Updated FanFic: Bon Voyage - Chapter Fourteen
Title: Bon Voyage
Author: chelleanddan / cchellez on FF.net
Characters/Pairing: Bella/Edward
Rating: PG-13 to Chapter 8, M from Chapter 9 on.
Category: Friendship and Romance.
Spoilers: None.
Disclaimer: It's all SM's stuff... I'm just piddling in my free time.
Summary: Bella is trapped in the small town of Forks, lost in a world where she feels like she doesn’t belong. With a desire to get away from her now remarried family, what will the senior trip to Europe have in store for her? AU/AH B&E
Chapter Title: Wrapped In Your Arms
Chapter Summary: Bella faces her fears and goes to talk to Edward alone. But when she arrives at his hotel door, she finds a different person than the boy she knew in Paris. Will they be able to work through this misunderstanding and work towards building their love all over again?
Special Content: Comfort & Cadence - A Bella & Edward FanMix
This is the playlist I used for this chapter.
Read this fanfic:
@ FF.net: 1 ♥ 2 ♥ 3 ♥ 4 ♥ 5 ♥ 6 ♥ 7 ♥ 8 ♥ 9 ♥ 10 ♥ 11 ♥ 12 ♥ 13 ♥ 14
@ my LJ: Bon Voyage
A/N: Thank you for all of the beautiful reviews & following my story. I appreciate so much it would probably take me another 5,000 words to tell you.
This chapter is going to seem redundant in the beginning, but I wanted to include the way that Edward spends his time after the airport since we only got to see Bella’s POV last chapter.
I made a playlist for this chapter that you can download from my Live Journal. The link for it is in my author profile.
Thanks to druscilla831 for looking this over for me. :)
Disclaimer: I don’t own them, SM does. But you knew that already… right?
EPOV
Earlier that day…
The silence of my hotel suite encroached upon me as I lay on the massive bed. I was alone, and normally I would be begging for this kind of thing, but not today. Today was different…today I wished that my sister was here and we had conjoined rooms. It would be so much more comforting to know that she was only a few steps away. It would be easier knowing both her and Bella may only be on the other side of the wall. That’s if they were rooming together; I’d forgotten to ask for details in the heat of the moment. Today I had witnessed the damage I could do and the toll that my lack of apology was having on another human being. I couldn’t get the image out of mind; her beautiful hair destroyed and the look of horror from seeing me before cowering away. It haunted me now as I lay motionless staring at the ceiling, trying to trace the swirling plaster patterns with my eyes.
I could only hope that my sister was playing the miracle worker wherever she was. When she texted me in the airport terminal with her plan to assist Bella, I wanted to protest. Hell, I wanted to run down the hallway and scream at her to let me handle this in my own way. There were only four little words stopping me, four little words that made me pick up all of those heavy bags and just leave the terminal fuming.
“Or you’ll lose her,” I said aloud in a detached tone. It sounded so loud for those brief moments it took to say it, filling the emptiness before fading again.
I had been in Italy for hours, wasting away hidden in these four walls while life went on around me. One of the chaperones had knocked shortly after I had collapsed to the mattress, coming to find me for the group event. I faked an illness to cover my misery and self loathing. Alice had a bellhop come to retrieve her luggage not too long after. I didn’t bother asking what room the bags were heading to, I intended to give her all of the space she needed and wait for her instruction. She was better at these things than I.
Granted now that my thoughts were focusing on my sister, I still didn’t understand why she had the desire to help. It wasn’t like I deserved it or anything. I could only assume that it was mostly for Bella’s benefit. Alice had inherited the maternal and caring traits from our mother.
As if on cue, my phone chimed on the mantel. I groaned at the first resemblances of motor function since I’d settled in this flat position. My spine cracked with the effort it took me to roll on my side, but the release of tension was delicious. The screen lit up and displayed Alice’s name and quick note:
Heading out to shop with B. I love you brother. :)
My fingers flew across the qwerty keyboard in response:
I love you to sister mine. Be safe.
It wasn’t perfect, but at least we were keeping in touch.
