(no subject)
Well, I should be asleep, but I got to thinking about and missing Taekwondo. I'm not sure why that's on my mind right now; there are many other things that aught to be on my mind, but instead it's Taekwondo. I don't really miss teaching. In fact, I never really much liked that school. They just wanted you to be constantly happy and enthusiastic and all that good stuff, and that's just not the way life is. What I really miss is the sparring. A few years ago sparring was my least favorite thing about taekwondo, mostly because it was so much running. But once I started to be braver about it and got good at it, I really liked that. So much pressure and such a huge adrenaline rush. Especially at tournaments. There was only ever one tournament that I did decently at. I guess there was one before that where I won a match and got a by and ended up with a third place trophy, but the one I'm thinking of was the very last one I went to. I was sparring this guy that had gotten first place in sparring in eight different regions that year alone. And I was so close to beating him, but I just wasn't thinking straight. I kept pushing him out of the ring and then letting him back in. I should have kept kicking. I could have scored and he would have been helpless. You can't score if you're outside the ring, but you can be scored on. I ended up losing by one point. It seems incredible thinking back on that. I was sparring the top guy (he ended up in first place) in one of the hardest divisions at the tournament, and I almost beat him. I've seen videos of myself sparring, and I was scary! I was just remembering the first time I ever hit (nailed) my instructor in the head. He was a tall guy, taller than I am now, and I was a bit shorter than I am now. This guy was just a god to all of us. Untouchable. And somehow my foot just found his head. Made his head spin and everything. Aparently there was an audible reaction outside the classroom from the people that were watching. I miss a lot of the people, too. Vanessa Raabe was the hugest crush I, or probably anyone else, have ever had. And I loved the competition between the two of us and two other kids about our age. It was always one of us four that was the highest rank at the school. Most of the time it was two of us, and we'd switch off every other week for who got to stand at the top of the line and give the commands and everything. I think that school was the happiest place I've ever been. It was completely different than school. I was always confident, everyone knew me, I was always sort of the head guy. And then the school closed and everyone quit besides me. There are so many times that I wish I could go back to, and that old school is definitely one of the highest on the list. I never even got to say goodbye to any of those people, because the school closed while I was in the hospital. I saw Vanessa one more time after that, but we didn't say anything to eachother, and now she thinks that I'm some sort of stalker because I wrote her a couple letters. Well, it's not like I'm going to be able to sort out all of (my) life's mysteries just now, so I guess I'll try to get to sleep. I miss so many things. I feel like crying, I think. But that's too much effort right now. Man, my mind is wandering to other stuff now. I'm never going to fall asleep. Maybe I'll just sleep tomorrow and sort this stuff out in my head tonight. In either case, I'm not going to pour my heart and soul out into this journal that anyone can read. Good night.