Fertility and the issues that come with it...
So I'm going to make a feeble attempt to update a smidgen of what happened today at the OB/GYN. I'm kind of in a whirlwind, so I apologize if it's a bit haphazard and off the mark.
Today we get to the gyno at 9am. Turns out my appointment wasn't until 9:30, but by the time I got the paperwork filled out, it was after 9:30 and they had JUST started calling patients in. Turns out the doctors were late getting there this morning. So I finally get in and get weighed and I find I lost some weight... yay for me... the skinny little Med. Assistant didn't really get the small victory I was enjoying, because, well, she's skinny. lol. So then I go and give my little pee sample and I believe it was negative, because the Dr. Didn't really say anything about it. So I get into the gown, in a cold little room that was devoid of any personal-ish items in it and I have merely a paper gown covering my boobs and a big ole paper blanket covering my bottom half... and I sit there... for a WHILE... shivering the whole way and then the doctor finally comes in. We spoke of fertility stuff... she wanted me to wait to go to the infertility doctor until they could determine what--- or if there was a problem... and apparently its always good to see what the gyno can do for you... so she ordered the works for me. I get out of the room and go to the counter and wait for EVER for this stupid woman to get my paperwork ready so I can go give blood for a full fertility/hormonal/pregnancy screening. The Doctor was really concerned because I haven't had a period since October. They want me to continue tracking my BBT daily, which is cool... fine. I hate it, but for the cause of tracking fertility, it's a necessity. So the girl had to be new because she couldn't seem to figure out... HELLO, obviously I'm having fertility issues... I mean, a full fertility blood panel, an internal ultrasound to schedule, a semen analysis for Robbie to give, and then if all comes back okay, one last procedure called a Hysterosalpigography... basically I have to ensure I'm NOT pregnant and they strap me onto a table with stirrups and inject a dye into my uterus and through my fallopian tubes and they place an x-ray machine right on top of my abdomen to get several shots of the dyed stuff to ensure there is not a blockage of any kind preventing my eggs from getting to the right place. But I don't have to do that until they do all the other tests. So I finally get my work order for the blood test and I walk back and the lady was super nice and took about 7 viles of blood... and then I scheduled my internal ultrasound for next Friday and then I get out of there. On the way home I'm explaining all this to Robbie and I was just fried. I was in there for almost 2 1/2 hours getting this crap done... so now we'll just wait and see what my blood panel says, and then the ultrasound next week, which I make a follow up appointment for about a week after that. I'm going to do all the less invasive stuff first and then this Hysterosalpingography (which is a day or two of recovery time, so time off of work, because the dye is water based and causes everything inside to stretch open, causing severe cramps and leaky discharge for a day or two) is an option after all of that. I have to see how much the insurance will cover of all of this anyway... generally, fertility stuff is minimally covered under most insurances, if at all. Robbie found out that In-vitro fertilization is covered for the first round, so I imagine they have to be pretty good at covering most of these tests and stuff. The lady at the desk did warn me that we will see some bills coming in the mail for all of this, and we may have to argue with the insurance company when it comes to coverage. JUST what I'm looking forward to.
So after that morning, I decided to take a nap... and I slept for 4 hours. I told Becky, I don't know if was the fact they took all that blood from me and I hadn't eaten, or the fact that all of these tests and stuff are just exhausting... or if part of it is the fact that this just depresses me that we have to go through all of this. Sitting in the lobby at the Dr's office, there were 2 pregnant, obviously teenage girls sitting there with their mothers. They probably (I assume, of course) had an oops moment and now were knocked up. It's getting harder and harder for me to look at a pregnant woman and be 100% happy for them, and not be just a little bit jealous. I don't like to be jealous... and I rarely look at another person and say, I want what they have, because I have always been super Thankful for all the Blessings God has given me. It's just so hard right now... for me to understand how God can put all this desire and passion in my heart to want to conceive a child and make our family whole and then in the next moment, make it so difficult for us to do so. Robbie said to me today, "Candace, when has anything been easy for us? Haven't we had to struggle for everything we have? And we've made it through all of that and we'll make it through this." He's right... everything has been so hard for us... from getting through our College years and working years to struggling with our faith and sorting out garbage and baggage from the past... even getting our home and climbing the corporate ladder... it's all been so hard, but God has shown us the way. I wish the way were clear here... I find myself consumed with worry and I find it so difficult to put this in HIS hands. The prayers everyone has sent have been helpful though. This is just yet another thing I'm struggling to give over to God. And then I think, maybe that's what he's waiting for? (sigh) In the meantime, it's easy just to worry. I'm working on it though. Until next time... Thank you for all the prayers!
