One Year Later
After reading some old entries and reliving the memories, I have decided that I quite like writing about myself! I'll put in the effort to revive this journal a bit in the hopes that others will do the same. While micro-blogging is fun and very addictive, it lacks the depth that a blank page brings out in people. There's something about a blinking cursor that just makes me want to spill my guts to the world. Here's something I wrote last night when I couldn't sleep; I warn you it's a bit long!
It's amazing how quickly time passes these days. I'm not sure whether it's Einstein's theory of relativity, time dilation or it just seems faster coz I'm getting older.
Louise's departure left me hurt and empty for a good couple of months, but it gave me an unbiased perspective of myself and I realised I could be happy without her. I still miss her, but I don't think we could be as close as we were before. While I enjoyed what we had, it wasn't very good for me emotionally to be involved with someone who was in denial of a relationship however unconventional it seemed.
The following takes place on 22 May 2010:
My relationship with my sister Elise had improved somewhat. I suspect she was on some medication for her depression as she seemed functional and even nice. My families denial of my vision impairment was difficult to deal with, and Elise was particularly bitchy about the issue which hurt a lot. Luckily I am a thick skinned person and very forgiving though. As she came to terms with it, she was helpful and on this particular day she gave me a ride into the city as I was attending a mentoring session at the Vision Education Service.
The purpose of this session was to talk about our employment experiences as people with vision impairments to high school students. I was the youngest mentor there and found it reassuring to hear from the more experienced ones that their experiences had been similar to mine and that most of them were self employed also. I think the students for a lot from it, not just in terms of advice for employment but also being able to interact with people with a similar disability and talk about the issues that concerned them. I am still trying to get VES to implement a mentor program rather than having one session every couple of years but they don't seem very interested for some reason.
Sitting across from me was a 16 year old student named Annabelle. She seemed very mature for her age and had a good idea about of what she wanted from life which was very inspiring. I'm now 25 and still unsure about what I want to do! She was on day leave from hospital where she had been staying for a long period due to ongoing health issues. She hadn't been eating and had a sad smile, she intrigued me quite a bit. I liked her personality though, she had a lot of spirit. I gave her one of my business cards and told her to get in touch if there was anything I could help her with.
Afterward, some of us mentors went to the pub and got some take away booze for Zeliha's housewarming party that night. I met Grace at the train station and we went in together. Grace was Kerry's new girlfriend at the time and is now his wife. As Kerry is not much for social interaction we tend to go out with each other. Zel's party was a lot of fun, there was lots of delicious Turkish cuisine and plenty of interesting people. Blindy parties are always the best, all the muso's bring their instruments and we make our own entertainment.
Also attending the party was a girl named Kylie who I had met a few weeks previously. We had exchanged emails and talked a bit, and while I was hoping to get back into dating she did not seem interested so we left it at that. Grace, being the sweet hearted girl she is, introduced me to Carol, a musician who was studying IT Essentials through the Cisco Academy. After making a terrible first impression by being a sleaze, we departed around 2am.
The following take place on 10 June 2010:
It had been 6 years since I last saw my cousin Shae. She was up from Margaret River for a while so invited her to stay at my place for a couple of nights. We passed the time by watching some movies and going out for lunch. This evening was the last night my favourite restaurant was open, as their lease had expired and they were moving to a different location. A lot of good times had been had at this restaurant and I had become friends with the owners so we got a group together for a final party. I will miss the Serengeti African Grill!
Carol was having a party at her place that night so after dinner we headed down to Fremantle and arrived at about 10pm. The party was underway and we all enjoyed ourselves a lot, even Shae was having a good time! Kylie had had too much to drink and managed to fill up a bucket a couple of times and some idiot was emptying it into the laundry sink rather than the toilet. As no one else could tolerate the stench of regurgitated pizza mixed with red wine, I volunteered to clean the chunky bits out of the sink which seemed to impress Carol. We left at 3am and I messaged Kylie the next day to see how she was feeling. She was more embarrassed than anything else but I assured her that we've all been there and it's a part of realising your limits.
Over the past few weeks I had been thinking about Annabelle after meeting her and felt bad for her situation. Being stuck in hospital sucks enough but with such a long admission I thought she must feel very isolated. Being the nerd I am, I bought a mobile broadband modem on a pay as you go plan and was going to take it in for her to use while she was in hospital. I was unaware she had changed her name and they did not have a patient under the name I was given. By the time I found out, she had been discharged. I was disappointed that I did not get to see her, however glad that she was out of hospital.
One evening I was out shopping when I got an unexpected text message; "Hey, it's Annabelle. I was hoping that you might be able to help me if it's not too late for you."
