i never do this twice in one day
my post earlier today was extremely depressing i guess... it had just been a long couple of days for me i guess... and to add to it, i wanted to go rollerblading this morning and when i got on the path, it was covered in little seeds and branches from all the trees because of the storm last night, and my iPod had run out of battery, so i turned around less than a half mile down the path and came home... very grumpy... then proceeded to write that post...
i know i'm not the only one who doesn't have money... i guess i would have to give a small background that for the past few years or so, whenever i've got depressed i would buy myself something, whether it be a movie, a shirt, shoes... whatever... and it would cheer me up for a little while, i would do this to stay at least somewhat happy on the outside, so people didn't realize how i actually felt... well right now i'm just lonely... and what i really want i can't have, i know that, i can try to convince vanessa to move here, but it won't happen, and that's not really what's depressing me (not that it doesn't make me sad at all), it's more of the fact that almost nobody is here, i want to play brian one-on-one, i want to play volleyball with everybody, i want to eat ice cream on the terrace, play cards, watch movies... things like that, because that's what summer should be, but it's not... it's work, shell, eat, sleep... and repeat... so in the end... what i wanted to do last night was buy some shoes... or a shirt... something... anything... but i realized i couldn't...
after writing that post i proceeded to go to work today... it was seriously one of the longest shifts ever... there weren't very many of us working, but there was also a lack of people in our department... actually i take that back, there were a lot of people, but most of them were just looking, or pricing things out... stuff like that. they'll come back some night after work when their kids don't have soccer and order a shit ton of stuff for their deck or shed or landscaping shit going on at their house in fucking suburbia hell verona or middleton or fitchburg and have it delivered friday or saturday morning so they can do their american duty of housework and chores on their weekends away from work... i'm not sure why that turned so synical... maybe because it's relatively the truth... i've seen it hundreds of times in the two weeks i've been at menards...
while i was at work though, bohac called, he's in town because another guy i know from brf qualified for state as an individual in golf, so i picked him up from the hotel they're staying at, and we went down to knuckleheads so he could get some cigars, qdoba so i could eat dinner, and the proceeded to walk on state street for a while, which was nice, when i took him back i stopped in and talked to my golf coaches from high school, both nice guys, one is probably the person i would most like to turn into when i grow up (i just used the term 'when i grow up' two weeks before my 21st birthday... that's sad), the other is a tool, but still a nice guy.
this all leads me to now, i am in a better mood, tired, bored and lonely still, but refreshed from seeing a different face, not just one of the ten people i work with at menards or one of the tools from the burbs that buy all our shit
i know i'm not the only one who doesn't have money... i guess i would have to give a small background that for the past few years or so, whenever i've got depressed i would buy myself something, whether it be a movie, a shirt, shoes... whatever... and it would cheer me up for a little while, i would do this to stay at least somewhat happy on the outside, so people didn't realize how i actually felt... well right now i'm just lonely... and what i really want i can't have, i know that, i can try to convince vanessa to move here, but it won't happen, and that's not really what's depressing me (not that it doesn't make me sad at all), it's more of the fact that almost nobody is here, i want to play brian one-on-one, i want to play volleyball with everybody, i want to eat ice cream on the terrace, play cards, watch movies... things like that, because that's what summer should be, but it's not... it's work, shell, eat, sleep... and repeat... so in the end... what i wanted to do last night was buy some shoes... or a shirt... something... anything... but i realized i couldn't...
after writing that post i proceeded to go to work today... it was seriously one of the longest shifts ever... there weren't very many of us working, but there was also a lack of people in our department... actually i take that back, there were a lot of people, but most of them were just looking, or pricing things out... stuff like that. they'll come back some night after work when their kids don't have soccer and order a shit ton of stuff for their deck or shed or landscaping shit going on at their house in fucking suburbia hell verona or middleton or fitchburg and have it delivered friday or saturday morning so they can do their american duty of housework and chores on their weekends away from work... i'm not sure why that turned so synical... maybe because it's relatively the truth... i've seen it hundreds of times in the two weeks i've been at menards...
while i was at work though, bohac called, he's in town because another guy i know from brf qualified for state as an individual in golf, so i picked him up from the hotel they're staying at, and we went down to knuckleheads so he could get some cigars, qdoba so i could eat dinner, and the proceeded to walk on state street for a while, which was nice, when i took him back i stopped in and talked to my golf coaches from high school, both nice guys, one is probably the person i would most like to turn into when i grow up (i just used the term 'when i grow up' two weeks before my 21st birthday... that's sad), the other is a tool, but still a nice guy.
this all leads me to now, i am in a better mood, tired, bored and lonely still, but refreshed from seeing a different face, not just one of the ten people i work with at menards or one of the tools from the burbs that buy all our shit