Apr 12, 2009 13:39
This almost freaks me out in a way - just looking back on how much i have grown up and changed in the last 5 years is scary. Maybe i have changed in a lot of good ways - but also some that aren't so good. When did everyone really start to hate me? Maybe everyone doesn't actually hate me - but no one really wants to hang out ever and i just keep finding myself wishing paige were here. clinging to people that probably wont ever live with me. People are just so weird out here. Adam has changed a lot too but I need to start being a different person. I shouldnt be afarid of being friends with guys and i should make an effort to hang out. i think jessie and kelly like me but maybe i'm wrong. how come our house isnt cool enough for other people to want to live here? How come Casey is so uptight? Why can't we have a fun household of people...like we should. we are fun sometimes arent we?
It also give me a sense of releif to know Danny's blog is still out there - since Noah Grey's is gone and he was the best ever. So sad. this is growing up I suppose.
Then I realize that in these last 5 years that I have changed so much I have been with Casey through all of it. Maybe this isn't good for us, but the more I meet people the more i really dont seem to have interest in them. Casey and I have it. We are those lucky people. And I want to marry him. Im getting old and if we are going to commit to eachother we might as well do it officially now. I guess it doesnt really matter at all though. I want to move and create a new life. Be a better, more fun person. And have Casey do it with me. We'll see what happens.