happiness
Sibearian Kitty (12:05:44 AM): i'm, so, ronrey
i'm so ronrey
i'm so ronrey and sadry arone
Magus555688 (12:06:19 AM): ok singing like kim jong il is a new low for you
Sibearian Kitty (12:06:24 AM): lol
Magus555688 (12:07:51 AM): what's up
Sibearian Kitty (12:08:18 AM): oh yeah, i never told you
Sibearian Kitty (12:08:31 AM): jess and i broke up (again) on valentines
Magus555688 (12:09:14 AM): that's one way of adding to the "Valentine's day sucks" argument
Sibearian Kitty (12:09:17 AM): i dodn't bother to tell you cuz it doesn't really matter i guess
Magus555688 (12:09:28 AM): why is that
Sibearian Kitty (12:09:39 AM): who knows with our history is breaking up even eans anything
Sibearian Kitty (12:09:47 AM): we could be back together tomorrow
Sibearian Kitty (12:09:52 AM): i just know i wont be happy
Magus555688 (12:10:04 AM): still your choice though
Magus555688 (12:10:16 AM): it's always been your choice
Sibearian Kitty (12:11:07 AM): but i'm sad either way
Sibearian Kitty (12:11:16 AM): now i'm without the person i love
Sibearian Kitty (12:11:18 AM): and
Sibearian Kitty (12:11:22 AM): i cant get sex
Sibearian Kitty (12:11:27 AM): true i never got it anyway
Sibearian Kitty (12:11:39 AM): but the slim possiblility existed
Sibearian Kitty (12:11:51 AM): now it doesn't, which sux, cuz it doesn't
Magus555688 (12:12:32 AM): well again it's up to you to turn yourself around if it means that much to you to be happy
Magus555688 (12:12:34 AM): seriously
Magus555688 (12:12:41 AM): i know you can if you really ry
Sibearian Kitty (12:13:07 AM): i think i know what i need to be happy
Sibearian Kitty (12:13:20 AM): and i don't think i can get it nytime in the near or distant future
Magus555688 (12:13:30 AM): what would that be
Sibearian Kitty (12:14:10 AM): a woman that will take care of me
Sibearian Kitty (12:14:27 AM): basicly a mom that i can fuck
Magus555688 (12:15:16 AM): interesting analogy
Sibearian Kitty (12:15:33 AM): and she needs to be able to read my mind cuz i cant communicate my feelings worth a damn till its too late
Magus555688 (12:16:02 AM): i think that's untrue, i think you can easily speak your mind
Magus555688 (12:16:17 AM): when you don't think speaking your mind will get you into trouble when it shouldn't
Sibearian Kitty (12:16:30 AM): maybe
Magus555688 (12:16:33 AM): you don't talk to jess until it's too late because you don't want to rock the boat
Magus555688 (12:16:35 AM): am i right?
Sibearian Kitty (12:17:16 AM): i guess yeah, i can't really think of an example where that doesn't work, but for some reason i think there is
Magus555688 (12:19:29 AM): you realize this is a one day at a time process
Magus555688 (12:19:36 AM): things happen, but not right away
Sibearian Kitty (12:19:48 AM): i do realize that
Sibearian Kitty (12:19:51 AM): and it scares me\
Magus555688 (12:20:34 AM): somethingn that i've realized is that when yu think you're alone and you are alone
Magus555688 (12:20:41 AM): you're never truly alone
Sibearian Kitty (12:21:07 AM): i don't function by myself\
Sibearian Kitty (12:21:19 AM): i need someone else to feel secure
Sibearian Kitty (12:21:30 AM): and safe
Sibearian Kitty (12:21:34 AM): comfortable
if i'm alone for a long enough amount of time, i lose the will to live. it has happened before. and after i have decied to kill myself i ask myself one question, "will anyone care if i was dead and gone?" so far the answer has always been yes, there will be at the very least one person who will care. in point of fact the number usually far exceeds one. so i still live, but i remain lonely and miserable and ask myself again the next day, until i go back to jess. then i return to the one i love, and become much less lonely, though at times i still feel alone. and though i'm no longer alone, i'm still unhappy and the cycle repeats itslef. ideally i want to be happy with jess as i already love her and falling in love with someone else takes a long amount of lonely suicidal misery. but can i ever be happy with jess? as i look on it now the answer is no, and has been no for some time. but does a woman exist to meet my criterian for happiness? the answer is still no. so does the break-up cycle of me and jess ever end?
