i havent written in a while
What do I want to write about?
So I need a new job. Something I can sit down for and not bust up my knees any worse than they already are. But that’s not really what’s on my mind…
What is on my mind?
I don’t know.
I’m confused. I have some huge steps ahead of me and I’m afraid to take them. All of a sudden I think I’m afraid of making any changes permanent. I moved to a new house and I’m still not completely unpacked. Not because of the fact that I don’t have time to do so or because I’m lazy or anything along those lines. But because I’m afraid to make things permanent. I’m afraid that if I get settled and comfortable that it’s just all gonna come flying out from underneath me and before I know it I’ll be in a new situation. Because that’s what always happens, right?
Fuck.
I can’t decide what I want to go to school for. I was really excited to start school again but now I’m scared. What if I go to school for something that I turn out not to like or be good at? Should I just waste all that time and money on something I’m not sure of?
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I used to be so confident in everything that I did. And now…? Now what? Now I’m afraid to take chances and follow my heart. Why? Because the last few times I did that, those chances that I took just blew up in my face and completely backfired.
I want to cry. I’m so overwhelmed by absolutely nothing. By things that normally I would be able to deal with without batting an eye. So what’s the problem now?
I don’t get it. I really just don’t get it.
I want a do-over. Or I at least wish I could stop time so I could sit for a while and figure things out before it starts up again.
If you read this, thanks for listening. Another pointless rant by me…
Haha.
So I need a new job. Something I can sit down for and not bust up my knees any worse than they already are. But that’s not really what’s on my mind…
What is on my mind?
I don’t know.
I’m confused. I have some huge steps ahead of me and I’m afraid to take them. All of a sudden I think I’m afraid of making any changes permanent. I moved to a new house and I’m still not completely unpacked. Not because of the fact that I don’t have time to do so or because I’m lazy or anything along those lines. But because I’m afraid to make things permanent. I’m afraid that if I get settled and comfortable that it’s just all gonna come flying out from underneath me and before I know it I’ll be in a new situation. Because that’s what always happens, right?
Fuck.
I can’t decide what I want to go to school for. I was really excited to start school again but now I’m scared. What if I go to school for something that I turn out not to like or be good at? Should I just waste all that time and money on something I’m not sure of?
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I used to be so confident in everything that I did. And now…? Now what? Now I’m afraid to take chances and follow my heart. Why? Because the last few times I did that, those chances that I took just blew up in my face and completely backfired.
I want to cry. I’m so overwhelmed by absolutely nothing. By things that normally I would be able to deal with without batting an eye. So what’s the problem now?
I don’t get it. I really just don’t get it.
I want a do-over. Or I at least wish I could stop time so I could sit for a while and figure things out before it starts up again.
If you read this, thanks for listening. Another pointless rant by me…
Haha.