(no subject)
Wow, about a half dozen girls are going out to Manray tonight, dressed up in fetish attire. It makes me glad I'm not yet 19 (it's a 19+ club). I mean, my body's fine and everything, I just don't want to show it off that way. Ah, how I revel in my conservative prudishness :) Don't get me wrong, those girls look like they're going to have an awesome time, but it's just not my thing.
I was at work from 8-5:30 today, but I didn't mind! I really like what I'm doing! Except, I'm getting kinda sick of my advisor, Blaine. He's the nicest guy ever, and he's been so patient with me; he's tought me so much! I'm just tired of seeing him so often! I see him every day, for most of the day, and it's just starting to grate on my nerves. Oh well, I can't really complain. How many people can say they like their job as much as I do?
A funny thing happened when I woke up this morning. I was dreaming that I was telling my mom that the reason I didn't want to gain weight is because I thought I had to be thin for people to like me. Then my alarm went off at 6:10 so I could work out before getting into work at 8. That made me think. Do I really think that if I am fat, people won't be as nice to me? I hope not. I didn't think I did, but I'm not sure what is in my sub-concious (thank you, Freud). Then there's the fact that I made myself get up at 6:10 so that I wouldn't miss my work-out today. I have to admit, I feel fat a lot lately. And I don't understand it. So what if my size one pants don't fit anymore! God didn't mean for me to be a size one, and I wasn't a happy person when I was such! It's like I have this hate for my body that I struggle with. That and I have a love-hate relationship with food, arg!!! While I am flattered any time someone calls me thin, it doesn't sink deep enough, I think it's just part of OCD. Well, I won't dwell on it because this really isn't consuming me as much as it may sound.
On a whole, life is still so awesome, and I cannot complain when I am so happy with all that God has given me.
All my love,
Cristina
I was at work from 8-5:30 today, but I didn't mind! I really like what I'm doing! Except, I'm getting kinda sick of my advisor, Blaine. He's the nicest guy ever, and he's been so patient with me; he's tought me so much! I'm just tired of seeing him so often! I see him every day, for most of the day, and it's just starting to grate on my nerves. Oh well, I can't really complain. How many people can say they like their job as much as I do?
A funny thing happened when I woke up this morning. I was dreaming that I was telling my mom that the reason I didn't want to gain weight is because I thought I had to be thin for people to like me. Then my alarm went off at 6:10 so I could work out before getting into work at 8. That made me think. Do I really think that if I am fat, people won't be as nice to me? I hope not. I didn't think I did, but I'm not sure what is in my sub-concious (thank you, Freud). Then there's the fact that I made myself get up at 6:10 so that I wouldn't miss my work-out today. I have to admit, I feel fat a lot lately. And I don't understand it. So what if my size one pants don't fit anymore! God didn't mean for me to be a size one, and I wasn't a happy person when I was such! It's like I have this hate for my body that I struggle with. That and I have a love-hate relationship with food, arg!!! While I am flattered any time someone calls me thin, it doesn't sink deep enough, I think it's just part of OCD. Well, I won't dwell on it because this really isn't consuming me as much as it may sound.
On a whole, life is still so awesome, and I cannot complain when I am so happy with all that God has given me.
All my love,
Cristina