As I search
So I'm back, but not so much with a vengeance. I just got in from outside. I just sat. I love times like that, just me by myself, thinking and working through stuff in my head. I don't know if I over-analyze stuff or what, but it always seems like I always have something to figure out. It's weird to me that I am like that cause with a lot of other stuff I just fly by the seat of my pants and let it happen. How can one be so logical and so emotional at the same time?
I am really not reading enough. I go through stages where it is almost all I do in my spare time. It is something I used to absolutely loathe, but my affinity for it has grown so much. I don't read for entertainment. That is I am not a novel reader, rather I read something that provokes thought. Some things bring forth clarity, and others just further confusion, both of which are completely welcome. I feel as though an idle mind can bring forth nothing of value. I feel that if I had nothing to figure out I would be totally bored. Let us just say that at the present boredom hasn't presented it self as an issue. I think this can be applied to my apathy for school. Being that my school is a technical institution there is a lot of memorization. Memorization and regurgitation can get you good grades, a good job, and even make you "successful", but what do you really learn from it. I am at a math in science school with great interest in literature and philosophy. I think I messed up somewhere along the way. I say somewhere as if I don't know where, but could it be anywhere other than choices of the school to attend?
"Everything inside screams of everything you hate." - Switchfoot. So sometimes I feel like the things I completely hate are characteristics that I have. I wonder if my intense hatred for them stems from the fact that I have identified them in myself and just have had issues in dealing with them. Like recently I have said some things that I said I never would and even acted in ways that I said I never would, ways I even despise. I can't figure it out. Maybe now I am just seeing where those characteristics/feelings/actions can come from. I guess it's not until you are put in truly uncomfortable situations that you see what you are really made of. Don't take this as me saying I'm sucking it up, because I definitely don't feel like I am. I just think I still have some things that need to be worked on. That should come as no shock to anyone because it's the case with us all. If I were to have it all figured out why would I still be here?
Part II
Well that was the logical end to my entry but there have been promises of shout outs in the journal. Joy Rose, the pleasure was all mine, and bring it back to GA soon. Doster, you're the man, keep rockin' the Patagonia and keep it real. Bubba, didn't promise you one, but there it was. Later folks.
I am really not reading enough. I go through stages where it is almost all I do in my spare time. It is something I used to absolutely loathe, but my affinity for it has grown so much. I don't read for entertainment. That is I am not a novel reader, rather I read something that provokes thought. Some things bring forth clarity, and others just further confusion, both of which are completely welcome. I feel as though an idle mind can bring forth nothing of value. I feel that if I had nothing to figure out I would be totally bored. Let us just say that at the present boredom hasn't presented it self as an issue. I think this can be applied to my apathy for school. Being that my school is a technical institution there is a lot of memorization. Memorization and regurgitation can get you good grades, a good job, and even make you "successful", but what do you really learn from it. I am at a math in science school with great interest in literature and philosophy. I think I messed up somewhere along the way. I say somewhere as if I don't know where, but could it be anywhere other than choices of the school to attend?
"Everything inside screams of everything you hate." - Switchfoot. So sometimes I feel like the things I completely hate are characteristics that I have. I wonder if my intense hatred for them stems from the fact that I have identified them in myself and just have had issues in dealing with them. Like recently I have said some things that I said I never would and even acted in ways that I said I never would, ways I even despise. I can't figure it out. Maybe now I am just seeing where those characteristics/feelings/actions can come from. I guess it's not until you are put in truly uncomfortable situations that you see what you are really made of. Don't take this as me saying I'm sucking it up, because I definitely don't feel like I am. I just think I still have some things that need to be worked on. That should come as no shock to anyone because it's the case with us all. If I were to have it all figured out why would I still be here?
Part II
Well that was the logical end to my entry but there have been promises of shout outs in the journal. Joy Rose, the pleasure was all mine, and bring it back to GA soon. Doster, you're the man, keep rockin' the Patagonia and keep it real. Bubba, didn't promise you one, but there it was. Later folks.