Kerry once likened me to a puppy, always trying to please people. So of course I called her back straight away and found out she was looking for some books that her library didn't have in audio format. I was able to obtain them within a few days and took the opportunity to go see her at the boarding hostel she stayed at. We found out we had a lot in common, a similar personality and sense of humour. We started messaging each other and became very good friends in a very short space of time and learnt a lot about each other.
In the meantime, I had got to know Carol better too. I had her around for dinner and despite our different personalities and lifestyles, we developed a friendship. We ended up sleeping together one night which took us both by surprise really, because we never had intended to do so and it was rather unexpected, just a spur of the moment kind of thing. Afterward we agreed that we weren't adverse to a friends with benefits style arrangement and that some casual no string attached would be good for both of us at that point.
This is where it starts to get complicated. Annabelle and I started dating just after her 17th birthday. I took her out for lunch to Pancakes & Grill on James Street and we enjoyed spending time together and getting to know each other. Carol and I were also dating and we felt that there was something developing between us also. Both Annabelle and Carol were okay with this arrangement as none of us felt ready to commit just yet. I'm not afraid of commitment, but I like to make sure it's what I feel is right before I do so.
By the time September came around, things were starting to get serious with Carol. There was talk about making it an official relationship, however I did not feel we were ready for that yet. Although we loved spending time with each other I was still unsure if it would go any further. I cared deeply for her but I had never been in an exclusive relationship before and did not want to rush into something that I was unfamiliar with until I knew how I felt about it. Carol had a son who I knew I had to take into consideration also, I did not want to make a premature commitment with the possibility that I might hurt them later on if I realised it wasn't what I wanted.
I took a few days to think seriously about it all, and I believe that I would not have been able to provide Carol with what she needed. I loved her as a friend but I was not in love with her. I was in love with Annabelle and believed she was my soul mate. I never thought I would be in the position to have to choose between two people like that, and for once in my life I let go of all logic and reasoning and made a decision by following my heart. I don't know why, I cannot explain how, but I just knew it was the right thing to do.
Carol took the news well. I knew she wanted to be in a relationship with me and it must have hurt her a lot to hear that I was in love with someone else but she respected that it was something I had to do. The break up was hard on both of us, and as we did not have much of a friendship to fall back on it was difficult defining our boundaries. We decided it would be best if we did not see each other at all.
My focus was then on Annabelle. I knew how I felt but was very wary about how I should act upon these feelings. I was the first guy she had been involved with and I did not want to rush things for her. Once I was sure we were ready, I made the decision to tell her. I was visiting her at her grandmother's place one weekend and on the night of the 20th of November we were lying in bed cuddling, and I told her that I loved her and that she was the only one I wanted to be with. I was so relieved when she immediately responded with "I love you too."
I knew in my heart that this was true, and that I had made the right decision. The joy I felt was indescribable, for once I was in love with someone who felt exactly the same way about me! My feelings were clouded by fear though, as I have not been in an exclusive relationship before and did not know how well I would adapt after being so open. Annabelle had never been in a relationship before so we are learning and discovering these things each for the first time which has so far turned out to be a very rewarding and satisfying experience.
After school had finished for the year, Annabelle flew home to Tom Price to be with her family. We did not expect to see each other until January and the thought of being apart for so long was difficult to handle. I have been involved in long distance relationships before and found them to be rather fruitless so was not looking forward to it. I talked with her mum and organised a trip up to Tom Price over Christmas. I asked that she keep it a secret as I would like to surprise Annabelle.
I was very excited, it was difficult to contain the secret and I felt awful for making her believe it would be so long before we saw each other again. We spoke on the phone every day and chatted on MSN Messenger a lot. We missed each other terribly! On the 24th of December, I spoke to Annabelle and she admitted she felt crazy enough to jump on a plane to Perth to come spend Christmas with me. I told her I felt just as crazy and might jump on a plane to Tom Price. I spun a little lie and asked if a package had arrived in the post for her yet, as I had sent up a gift and hoped it would arrive in time for Christmas. Of course nothing had turned up and I said I had been called into work and would be offline for the rest of the day. The poor girl waited anxiously for the non existent package to be delivered and must have given up hope by the time her mum left the house for some last minute shopping late that afternoon.
By this time I had arrived at Parburdoo airport and was on a bus up to Tom Price. Annabelle's mum met me at the bus stop and we went back home. I hung around outside as she went in and told Annabelle there was a package outside for her, a really big one! She came outside to discover no package, but instead your truly embracing her with a cheery "Hello beautiful!"
Her family were wonderful and made me feel very welcome. We enjoyed a beautiful Christmas together and made love for the first time that night. We spent 9 days together and decided it was a huge leap forward for our relationship. I have invited her to move in with me once she finishes school and we are counting down the months until this happens! We are spending as much time as we can together but it never seems to be enough. The future is prospective and very exciting for us, everyone seems to think we'll be getting married before we know it but for now we're trying to focus on our short term goals and seeing what lies ahead for us.