Showering didn’t ease the anxiety I still held for Bella’s situation. I knew that she was hurting when I left her hotel room in Paris, but I hadn’t expected the mess she had been in the airport. Was she anguished during her time away? Had I ruined her trip by merely keeping silent? There was no way to know what she was thinking or feeling without either calling Alice or talking to her directly. I stood at the bathroom counter for a long time, staring at the mirror without really seeing the reflection. I splashed water on my face mechanically in an attempt to snap out of it. I felt the course hair growing in as I dragged my palms across my jaw, evidence that something was bothering me immensely. I only let my appearance go for two reasons: the first being when I was ill and the second was only when I was really put off by something. It had to be something big however; Alice never let me get away with not shaving for long, even if those times were few and far between.
After unhooking the towel from my hips, I threw it over the glass stall door and padded into my suite’s main room to throw on my lounging clothes. The Joe Boxer pajama pants were long enough to cover my feet and the shirt was a comfortable fit across my chest, perfect for doing absolutely nothing. My complete lack of motivation was foreign, and quite frankly frustrating. I didn’t want to go out, but I also didn’t want to sulk anymore either. Taking action and fixing the problem was the solution, but the four words chimed in my mind over and over again.
Or you’ll lose her.
I sighed in resignation as I took to my place again on the center of the bed, staring at the ceiling and running my hands through my damp hair.
****
The soft knocking sound at the door resonated through the stillness, jolting me out of my mind trip. I realized as I sat up and looked to the small clock on the mantel that it was later than I’d originally thought. I remembered cutting on the lights in the room only a little while ago. Had I really been out of it that long? Alice hadn’t contacted me since she announced her shopping trip with Bella earlier today. I silently hoped she was dropping by to see how I was and to ease some of my worries. I dragged my hand through my hair as I pulled my stiff body from the mattress for the second time today. My nails lightly scratched my scalp; something else to take care of when I pulled through this funk. The soft cotton of my pajama pants brushed my legs as I trudged across the carpet to the door.
I fumbled with the locks on the door and turned the knob to open one of the heavy wooden doors, revealing the dimly lit hallway. My eyes tried to adjust from the light in my room to the semi darkness and failed miserably. I moved in an attempt to block some of the light, looking down at the source of the knocking.
I damn near lost my breath.
The wide eyes stared up at me with a mixture of fear and innocence. I watched as they flitted over my body quickly and then returned to my face. No doubt she was searching erratically for some sort of explanation to my haggard appearance. The questions regarding as to what she was doing here threatened to escape my lips. Was she okay? How did my sister fix this broken girl? Did she really even want to be here? All of the negative thoughts I’d been replaying over and over all day started to slowly vanish, only to be replaced with new and more hopeful ones.
Her tiny hands quivered as she thrust the bowl filled with pink slop and drowning berries into my doorway. The combination of a sweet dessert with fruit tipped me off to its original creator. Alice knew my love for fresh fruits and yogurt. The sentiment of having Bella bring this bowl to me was my clue in. Surely this was why Alice hadn’t contacted me; she was busy working her magic charms on this girl, desperately in need of a friend. Sending her here was my sister’s gift to me, to allow me another chance. I’d finally get to say all of the things I had intended to in Paris.
I couldn’t help but smile as hope flared anew in my chest. The heat of it attempted to melt away the loathing I’d suffered through all day. A blush came to her cheeks just before she lowered her eyes to the bowl in her outstretched hands. I took it gingerly from her grasp, feeling the coldness of her flesh as I did so. Had she been holding this thing for hours?
“Hi,” she finally spoke up shyly.
Without really thinking, I reacted. The weight of the bowl shifted from my left to my right hand and I hooked my thumb over the lip of it for extra support. Grabbing Bella’s hand with mine, I pulled her into my suite, closing the door behind her with my elbow. It was now or never, and I wasn’t letting my chance escape me this time.
