"Colton, do you keep a jounal?"
-Someone asked me today ifI keep a jounal. I said that I kinda do. I used to be so passionate about writing that I would fill pages. One day I realized that the reason I was writing is for the hope that somebody may read it and help me figure out the quandry I was currently struggling with. I hoped someone would say, "Oh yeah that! Well, here's what I've done when I encounter that."
-Then I realized that no one would. So I got an LJ thinking that maybe some people would, but no. For a while, but I think the whole novelty of an LJ has been replaced with the coolness of a myspace account.
-Then I realized that indeed there would be a person to read my writing and help me figure it out. Me. The only thing is that it would be a me in the future trying to understand the me of the past.
-So when I write for myself I am actually writing to myself at a later date.
-I just wish that whatever conclusions I draw in the future could be relayed backward in time to the me of now when it is useful, rather than insight on the dark past.
-ANYWAY:
-This week we picked jobs for our films post production, and once again I just can't seem to get what I want. The sort answer is because other people want it too.
-I would have liked to be editor so that I could have some kind of creative outlet that's been backing up for so long...but no. I'm an assistant creative position. That means grunt work so someone else can be creative.
-I am the assistant editor. I get to go through 2 1/2 hours of footage shot by shot and mark in the computer where the slate appears and make notes for the editor including but not limited to if the shot is in focus, if the film scratched, and if there are any other problems with the take.
-The best part is that today the editor told me how she likes to edit and how she would like her list organized. I wanted to say, "You'll be lucky if you get your footage logged correctly. Fuck your preferences." But I'm not rich enough to be like that. Instead I said, "I'll try to keep that in mind." and followed up with, "E-mail me what you need."
-The thing that frustrates me is that I wish there was a way I could do my film and this film, but there are only 24 hours in a day.
-I don't want to be a camera assistant unless I have some kind of creative outlet. I would be happy with a brillitant spark of genius that gets me to write like a motherfucker. What would be even better would be if I could make my film (that the script has been ready to go for a long time but may end up shevling for financial reasons) and then do some camera assistant work, then go to my films, and back and fourth.
-The fear that shivvers my timbers is: If I can't do this in film school, there's no fucking way I could bounce between personal projects and career in the industry. And I wasn't planning on working on set for a day then working on my film at night. I was thinking work on something for a few months, take a month off and do a short film, then go back to work as a camera assistant and save money, et cetera.
-I was talking to my friend Dave about this ongoing frustration. About how I know I'm supposed to be in California going to film school, but I'm not supposed to be making films.
-If I can't figure it out here then where and when will I?
-I suppose my future self has the answer and is screaming it at me just as I scream at the me of the past for many things. I know I am reading this in a year saying, "The answer was right there and I didn't see it? Why didn't I see it? It was soooo obvious!!"
-IN OTHER NEWS:
-I saw Napolean Dynamite a few hours ago. I was okay.
-The exciting part was on the way home. I was daydreaming about a girl and almost ran a red light. I came to a screaching halt in the middle of the intersection. Luckily there were no cars in the intersecting lane. So why was the light red if there were no cars in the cross street?
-So, in summation I have no real passion. I'm just abosorbing as much info as I can waiting for the idea or the story to find me, or try to think of one, and inspire me so immensly that I become a beacon of a filmmaker and things will just fallinto place.
-The biggest problem is my insistance on doing something well.
-Then I realized that no one would. So I got an LJ thinking that maybe some people would, but no. For a while, but I think the whole novelty of an LJ has been replaced with the coolness of a myspace account.
-Then I realized that indeed there would be a person to read my writing and help me figure it out. Me. The only thing is that it would be a me in the future trying to understand the me of the past.
-So when I write for myself I am actually writing to myself at a later date.
-I just wish that whatever conclusions I draw in the future could be relayed backward in time to the me of now when it is useful, rather than insight on the dark past.
-ANYWAY:
-This week we picked jobs for our films post production, and once again I just can't seem to get what I want. The sort answer is because other people want it too.
-I would have liked to be editor so that I could have some kind of creative outlet that's been backing up for so long...but no. I'm an assistant creative position. That means grunt work so someone else can be creative.
-I am the assistant editor. I get to go through 2 1/2 hours of footage shot by shot and mark in the computer where the slate appears and make notes for the editor including but not limited to if the shot is in focus, if the film scratched, and if there are any other problems with the take.
-The best part is that today the editor told me how she likes to edit and how she would like her list organized. I wanted to say, "You'll be lucky if you get your footage logged correctly. Fuck your preferences." But I'm not rich enough to be like that. Instead I said, "I'll try to keep that in mind." and followed up with, "E-mail me what you need."
-The thing that frustrates me is that I wish there was a way I could do my film and this film, but there are only 24 hours in a day.
-I don't want to be a camera assistant unless I have some kind of creative outlet. I would be happy with a brillitant spark of genius that gets me to write like a motherfucker. What would be even better would be if I could make my film (that the script has been ready to go for a long time but may end up shevling for financial reasons) and then do some camera assistant work, then go to my films, and back and fourth.
-The fear that shivvers my timbers is: If I can't do this in film school, there's no fucking way I could bounce between personal projects and career in the industry. And I wasn't planning on working on set for a day then working on my film at night. I was thinking work on something for a few months, take a month off and do a short film, then go back to work as a camera assistant and save money, et cetera.
-I was talking to my friend Dave about this ongoing frustration. About how I know I'm supposed to be in California going to film school, but I'm not supposed to be making films.
-If I can't figure it out here then where and when will I?
-I suppose my future self has the answer and is screaming it at me just as I scream at the me of the past for many things. I know I am reading this in a year saying, "The answer was right there and I didn't see it? Why didn't I see it? It was soooo obvious!!"
-IN OTHER NEWS:
-I saw Napolean Dynamite a few hours ago. I was okay.
-The exciting part was on the way home. I was daydreaming about a girl and almost ran a red light. I came to a screaching halt in the middle of the intersection. Luckily there were no cars in the intersecting lane. So why was the light red if there were no cars in the cross street?
-So, in summation I have no real passion. I'm just abosorbing as much info as I can waiting for the idea or the story to find me, or try to think of one, and inspire me so immensly that I become a beacon of a filmmaker and things will just fallinto place.
-The biggest problem is my insistance on doing something well.