It's amazing how quickly time passes these days. I'm not sure whether it's Einstein's theory of relativity, time dilation or it just seems faster coz I'm getting older.
Louise's departure left me hurt and empty for a good couple of months, but it gave me an unbiased perspective of myself and I realised I could be happy without her. I still miss her, but I don't think we could be as close as we were before. While I enjoyed what we had, it wasn't very good for me emotionally to be involved with someone who was in denial of a relationship however unconventional it seemed.
The following takes place on 22 May 2010:
My relationship with my sister Elise had improved somewhat. I suspect she was on some medication for her depression as she seemed functional and even nice. My families denial of my vision impairment was difficult to deal with, and Elise was particularly bitchy about the issue which hurt a lot. Luckily I am a thick skinned person and very forgiving though. As she came to terms with it, she was helpful and on this particular day she gave me a ride into the city as I was attending a mentoring session at the Vision Education Service.
The purpose of this session was to talk about our employment experiences as people with vision impairments to high school students. I was the youngest mentor there and found it reassuring to hear from the more experienced ones that their experiences had been similar to mine and that most of them were self employed also. I think the students for a lot from it, not just in terms of advice for employment but also being able to interact with people with a similar disability and talk about the issues that concerned them. I am still trying to get VES to implement a mentor program rather than having one session every couple of years but they don't seem very interested for some reason.
Sitting across from me was a 16 year old student named Annabelle. She seemed very mature for her age and had a good idea about of what she wanted from life which was very inspiring. I'm now 25 and still unsure about what I want to do! She was on day leave from hospital where she had been staying for a long period due to ongoing health issues. She hadn't been eating and had a sad smile, she intrigued me quite a bit. I liked her personality though, she had a lot of spirit. I gave her one of my business cards and told her to get in touch if there was anything I could help her with.
Afterward, some of us mentors went to the pub and got some take away booze for Zeliha's housewarming party that night. I met Grace at the train station and we went in together. Grace was Kerry's new girlfriend at the time and is now his wife. As Kerry is not much for social interaction we tend to go out with each other. Zel's party was a lot of fun, there was lots of delicious Turkish cuisine and plenty of interesting people. Blindy parties are always the best, all the muso's bring their instruments and we make our own entertainment.
Also attending the party was a girl named Kylie who I had met a few weeks previously. We had exchanged emails and talked a bit, and while I was hoping to get back into dating she did not seem interested so we left it at that. Grace, being the sweet hearted girl she is, introduced me to Carol, a musician who was studying IT Essentials through the Cisco Academy. After making a terrible first impression by being a sleaze, we departed around 2am.
The following take place on 10 June 2010:
It had been 6 years since I last saw my cousin Shae. She was up from Margaret River for a while so invited her to stay at my place for a couple of nights. We passed the time by watching some movies and going out for lunch. This evening was the last night my favourite restaurant was open, as their lease had expired and they were moving to a different location. A lot of good times had been had at this restaurant and I had become friends with the owners so we got a group together for a final party. I will miss the Serengeti African Grill!
Carol was having a party at her place that night so after dinner we headed down to Fremantle and arrived at about 10pm. The party was underway and we all enjoyed ourselves a lot, even Shae was having a good time! Kylie had had too much to drink and managed to fill up a bucket a couple of times and some idiot was emptying it into the laundry sink rather than the toilet. As no one else could tolerate the stench of regurgitated pizza mixed with red wine, I volunteered to clean the chunky bits out of the sink which seemed to impress Carol. We left at 3am and I messaged Kylie the next day to see how she was feeling. She was more embarrassed than anything else but I assured her that we've all been there and it's a part of realising your limits.
Over the past few weeks I had been thinking about Annabelle after meeting her and felt bad for her situation. Being stuck in hospital sucks enough but with such a long admission I thought she must feel very isolated. Being the nerd I am, I bought a mobile broadband modem on a pay as you go plan and was going to take it in for her to use while she was in hospital. I was unaware she had changed her name and they did not have a patient under the name I was given. By the time I found out, she had been discharged. I was disappointed that I did not get to see her, however glad that she was out of hospital.
One evening I was out shopping when I got an unexpected text message; "Hey, it's Annabelle. I was hoping that you might be able to help me if it's not too late for you."
Kerry once likened me to a puppy, always trying to please people. So of course I called her back straight away and found out she was looking for some books that her library didn't have in audio format. I was able to obtain them within a few days and took the opportunity to go see her at the boarding hostel she stayed at. We found out we had a lot in common, a similar personality and sense of humour. We started messaging each other and became very good friends in a very short space of time and learnt a lot about each other.