BPOV
As the door clicked behind me, I couldn’t help but stare at Edward’s hand still holding mine. His skin was cold, already chilled by the bowl of melting frozen yogurt I had brought him. I looked up hesitantly to his angelic face only to find him staring back at me. The smile his lips had held in the doorway was replaced by a more intense gaze. Something was burning in those fiery emerald eyes of his, something I couldn’t put my finger on until the electricity of his soft touch started to tingle across my flesh. I stared back at him, breathing through my mouth in little puffs as the air grew hotter. The memories of the inferno-like heat from our night in Paris tickled at my sub consciousness. Was this lust I was seeing? A longing for something more? In the few seconds that we stood at his hotel door, bound together by only by our palms, there was a sense of anticipation that wrapped its fingers around us. Neither of us moved, still staring at each other as we breathed in and out, almost in sync.
After what seemed like an eternity, Edward broke the silence first.
“Want to sit down?” he asked politely, withdrawing his hand from mine to grab the spoon’s handle.
“Sssure,” I stuttered out and followed him as we walked towards the couch on the other side of his suite.
I took in the room around me as I padded slowly behind him. His room was slightly smaller than Alice’s and mine; only housing one bed instead of two. His suitcase was tossed haphazardly in a large chair similar to the one I’d sat in only moments ago. The bed was still made, but the covers looked distressed in the center as if he’d been laying there. Had I woken him up? It was hard to tell from his rough appearance.
We finally reached the small couch, facing a wall mounted TV and sat down. He took the cushion closest to the window, already finishing up the bowl’s contents before setting it down empty on a side table. I plopped down on the opposite end uneasily. Quite frankly, I was nervous just to be in his presence, much less trying to form coherent thoughts and words to talk to him. The city lights shining in from the window behind him made him look ethereal. It wasn’t really helping my brain function any better either.
“Remind me to thank Alice for the dessert,” he said appreciatively, as he licked the remnants of yogurt from his bottom lip. I felt my breath hitch momentarily as he pulled his wicked tongue back into his mouth. “It was delicious, and I was rather famished.”
“I can go get you some more,” I stood a little too quickly. Maybe another pep talk with Alice would be good for me.
The flash of panic crossed his features and his hand touched my forearm lightly as he leaned forward across the couch. It was clear he did not want me to leave from his urgent tone.
“No,” he said as he applied a light pressure to my arm, “I’m fine, I promise.”
I eased back onto the couch cushion and he leaned back into his former position, still facing me but giving me space.
“How has my sister been?” he asked. Oh here we go, I thought. “I assume you’ve been staying with her,” he added with a smile and looked to the dessert bowl.
“She’s good,” I replied thinking of the shopping and his smile. I couldn’t help but smile too, his was so infectious. “You haven’t talked to her today?”
His face fell slightly with my question, “No, not since this morning.” I winced visibly at the thought of the airport.
The room fell eerily silent again as we sat together; he was staring at me and I was remembering my reflection in the airport’s bathroom mirror. A very large part of me wanted to run. I wasn’t good at dealing with confrontation or talking about my feelings with others. Edward’s presence only made it worse. I could picture his perfect eyes judging me, the look on his face while I explained myself; I would be completely mortified. Why had I ever agreed to come here to talk? I wasn’t brave at all!
“Bella?” he questioned softly, “Are you okay? You look like you’re going to be sick.”
I just might be, I thought morosely.
“I’m really sorry you had to see me that way this morning,” I paused drawing the thought together with an excuse, “I wasn’t myself.” I couldn’t bear to turn and look at him, so I continued to stare at the berber carpeting.
“I didn’t think so,” he stated plainly, shifting uncomfortably on the couch. So I wasn’t the only one that was uneasy about this. He took a deep breath and started again. “I want to tell you something, and I’m not sure if you’ll want to accept it or not but I need to get it out there in the open. I’m…”
Oh you have to be kidding me! That’s why he’s uncomfortable?
“Wait! Wait! You don’t have to tell me! Its okay if that’s why you stopped!” I blurted out, and then clapped my hands over my mouth. Who wasn’t feeling brave again? Oh right…me. I blushed furiously as I watched his brows arch in confusion. He didn’t have to tell me he was gay if he didn’t want to.
