i think i'm going crazy.
I decided I needed a kick in my figurative balls. And God Bless the world, but I think I need to be the one to kick because I find that a lot of people don't like to kick me in the balls, even when I really need it. so. here:
Dear Christy,
What's going on here, kiddo!? A few days of moodiness happens to everyone. Some of it can be chalked up to being in tech/performances. A little bit can possibly be attributed to it being that time of the month, although you really hate using that as an excuse and rarely ever do, so why start now?
But anyway. The show ended today, it's struck. Your period's even ending. But the moodiness did not get the message, and it appears to be continuing and rearing its ugly head to the extent that it's prompting you to go on a sudden LIVEJOURNAL KICK? SERIOUSLY? Are we still in high school? You know that now "LJ" can only be used for the occasional funny anecdote or a random survey (curious as to what the last hockey game I watched was!? scroll down!). You know the days of bemoaning your current "life misfortunes" to an unresponsive online journal are long behind you.
Yet here you are. 4:42 Monday morning. Your half-finished Cat on a Hot Tin Roof reaction paper buried amidst ten billion other documents, web sites, and IMs (it only has to be 500 words, ps, you could have done it in 20 minutes and gone to bed hours ago), and the most prominent of these items being **DRUM ROLL PLEASE** Livejournal.
So what's the problem? ooh you're "busy"? Too many opportunities? Too many people want you to work for them? WAH. Um, hi, you're trying to embark on a life of theatre. Do you realize how lucky you are, and how important it is not to screw any of this up? If you don't work your ass off, you will a) starve a creative death due to a bad reputation never getting you work b) litertally starve to death because lack of job = lack of $$ c) live in the subway. So why don't you enjoy all the things you have, and try to actually do them well. Bright idea. Because right now, you're batting 100 and screwing them ALL up so much that none of these people will ever be asking you to do anything again. Nice work.
I'm going to pause while you skip the Paula Abdul song you have hidden on your Ipod.
ok. Next problem. Oooh, you've been letting down your friends by not seeing them as much as you want to? Well, ok honeybear, there's one way to fix that: stop letting them down and SEE THEM. oooh poor you, people want to hang out. SO DO IT BEFORE THEY FORGET ABOUT YOU.
(i love that hoobastank is my version of "angry white girl" music, while to most it's probably like "soft rock." i actually do have Manson on here. When I go to "artists," he's right below Mandy Moore. I kid you not.)
It would not be a real "LJ Post!" if we did not mention boys. So. You have decided of late that you question the plausibility of monogamy, and therefore have no interest at all in any relationships and only want to have "responsible fun." So you have, wish granted, everything's cool with boys, right?
oh wait, IT'S NOT? WE'RE STILL NOT HAPPY?
Jesus.
ok. so. You highly doubt monogamy exists. However, you feel weird and not right just doing whatever comes up (..ok, that sentence sounds so wrong, and I don't mean it the way it's implied on any of those one billion levels). You feel lonely and empty and all that BS. So. To recap: You don't want the 24 Hour A Day I'm Stuck On You I Depend On You Committment. But you don't want Guy Hopping. And you don't want to be alone. You want one boy, but you want it to be like pretty casual and not too emotionally invested, but not like TOTALLY devoid of emotions, like you want to have each other's best interests at heart and like each other, but under no circumstances do you want to be "in love," but you don't want to share him with other girls and you want it to be a sort of thing.
ok, Marie Antoinette, after you have your cake and eat it too, WAKE UP. Let's break this down: you can't have whatever messed up thing you're looking for because it's, well, messed up. Reality check: You're missing the "relationship-friendly" bone. You're not going to get a relationship, so don't even consider that a possibility. Guy Hopping? Over it.
So... let's return to the love of theatre, which is right there for you, and which you are screwing up (but not in the good way). So, let's go "full circle" and say, STOP SCREWING UP YOUR JOBS.