In the meantime, I had got to know Carol better too. I had her around for dinner and despite our different personalities and lifestyles, we developed a friendship. We ended up sleeping together one night which took us both by surprise really, because we never had intended to do so and it was rather unexpected, just a spur of the moment kind of thing. Afterward we agreed that we weren't adverse to a friends with benefits style arrangement and that some casual no string attached would be good for both of us at that point.
This is where it starts to get complicated. Annabelle and I started dating just after her 17th birthday. I took her out for lunch to Pancakes & Grill on James Street and we enjoyed spending time together and getting to know each other. Carol and I were also dating and we felt that there was something developing between us also. Both Annabelle and Carol were okay with this arrangement as none of us felt ready to commit just yet. I'm not afraid of commitment, but I like to make sure it's what I feel is right before I do so.
By the time September came around, things were starting to get serious with Carol. There was talk about making it an official relationship, however I did not feel we were ready for that yet. Although we loved spending time with each other I was still unsure if it would go any further. I cared deeply for her but I had never been in an exclusive relationship before and did not want to rush into something that I was unfamiliar with until I knew how I felt about it. Carol had a son who I knew I had to take into consideration also, I did not want to make a premature commitment with the possibility that I might hurt them later on if I realised it wasn't what I wanted.
I took a few days to think seriously about it all, and I believe that I would not have been able to provide Carol with what she needed. I loved her as a friend but I was not in love with her. I was in love with Annabelle and believed she was my soul mate. I never thought I would be in the position to have to choose between two people like that, and for once in my life I let go of all logic and reasoning and made a decision by following my heart. I don't know why, I cannot explain how, but I just knew it was the right thing to do.
Carol took the news well. I knew she wanted to be in a relationship with me and it must have hurt her a lot to hear that I was in love with someone else but she respected that it was something I had to do. The break up was hard on both of us, and as we did not have much of a friendship to fall back on it was difficult defining our boundaries. We decided it would be best if we did not see each other at all.
My focus was then on Annabelle. I knew how I felt but was very wary about how I should act upon these feelings. I was the first guy she had been involved with and I did not want to rush things for her. Once I was sure we were ready, I made the decision to tell her. I was visiting her at her grandmother's place one weekend and on the night of the 20th of November we were lying in bed cuddling, and I told her that I loved her and that she was the only one I wanted to be with. I was so relieved when she immediately responded with "I love you too."
I knew in my heart that this was true, and that I had made the right decision. The joy I felt was indescribable, for once I was in love with someone who felt exactly the same way about me! My feelings were clouded by fear though, as I have not been in an exclusive relationship before and did not know how well I would adapt after being so open. Annabelle had never been in a relationship before so we are learning and discovering these things each for the first time which has so far turned out to be a very rewarding and satisfying experience.
After school had finished for the year, Annabelle flew home to Tom Price to be with her family. We did not expect to see each other until January and the thought of being apart for so long was difficult to handle. I have been involved in long distance relationships before and found them to be rather fruitless so was not looking forward to it. I talked with her mum and organised a trip up to Tom Price over Christmas. I asked that she keep it a secret as I would like to surprise Annabelle.
I was very excited, it was difficult to contain the secret and I felt awful for making her believe it would be so long before we saw each other again. We spoke on the phone every day and chatted on MSN Messenger a lot. We missed each other terribly! On the 24th of December, I spoke to Annabelle and she admitted she felt crazy enough to jump on a plane to Perth to come spend Christmas with me. I told her I felt just as crazy and might jump on a plane to Tom Price. I spun a little lie and asked if a package had arrived in the post for her yet, as I had sent up a gift and hoped it would arrive in time for Christmas. Of course nothing had turned up and I said I had been called into work and would be offline for the rest of the day. The poor girl waited anxiously for the non existent package to be delivered and must have given up hope by the time her mum left the house for some last minute shopping late that afternoon.
By this time I had arrived at Parburdoo airport and was on a bus up to Tom Price. Annabelle's mum met me at the bus stop and we went back home. I hung around outside as she went in and told Annabelle there was a package outside for her, a really big one! She came outside to discover no package, but instead your truly embracing her with a cheery "Hello beautiful!"
Her family were wonderful and made me feel very welcome. We enjoyed a beautiful Christmas together and made love for the first time that night. We spent 9 days together and decided it was a huge leap forward for our relationship. I have invited her to move in with me once she finishes school and we are counting down the months until this happens! We are spending as much time as we can together but it never seems to be enough. The future is prospective and very exciting for us, everyone seems to think we'll be getting married before we know it but for now we're trying to focus on our short term goals and seeing what lies ahead for us.