You know what sucks?
Having a revelation and not being able to grab a pen fast enough.
Typical of me.
What I've 'found out' is that I'm prone to being a victim of neuroses; major infatuations that come and go on a whim, but as long as they last I devote all of my energies to them. But soon after, I lose interest in it and find a new fixation. Or stumble upon an old one.
Regardles, Im a loose cannon in that regard.
What I devote myself to, I do well. At least until I get bored with it and find something 'more interesting' to do. It's a major flaw, and now having realized this (and vocalized it) I hope I can start to work against it and actually focus on something, for more than just a day or so.
If I could actually harness the power of my obessions, and actually work towards a goal and achieve it, then I really believe I could acomplish something great.
Thats what Im hoping to do with the Café.
Perhaps this is the solution; finding something that, regardless of time or place, I enjoy, something I can think about, obsess over, and so on and so forth. Because it's a decent goal, something I can actually tollerate regardless of what I may be focused on at the time.
It probably stems from going to Good Beans soon after I came out to friends, back when I was thirteen. The place appealed to me as a haven, a place I didnt have to keep this 'horrible secret' hidden.
After my parents found out I was gay, the focus changed from a place of openness, to a place opf escape. When I was there, I didnt have to worry about dad nagging, home work, or any thing else. Just talking with friends, or at least people I enjoyed being around, and enjoying a cuppa or what ever I felt like having at the time.
Then, when Ken asked me to pick up an application, it became a place of realization; I had wanted to work there since soon after I discovered the LGBT group. And I was ecstatic.
To this day, I love working there. And with the new infatuation, applying myself to understanding more about the cafe world, and being better at what I do, I take pride in working there, and working toward such a goal.
Typical of me.
What I've 'found out' is that I'm prone to being a victim of neuroses; major infatuations that come and go on a whim, but as long as they last I devote all of my energies to them. But soon after, I lose interest in it and find a new fixation. Or stumble upon an old one.
Regardles, Im a loose cannon in that regard.
What I devote myself to, I do well. At least until I get bored with it and find something 'more interesting' to do. It's a major flaw, and now having realized this (and vocalized it) I hope I can start to work against it and actually focus on something, for more than just a day or so.
If I could actually harness the power of my obessions, and actually work towards a goal and achieve it, then I really believe I could acomplish something great.
Thats what Im hoping to do with the Café.
Perhaps this is the solution; finding something that, regardless of time or place, I enjoy, something I can think about, obsess over, and so on and so forth. Because it's a decent goal, something I can actually tollerate regardless of what I may be focused on at the time.
It probably stems from going to Good Beans soon after I came out to friends, back when I was thirteen. The place appealed to me as a haven, a place I didnt have to keep this 'horrible secret' hidden.
After my parents found out I was gay, the focus changed from a place of openness, to a place opf escape. When I was there, I didnt have to worry about dad nagging, home work, or any thing else. Just talking with friends, or at least people I enjoyed being around, and enjoying a cuppa or what ever I felt like having at the time.
Then, when Ken asked me to pick up an application, it became a place of realization; I had wanted to work there since soon after I discovered the LGBT group. And I was ecstatic.
To this day, I love working there. And with the new infatuation, applying myself to understanding more about the cafe world, and being better at what I do, I take pride in working there, and working toward such a goal.