Break Down and Let It All Out
This week has been abysmal. We were tight for cash because last month was a five-week month and I was so looking forward to Ewen getting paid on Thurs. Unfortunately, it wasn't as much as it should have been (for various reasons, we will get some of the money in another pay period). Which means even though it's only three weeks until he gets paid again we are on a tight budget.
On top of that I've been having mild anxiety attacks - or maybe nervous breakdowns is a better term. I don't mean to use those terms lightly - for any of you who have had more severe experiences. For most of the week I've had trouble sleeping. I have problems with my eyes - I see little pinpricks of light sometimes, especially when I look at a bright, blank surface. They move around and then disappear, like shooting stars. Anyway, this was stressing me out because I started to notice them in the darkness when I laid down to sleep. Then, early in the week, I closed my eyes to sleep and after a moment I had a flashing light in my eyes - like when your eyes are closed and someone flicks a flashlight on and off, just a subtle change of light and rapid.
This sent my heart racing. I've been tense at night for a while, I grind my teeth and clench my fists, but this was much more severe. This then happened every time I went to bed throughout the week. I've had to concentrate on my breathing to prevent it from happening and keep myself calm.
I've also had a few crying breakdowns this week - but I'm used to those.
I just feel like I can't breathe and I haven't been interested in doing anything, even watching DVDs or reading. I have to force myself to eat.
This has improved over the past day and night. I've stopped drinking - for two nights now - until Monday at least. I don't drink a lot but I do drink fairly consistently and I know it's not helping my sleep.
I figure the flashing lights (which still happen occasionally to a lesser extent) have more to do with stress than with my wonky eyes. I still get the little pinpricks but I'm trying to ignore them and not look for things to get stressed about. I've been to an eye doctor recently and he couldn't find any sign of macular degeneration. I'll go back next year and get checked again.
In more cheerful news, yay yay Christmas on the way. I can't wait to get back to the good ol' US of A - mainly because I want to see the family and the prices are so much lower. Also, Ewen and I can hand Felix over to my parents and enjoy some time for just the two of us.
We did manage to sign up for the internet! It should start up around December 10.
I'm trying to figure out things to get Ewen for his birthday, which falls two days before he gets paid again (and I have very little money of my own). I was trying to get him to tell me about foods he might like to have around this month, as special treats. But he's not fussed about stuff like that. He likes crisps and biscuits (cookies) and chips and curry sauce.
Whereas there are loads of foods that I don't normally buy because they are expensive - goat's cheese, kalamata olives, brie, salmon, red pepper soup.... I'm sure I could list more.
Here are some more photos
On top of that I've been having mild anxiety attacks - or maybe nervous breakdowns is a better term. I don't mean to use those terms lightly - for any of you who have had more severe experiences. For most of the week I've had trouble sleeping. I have problems with my eyes - I see little pinpricks of light sometimes, especially when I look at a bright, blank surface. They move around and then disappear, like shooting stars. Anyway, this was stressing me out because I started to notice them in the darkness when I laid down to sleep. Then, early in the week, I closed my eyes to sleep and after a moment I had a flashing light in my eyes - like when your eyes are closed and someone flicks a flashlight on and off, just a subtle change of light and rapid.
This sent my heart racing. I've been tense at night for a while, I grind my teeth and clench my fists, but this was much more severe. This then happened every time I went to bed throughout the week. I've had to concentrate on my breathing to prevent it from happening and keep myself calm.
I've also had a few crying breakdowns this week - but I'm used to those.
I just feel like I can't breathe and I haven't been interested in doing anything, even watching DVDs or reading. I have to force myself to eat.
This has improved over the past day and night. I've stopped drinking - for two nights now - until Monday at least. I don't drink a lot but I do drink fairly consistently and I know it's not helping my sleep.
I figure the flashing lights (which still happen occasionally to a lesser extent) have more to do with stress than with my wonky eyes. I still get the little pinpricks but I'm trying to ignore them and not look for things to get stressed about. I've been to an eye doctor recently and he couldn't find any sign of macular degeneration. I'll go back next year and get checked again.
In more cheerful news, yay yay Christmas on the way. I can't wait to get back to the good ol' US of A - mainly because I want to see the family and the prices are so much lower. Also, Ewen and I can hand Felix over to my parents and enjoy some time for just the two of us.
We did manage to sign up for the internet! It should start up around December 10.
I'm trying to figure out things to get Ewen for his birthday, which falls two days before he gets paid again (and I have very little money of my own). I was trying to get him to tell me about foods he might like to have around this month, as special treats. But he's not fussed about stuff like that. He likes crisps and biscuits (cookies) and chips and curry sauce.
Whereas there are loads of foods that I don't normally buy because they are expensive - goat's cheese, kalamata olives, brie, salmon, red pepper soup.... I'm sure I could list more.
Here are some more photos