. If you had just taken a single step in that direction you faced, you could of started down a path to self actualization. You could of bettered your self. Reigned in this chaotic tendancy, and harnessed the power to work towards real, relevant goals. What's holding you back? Why wont you take that step? What is stopping you?"
C: "La la la~. Dont care. OH! I COULD MAKE A MATRIARCHAL SOCIETY OF WIZARDS, WHO USE BLUE MAGES FOR SPIES!!! Im so brilliant! People will love this! <3"
L: "...Oh dear god. There is no hope..."
C: "You worry too much."
L: "What do you mean?"
C: "You have no faith in my abilities. You seem so convinced that Im going to drive this life into the dirt and never do anything productive with it. But I beg to differ. Yes, I drift between obsessions and infatuations, on a whim. Is it so terrible to be as free-spirited as I am? The ability to adjust to an ever changing world?"
L: "Well no, but you're not seeing what I am saying. If you'd reign this in, and start using it to work towards bettering your life, to bettering your relationship with certain people, you could relieve a lot of stress on your self simply by changing your perspective on life. But instead you leave your preconceptions about people static; you dont try to see it their way, you're convinced that you're right and any other opinion is sheer idiocy and shouldnt be entertained for even a moment. Doesnt that seems a little less than dynamic, free-spirited, or what ever morale you want to hold yourself to?"
C: "... Huhn. Never thought of it that way."
L: "Good. Im glad you--"
C: "Oh duh! We cant use People Farms to feed the undead masses! Humans mature at a much slower rate than most other humanoid species. Now, if we could just figure out what species matures at a fast enough rate to make it productive for them to be livestock..."
L: "There really is no hope -__-"
Yea. Im neurotic.