“What on earth are you talking about?”
I peeled my fingers from my lips. “It’s okay if you…swing both ways,” I said aloud and instantly regretted it. The look on his face was clear I had my signals crossed. What an idiot you are Bella.
“No, that is not what I was going to say; At all.”
“Sorry,” I said quietly, putting on my most apologetic face.
“What I was going to say however was that I’m sorry,” the words were rather blunt now. I’m sure they had lost their original intentions when I basically called him a homosexual.
“You’re sorry?”
“For Paris,” now it was his turn to be ashamed as he turned his piercing eyes to the floor. “I didn’t mean for things to go that far, honestly. I wish I could tell you what made me act in such a deplorable manner, but I can’t. I’ve been over it around and around and I can’t come up with a good enough excuse as to why I hurt you.” He grabbed at his t-shirt and scratched the fabric across his chest as he continued. “You don’t know how much restraint it took to say no to you. I really thought I would give in and just do it, just take you right there. But something in my conscience told me no, that it wasn’t right so I refrained. Little did I know that my methods of abstinence would cause you so much pain. I tried to come apologize, but by that point you were already gone,” he sighed in defeat and fell silent again.
I could feel my jaw hanging slack and open on my face, but I was too stunned to pull it together. My whole impression that night was that he didn’t want me.
“I know,” he continued after a short moment, “How terribly pathetic of me.” He finished it off with a dark laugh and stood.
“No, it’s not pathetic!” I protested, “It’s just not what I was thinking that night, and it…surprised me. That’s all.”
He looked at me like I had three heads as he stood before me, still framed by the window’s light.
“Please sit down,” I asked nicely and he obeyed. “When you left that night…I thought I had done something wrong, something that made me so repulsive to make you want to leave.” He shook his head no gently but didn’t interrupt. “It was all so sudden and abrupt, from beginning to end. I really didn’t know what to think other than to blame myself, so I did.”
“Bella, the only thing you did wrong that night was to make me want you so much,” I saw the fire flare up in his intense gaze which made my skin flush a shade of pink. “I just hope that you can forgive me for hurting you so badly. I didn’t mean for it to scar you so emotionally that you couldn’t be yourself. I trust that you feel better now that you’ve had time to deal with it?”
“You didn’t scar me Edward,” I told him sincerely. Yes, I was hurt over what happened that night. But now that the meanings behind the actions were clearer, it was hard to be angry at him. He was protecting me and doing what he thought in his mind was right. One could hardly be angry at him for it.
“I’m sorry, you just looked so devastated; more so this morning than that night,” I cringed at his honesty. “I just couldn’t help but to think that I had damaged you in some way.”
He balled his hands into his hair and curved in on himself. I felt helpless on my side of the couch, and the guilt of seeming like a total bitch shivered up my spine. Edward was taking the burden for the both of us and it didn’t have to be that way. Now as I sat here watching him, the tears began to pool in my eyes with shame. I had blamed myself and then turned that anger on him. He was innocent and so was I; this was all one huge misunderstanding.
I slid to his end of the couch as his shoulders began to quake in sobs and my tears spilled over. Wrapping my arms around him and pulling him to my chest, I cradled him as we cried together.
The minutes passed by slowly and his shoulders became still under my hands. I began peeling my arms from his large frame to give him the space that he needed. His hands unwound from his hair and clutched mine before I could move. I looked at his face as he lifted his head, bloodshot eyes staring back into mine.
“I’m so sorry Bella,” he croaked in a dry voice as a last tear slipped down his cheek.
“You have nothing to be sorry for Edward. If anything, we should be sorry for each other,” I smiled weakly at the irony of it all and brushed a stray lock of hair from his face.
“But I hurt you.”
“No, you didn’t,” I tried to ease his fears, “Everything is fine now.” The air hung around us, warm and tense from the emotions wafting off of us. “We shouldn’t dwell in the past; the only question now is where we go from here.”