Love,
Yourself
P.S. Do you realize that you just went from listening to Weezer to hoobastank to Manson to Jars of Clay to Hannah Montana? you are so weird.
Dear Christy,
What's going on here, kiddo!? A few days of moodiness happens to everyone. Some of it can be chalked up to being in tech/performances. A little bit can possibly be attributed to it being that time of the month, although you really hate using that as an excuse and rarely ever do, so why start now?
But anyway. The show ended today, it's struck. Your period's even ending. But the moodiness did not get the message, and it appears to be continuing and rearing its ugly head to the extent that it's prompting you to go on a sudden LIVEJOURNAL KICK? SERIOUSLY? Are we still in high school? You know that now "LJ" can only be used for the occasional funny anecdote or a random survey (curious as to what the last hockey game I watched was!? scroll down!). You know the days of bemoaning your current "life misfortunes" to an unresponsive online journal are long behind you.
Yet here you are. 4:42 Monday morning. Your half-finished Cat on a Hot Tin Roof reaction paper buried amidst ten billion other documents, web sites, and IMs (it only has to be 500 words, ps, you could have done it in 20 minutes and gone to bed hours ago), and the most prominent of these items being **DRUM ROLL PLEASE** Livejournal.
So what's the problem? ooh you're "busy"? Too many opportunities? Too many people want you to work for them? WAH. Um, hi, you're trying to embark on a life of theatre. Do you realize how lucky you are, and how important it is not to screw any of this up? If you don't work your ass off, you will a) starve a creative death due to a bad reputation never getting you work b) litertally starve to death because lack of job = lack of $$ c) live in the subway. So why don't you enjoy all the things you have, and try to actually do them well. Bright idea. Because right now, you're batting 100 and screwing them ALL up so much that none of these people will ever be asking you to do anything again. Nice work.
I'm going to pause while you skip the Paula Abdul song you have hidden on your Ipod.
ok. Next problem. Oooh, you've been letting down your friends by not seeing them as much as you want to? Well, ok honeybear, there's one way to fix that: stop letting them down and SEE THEM. oooh poor you, people want to hang out. SO DO IT BEFORE THEY FORGET ABOUT YOU.
(i love that hoobastank is my version of "angry white girl" music, while to most it's probably like "soft rock." i actually do have Manson on here. When I go to "artists," he's right below Mandy Moore. I kid you not.)
It would not be a real "LJ Post!" if we did not mention boys. So. You have decided of late that you question the plausibility of monogamy, and therefore have no interest at all in any relationships and only want to have "responsible fun." So you have, wish granted, everything's cool with boys, right?
oh wait, IT'S NOT? WE'RE STILL NOT HAPPY?
Jesus.
ok. so. You highly doubt monogamy exists. However, you feel weird and not right just doing whatever comes up (..ok, that sentence sounds so wrong, and I don't mean it the way it's implied on any of those one billion levels). You feel lonely and empty and all that BS. So. To recap: You don't want the 24 Hour A Day I'm Stuck On You I Depend On You Committment. But you don't want Guy Hopping. And you don't want to be alone. You want one boy, but you want it to be like pretty casual and not too emotionally invested, but not like TOTALLY devoid of emotions, like you want to have each other's best interests at heart and like each other, but under no circumstances do you want to be "in love," but you don't want to share him with other girls and you want it to be a sort of thing.
ok, Marie Antoinette, after you have your cake and eat it too, WAKE UP. Let's break this down: you can't have whatever messed up thing you're looking for because it's, well, messed up. Reality check: You're missing the "relationship-friendly" bone. You're not going to get a relationship, so don't even consider that a possibility. Guy Hopping? Over it.
So... let's return to the love of theatre, which is right there for you, and which you are screwing up (but not in the good way). So, let's go "full circle" and say, STOP SCREWING UP YOUR JOBS.
Love,
Yourself
P.S. Do you realize that you just went from listening to Weezer to hoobastank to Manson to Jars of Clay to Hannah Montana? you are so weird.