DEAR LORD
Goodness, Tonight I got some great advice that I thought was fucking dumb at first. And the reason why was because I thought it was Marcel just jealous that I wasn’t hanging out with him and wanted to go to the party with Hannah. But Marcel knew I want one really for parting and drinking and that is why he told me. But I didn’t listen to him! Before we left (Hannah and me) we invited Marcel and his friend Ian to come. I kind of knew it wasn’t going to be a good idea to bring Marcel to that party but I said fuck it I don’t care what anyone else thinks. We were supposed to meet at Casey’s in Tomah but before we left Ian said that he didn’t know if he was going, so we didn’t expect them to go. But we did go there and waited on them longer than we said we were and that pissed off Hannah! But hell was doing this for her so she could wait for me to see him! Ohh and Hannah had this brilliant idea about dressing VERY revealing! NOT ME USUALLY, but I’m like hey it’s for fun. So here I was in a VERY short mini a belly shirt and knee high boots, talk about stripper apparel! Very odd but I went along with it. So we got to the party, and people commented on how “hot” I looked. W/e that meant, because it wasn’t me at all! Anyways, I was not feeling the best; I had so much shit on my mind it was crazy! And it is still on my mind, but anyways... I remembered how I used to deal with my problems like this and it was drinking and parting and running away from the “issues” that was going on in my life at the time. But I had this thing planned out that now I was going to dance and talk about it with people and just think about it, but none of that was working! I couldn’t think while I was dancing, Aaron the person that I tell everything to and that knows me THE REAL ONE; I could not talk to anymore and when I tried I just got mad at him and left! And that’s not good because I haven’t talked to him in a while, and I need him back! Anyways I went to this party and I got a beer and was drinking it. All of a sudden I heard Marcel’s words in the back of my mind. I was like wtf am I doing? This isn’t me at all! I went and threw away the beer right there told Hannah that I was leaving (which she got disappointed in me for) and I took off. When I was driving I started getting really teary and I don’t even know why! But I wiped my eyes and there was all the eye make-up all over the face! I almost hit a car and ran off the road on the way home. And I missed my house. Idk what is going on but there is something wrong with me! I’m not the same that I used to be! I went into my room looked in the mirror and just stood there for like 10 minutes just fucking confused as hell as what I had became! It wasn’t me and idk where I am but hopefully this will pass! I think in all honesty it is the stress in my life; From college to friends to family to Marcel to every little thing anymore. I just don’t know! Well I’m done rambling on about how Rebecca is totally lost. Well if u didn’t know I am back from the beach, but I have not posted about it like I promised…I will do that as soon as I get time. But I’m going to call it a night, later muah!