EPOV
She was more of an angel than I could have ever asked for, taking me into her arms while I wept for my monstrosity. I watched her now with hollowed eyes as she wiped the drying tears from her cheeks. Bella had cried with me; the thought made my chest ache again, making me grab my shirt and rub it across my skin. It barely curbed the sensation. Bella had posed the point of where we go from here, and I truly had no idea. I suppose the logical thing to do would be to start back at the beginning, but how was that possible now after what we had been through? Would we ever be able to move past this?
She looked to me with hope that I had an answer and I was speechless. Her lips moved slightly and her tongue jutted out to moisten her lip before she spoke. I wanted to kiss her so fervently in that moment, if only to show her that it would be okay, but her words held me in my place.
“We should take this slow.” The words were so forthright and honest that they took me by surprise. I could understand her position however. Our relationship, however fragile it was, had progressed from zero to sixty in just a matter of days. “Maybe we should get to know each other better?” she shrugged awkwardly, “Like friends or something.”
Ughh, I thought. This was so uncomfortable and stiff.
“Sure,” I replied and tried to smile. I’m sure that it looked like some lopsided, pasted on travesty.
She scooted back to the other side of the couch and threw her legs up in the middle to get comfortable. I lounged back, stretching my back from the crooked position I had cried in. I still couldn’t believe I had cried in front of her. Why couldn’t I reserve that for the hours I was alone this morning?
“So where did you group go after France?” her question broke into my thoughts abruptly.
“Belgium, but I didn’t really do much while we were there.”
“Was it boring or did you not feel well?”
“A little of both,” I answered feebly.
Our conversation drifted back and forth, touching on everything from her time in Germany to my sister’s antics shopping this afternoon. A Porsche…really Alice? We decided on a movie as the conversation started to fade. She confessed that she wasn’t ready to go back and face my sister’s interrogation. I couldn’t blame her; my sister could be a brutal at times. The small place on my back reminded me of that.
“Ooo!” she squealed and pointed to the screen as I flipped through the hotel’s pay per view, “Can we watch Dumb and Dumber? That’s one of my favorites.” The smile on her face was priceless; how could I resist making her happy again?
I flipped on the movie and stretched out my arms across the back of the couch. Deep in thought before the first scene even hit the TV screen; I pondered the new bonds that Bella and I were forming. I could only hope that this plan would work. I don’t think I could allow myself to hurt her again, even if she’d denied it in the end.
Make it work Edward. Make it work.
My new mantra chanted on as Bella chuckled at my side.
BPOV
I woke to the sounds of soft chiming by my head and pulled my arm free of the covers to take a swipe at it. The correlation between where I had been the previous night and the bed covers clicked together, even in my hazy mind before my eyes flew open and I drew in a sharp gasp. The chiming was coming from a small ornamental clock on the mantel that held things that did not belong in my hotel room. The large, expensive men’s watch glared back at me as it cozied up to a bottle of men’s cologne. I could smell the faint scent of lilacs coming from the open cap resting on its side. As the chiming of the hour came to a close, another noise emerged to take its place. In that moment there was an innocent sound more terrifying than the steady growl of a rabid dog about to attack; it was snoring, and it was close.
I closed my eyes again, taking in a personal inventory as I silently cursed myself for possibly giving into my more wanton desires. The soft snoring continued behind me as I realized I was still clothed, my t shirt and pajama pants all shifted like I had slept in them. I wasn’t sore as I shifted around silently under the fluffy white bed covers. I dared a chance at rolling over, expecting to find Edward drooling in his sleep on the pillow beside me.
When I rolled over and opened my eyes slowly, he wasn’t resting beside me but was sitting in one of the oversized chairs he’d pulled up to the bedside, completely passed out. I covered my mouth as I stifled a giggle and began examining him unabashedly. His feet were propped up on the mattress like he was relaxing after a day’s work with his arms draped over each armrest in complete disarray. The expanse on his long neck was visible as his head was hanging across the back of the chair, soft snoring coming from his open mouth. The position he was in looked ridiculous and completely uncomfortable, but somehow he was fine this way. I looked at the empty space that lay unoccupied next to me in the bed, instantly feeling guilty at how comfortable and well rested I felt. This was his bed and I was taking that comfort away from him. The feathered comforter started making ruffling noises as I pushed it off of me and got up out of the bed to head to the bathroom to wash the morning funk out of my mouth and brush my unruly hair.