i wish i could answer that
i'm so ronrey
i'm so ronrey and sadry arone
Magus555688 (12:06:19 AM): ok singing like kim jong il is a new low for you
Sibearian Kitty (12:06:24 AM): lol
Magus555688 (12:07:51 AM): what's up
Sibearian Kitty (12:08:18 AM): oh yeah, i never told you
Sibearian Kitty (12:08:31 AM): jess and i broke up (again) on valentines
Magus555688 (12:09:14 AM): that's one way of adding to the "Valentine's day sucks" argument
Sibearian Kitty (12:09:17 AM): i dodn't bother to tell you cuz it doesn't really matter i guess
Magus555688 (12:09:28 AM): why is that
Sibearian Kitty (12:09:39 AM): who knows with our history is breaking up even eans anything
Sibearian Kitty (12:09:47 AM): we could be back together tomorrow
Sibearian Kitty (12:09:52 AM): i just know i wont be happy
Magus555688 (12:10:04 AM): still your choice though
Magus555688 (12:10:16 AM): it's always been your choice
Sibearian Kitty (12:11:07 AM): but i'm sad either way
Sibearian Kitty (12:11:16 AM): now i'm without the person i love
Sibearian Kitty (12:11:18 AM): and
Sibearian Kitty (12:11:22 AM): i cant get sex
Sibearian Kitty (12:11:27 AM): true i never got it anyway
Sibearian Kitty (12:11:39 AM): but the slim possiblility existed
Sibearian Kitty (12:11:51 AM): now it doesn't, which sux, cuz it doesn't
Magus555688 (12:12:32 AM): well again it's up to you to turn yourself around if it means that much to you to be happy
Magus555688 (12:12:34 AM): seriously
Magus555688 (12:12:41 AM): i know you can if you really ry
Sibearian Kitty (12:13:07 AM): i think i know what i need to be happy
Sibearian Kitty (12:13:20 AM): and i don't think i can get it nytime in the near or distant future
Magus555688 (12:13:30 AM): what would that be
Sibearian Kitty (12:14:10 AM): a woman that will take care of me
Sibearian Kitty (12:14:27 AM): basicly a mom that i can fuck
Magus555688 (12:15:16 AM): interesting analogy
Sibearian Kitty (12:15:33 AM): and she needs to be able to read my mind cuz i cant communicate my feelings worth a damn till its too late
Magus555688 (12:16:02 AM): i think that's untrue, i think you can easily speak your mind
Magus555688 (12:16:17 AM): when you don't think speaking your mind will get you into trouble when it shouldn't
Sibearian Kitty (12:16:30 AM): maybe
Magus555688 (12:16:33 AM): you don't talk to jess until it's too late because you don't want to rock the boat
Magus555688 (12:16:35 AM): am i right?
Sibearian Kitty (12:17:16 AM): i guess yeah, i can't really think of an example where that doesn't work, but for some reason i think there is
Magus555688 (12:19:29 AM): you realize this is a one day at a time process
Magus555688 (12:19:36 AM): things happen, but not right away
Sibearian Kitty (12:19:48 AM): i do realize that
Sibearian Kitty (12:19:51 AM): and it scares me\
Magus555688 (12:20:34 AM): somethingn that i've realized is that when yu think you're alone and you are alone
Magus555688 (12:20:41 AM): you're never truly alone
Sibearian Kitty (12:21:07 AM): i don't function by myself\
Sibearian Kitty (12:21:19 AM): i need someone else to feel secure
Sibearian Kitty (12:21:30 AM): and safe
Sibearian Kitty (12:21:34 AM): comfortable
if i'm alone for a long enough amount of time, i lose the will to live. it has happened before. and after i have decied to kill myself i ask myself one question, "will anyone care if i was dead and gone?" so far the answer has always been yes, there will be at the very least one person who will care. in point of fact the number usually far exceeds one. so i still live, but i remain lonely and miserable and ask myself again the next day, until i go back to jess. then i return to the one i love, and become much less lonely, though at times i still feel alone. and though i'm no longer alone, i'm still unhappy and the cycle repeats itslef. ideally i want to be happy with jess as i already love her and falling in love with someone else takes a long amount of lonely suicidal misery. but can i ever be happy with jess? as i look on it now the answer is no, and has been no for some time. but does a woman exist to meet my criterian for happiness? the answer is still no. so does the break-up cycle of me and jess ever end?
i wish i could answer that