(no subject)
do you ever feel stuck? i mean honest to God, panic inducingly stuck with no real idea about why you're feeling it at that exact moment or how you can stop it? i cannot stand that feeling and i keep getting it more and more. i dont know what it is but right now, in this moment, i have no clue what im doing. not just right now, but in general. what am i doing? im just waking up and going through the motions and really accomplishing much in terms of relationships or life plans or anything productive. and i dont know WHAT to do. i dont know how to change how i feel, or who i am, or what im doing. i dont know, or maybe i just dont want to, make things different. i do and i dont, i want them to be different but i dont know how to actually make them different.
sometimes i feel like i have so much to say but no one to tell it to without hurting peoples feelings, or making them feel uncomfortable, or making myself feel to vulnerable. im ultimately always disappointed when i try to confide in people because i never get the reactions that i expect, or hope for. i dont know what the deal is and its my fault alot of the time. i make a big deal about people not listening to me but maybe thats because im not always willing to talk. this doesnt even make any sense. sometimes i feel so alone that i really cant even breathe and how ridiculous does that sound but its true. and im not special because everyone has the same problems all the time everyday all around the world, and worse, and i am honestly running a complainathon. good. sometimes i really wish to just not be anywhere. im such a frikkin baby.