When I returned a few minutes later looking much more presentable, Edward was sitting upright in the chair, trying to wake up as he looked at me with drooping eyelids.
“What are you doing awake at this ungodly hour?” he asked in a gruff voice, lazily wiping his eye with his hand. I hadn’t neglected to notice it was only five-thirty in the morning.
“The clock woke me up,” I said as I pointed to the clock on the mantel. “Your snoring didn’t help either.” I couldn’t help but giggle now that he was awake, and it elicited a groan from him in return.
“You weren’t supposed to hear that,” he said to me after a few quiet moments, the corner of his mouth turning up in a languid grin.
“Well I hadn’t expected to spend the night either. I’m sure your sister is wondering where I’m at.”
“She’ll get over it,” he quipped.
“Just like you’ll get into bed and get into a decent sleeping position,” I said as I patted the pillow from where I stood next to the bed.
“You can have the bed, I’m fine here.”
“It’s not fair that I take your bed when I have a perfectly good one I can use down the hall,” I laughed nervously as I began to pull my hair back into a sloppy bun.
The look in his eyes told me he wanted to protest, but he couldn’t fight the sagging of his eyelids and it was betraying his side of the argument. I patted the pillow again softly, making little popping noises on the soft fabric as my hand signaled for him to just crawl in and get it over with. He rose from the chair and crawled slowly across the huge mattress in just a few movements. He stopped hesitantly in front of me instead of lying down like I had suggested. Even resting on his knees, he was still taller than me. His exasperated expression was more evident up close though; the bloodshot look was still there in his eyes, framed by his facial hair and parted lips. The t shirt he wore rose and fell on his chest as he breathed in and out in the quiet room.
I couldn’t help but stare back into his eyes with pity as he looked at me. He had confessed his secrets to me the night before and now here he was, still wanting to give up his bed and tranquil sleep for me to feel more comfortable. Now that we had cleared the air, it was easier to see that his intentions were only in my best interests and to keep me happy. I wasn’t sure that I could ever repay him for the amount of restraint and respect he afforded to me.
“Go to sleep Edward,” I chided him again before turning to head to the door, “I’ll see you later okay?”
I wasn’t able to take a step before his hand shot out like a whip and grabbed my right wrist, his long fingers snaking around it in a tiny circle. I gasped in shock, gawking at him as he pulled me gently back to the bedside. I watched as his right hand rose up from his side, almost mechanically as he stared back at me with a crooked smile. His lazy gaze held mine as he reached behind my head and laced his fingers into the hair that was resting on the nape of my neck. The cool touch tickled and made me shiver in response which in turn made him chuckle. It was a delicious sound, coming up from his expansive chest and erupting through his lips before he fell silent again. I briefly wondered if he would kiss me as his fingers began to move in my hair and his longing emerald eyes trailed to my lips. We had agreed to move ahead slowly but had never really discussed what those boundaries were. Was kissing me his definition of slow? I realized that even with his hold on my wrist that I couldn’t move, and even more striking was the fact that I wasn’t sure that I wanted to.
After a few loud heartbeats, I felt my hair cascade around my shoulders and fall softly down my back. I didn’t miss the relief that crossed his face or the lingering touch as he dragged his hand through the curtains of it and back to his side. His eyes returned to mine, slowly taking in my face as he looked up longingly from my lips. He clutched the thin elastic hair tie as he unwrapped his fingers gingerly from my wrist and held it up for me to see.
“Please…don’t wear your hair up anymore,” he pleaded softly and closed his eyes before he crashed to the mattress in exhaustion.
I could only smile at the sweetness of that moment, hearing his soft breathing and waiting as they turned into small snores. I reached for the comforter and pulled it over his long and relaxed form before leaving through the suite’s massive double doors.
A/N: Please review! I love reading every single one of them.