Today we get to the gyno at 9am. Turns out my appointment wasn't until 9:30, but by the time I got the paperwork filled out, it was after 9:30 and they had JUST started calling patients in. Turns out the doctors were late getting there this morning. So I finally get in and get weighed and I find I lost some weight... yay for me... the skinny little Med. Assistant didn't really get the small victory I was enjoying, because, well, she's skinny. lol. So then I go and give my little pee sample and I believe it was negative, because the Dr. Didn't really say anything about it. So I get into the gown, in a cold little room that was devoid of any personal-ish items in it and I have merely a paper gown covering my boobs and a big ole paper blanket covering my bottom half... and I sit there... for a WHILE... shivering the whole way and then the doctor finally comes in. We spoke of fertility stuff... she wanted me to wait to go to the infertility doctor until they could determine what--- or if there was a problem... and apparently its always good to see what the gyno can do for you... so she ordered the works for me. I get out of the room and go to the counter and wait for EVER for this stupid woman to get my paperwork ready so I can go give blood for a full fertility/hormonal/pregnancy screening. The Doctor was really concerned because I haven't had a period since October. They want me to continue tracking my BBT daily, which is cool... fine. I hate it, but for the cause of tracking fertility, it's a necessity. So the girl had to be new because she couldn't seem to figure out... HELLO, obviously I'm having fertility issues... I mean, a full fertility blood panel, an internal ultrasound to schedule, a semen analysis for Robbie to give, and then if all comes back okay, one last procedure called a Hysterosalpigography... basically I have to ensure I'm NOT pregnant and they strap me onto a table with stirrups and inject a dye into my uterus and through my fallopian tubes and they place an x-ray machine right on top of my abdomen to get several shots of the dyed stuff to ensure there is not a blockage of any kind preventing my eggs from getting to the right place. But I don't have to do that until they do all the other tests. So I finally get my work order for the blood test and I walk back and the lady was super nice and took about 7 viles of blood... and then I scheduled my internal ultrasound for next Friday and then I get out of there. On the way home I'm explaining all this to Robbie and I was just fried. I was in there for almost 2 1/2 hours getting this crap done... so now we'll just wait and see what my blood panel says, and then the ultrasound next week, which I make a follow up appointment for about a week after that. I'm going to do all the less invasive stuff first and then this Hysterosalpingography (which is a day or two of recovery time, so time off of work, because the dye is water based and causes everything inside to stretch open, causing severe cramps and leaky discharge for a day or two) is an option after all of that. I have to see how much the insurance will cover of all of this anyway... generally, fertility stuff is minimally covered under most insurances, if at all. Robbie found out that In-vitro fertilization is covered for the first round, so I imagine they have to be pretty good at covering most of these tests and stuff. The lady at the desk did warn me that we will see some bills coming in the mail for all of this, and we may have to argue with the insurance company when it comes to coverage. JUST what I'm looking forward to.
So after that morning, I decided to take a nap... and I slept for 4 hours. I told Becky, I don't know if was the fact they took all that blood from me and I hadn't eaten, or the fact that all of these tests and stuff are just exhausting... or if part of it is the fact that this just depresses me that we have to go through all of this. Sitting in the lobby at the Dr's office, there were 2 pregnant, obviously teenage girls sitting there with their mothers. They probably (I assume, of course) had an oops moment and now were knocked up. It's getting harder and harder for me to look at a pregnant woman and be 100% happy for them, and not be just a little bit jealous. I don't like to be jealous... and I rarely look at another person and say, I want what they have, because I have always been super Thankful for all the Blessings God has given me. It's just so hard right now... for me to understand how God can put all this desire and passion in my heart to want to conceive a child and make our family whole and then in the next moment, make it so difficult for us to do so. Robbie said to me today, "Candace, when has anything been easy for us? Haven't we had to struggle for everything we have? And we've made it through all of that and we'll make it through this." He's right... everything has been so hard for us... from getting through our College years and working years to struggling with our faith and sorting out garbage and baggage from the past... even getting our home and climbing the corporate ladder... it's all been so hard, but God has shown us the way. I wish the way were clear here... I find myself consumed with worry and I find it so difficult to put this in HIS hands. The prayers everyone has sent have been helpful though. This is just yet another thing I'm struggling to give over to God. And then I think, maybe that's what he's waiting for? (sigh) In the meantime, it's easy just to worry. I'm working on it though. Until next time... Thank you for all the prayers!