Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens...
Did I ever mention how much I hate the winter? I mean really. Let's run
down a list of reasons I hate everything about late autumn, winter,
early spring in Ohio.
1) I hate the cold. I really really hate the cold. I should not see any smoke or steam coming out of my mouth unless I just smoked something. Wearing 2 shirts, a sweater, a coat, hat, scarf, gloves, boots, wool socks, long underwear, and THEN you have to pee, which now takes about 30 seconds longer to get ready for. At least on that issue I'm not a girl. I wish I had a little bubble with a space heater instead so I could go everywhere in boxers and a t-shirt.
1A) I hate snow/ ice. If snow were warm, it would be one of the most kickass substances to ever exist. I mean it would even kick the ass of KY jelly, and don't even tell me that stuff isn't amazing. Actually, I've never even experienced KY jelly, but I do imagine it would kick ass. But as is, snow sucks donkey rockets. Snow ball fights are sweet, but anything that can get into my jeans, slide down into my crotch, and make my balls disappear is a fucking joke. Don't even get me started on the driving aspect. You all remember me sliding off I-480 and taking out that mile marker.
2) I hate the holiday season. Yea, my birthday is nice and all. And to a certain extent I like seeing my family. But god damn christmas music in retail shops, on the radio, on TV. It makes me want to stuff hot scissors through my ears. I can't stand the fake, "Hey everyone, be happy, it's the Holidays!" bullshit that everyone tries to pass off as genuine. The holidays are an expensive, stressful time that I think should just be abolished. Give me the time off school and give me the presents, but cut all the Happy Chanukka crud or however the crap its spelled.
2A) I can't stand the politically correct atmosphere that the holidays bring out. Why do we need to say "Happy Holidays" instead of Merry Christmas? If someone doesn't like hearing Merry Christmas, then stay the fuck away from a shopping mall between Thanksgiving and December 24th. I have no problem with the Hanukkahs and other religious holidays of the world, they're all cool as far as I'm concerned. But don't be a fucking offended puss when I say "Merry Christmas" to you. If you're Jewish, say, "I'm sorry, I"m not Christian." And then I'll apologize and say have a happy holiday season. If I went to Beachwood and someone told me Happy Chanuhankahcnaka, I'd reply with a "thanks", or a "you too." I'm not gonna give the person a dirty look. People need to pull their fucking tampons out, seriously.
2B) Kwanzaa. Yup, I'm pulling out the race card. Considering anyone that reads this knows I'm not a klan member or anything remotely near one, I have no problem saying I have a problem with Kwanzaa. Now the lessons behind Kwanzaa: Umoja (unity), Kujichagulia (self- determination), Ujima (collective responsibility), Ujamaa (cooperative economics), Nia (purpose), Kuumba (creativity), and Imani (faith), are all reasonable self assertive things that each one of us can think about on a daily basis. That is where the problem lies. Each one of us can do these things. Why in the world does it need to be an African -American holiday week? If you want to go out and have a Monjumbuu day where you beat out hymns of joy on ebony rhythym sticks, then I'm all for it as long as I can drink with you. Make it like a St. Patty's day devoted to Africans. I'm cool with that. I see plenty of my dark skinned brethren at the parade downtown. Just don't exclude everyone else because they are of a different culture. To me, that is a problem with racism in society as a whole, no matter what culture you are.
2C) I hate working retail during the holidays. The lines, the mess, the people. I think this is probably just a symptom of me hating society in general, but I cannot stand it anymore. I think theres a certain amount of mass hysteria that goes around this time of year. I believe in mass consciousness and energy levels, (yea, I know that makes me sound like a god damned tree hugger, but deal with it), and I think that everyones fake happiness and suppressed stress turns the entire country into a mess of whackos. I think a bunch of crack heads who havent had their fix in a few days would be cleaner in a retail store than your typical holiday shopper. All care for other humans just gets tossed out the window. Beat someone up for a Furby? Sounds like a plan to me. Throw shoe boxes around the store and put things back where they don't belong so that when you go to close you find men's shoes in the women's section and kid's shoes in the dressing rooms? Oooh, what fun! Yea, retail sucks, but the off season is a cakewalk compared to November and December.
So there you go. I hate winter. Fuck snow, fuck shopping. it can all burn in hell.
1) I hate the cold. I really really hate the cold. I should not see any smoke or steam coming out of my mouth unless I just smoked something. Wearing 2 shirts, a sweater, a coat, hat, scarf, gloves, boots, wool socks, long underwear, and THEN you have to pee, which now takes about 30 seconds longer to get ready for. At least on that issue I'm not a girl. I wish I had a little bubble with a space heater instead so I could go everywhere in boxers and a t-shirt.
1A) I hate snow/ ice. If snow were warm, it would be one of the most kickass substances to ever exist. I mean it would even kick the ass of KY jelly, and don't even tell me that stuff isn't amazing. Actually, I've never even experienced KY jelly, but I do imagine it would kick ass. But as is, snow sucks donkey rockets. Snow ball fights are sweet, but anything that can get into my jeans, slide down into my crotch, and make my balls disappear is a fucking joke. Don't even get me started on the driving aspect. You all remember me sliding off I-480 and taking out that mile marker.
2) I hate the holiday season. Yea, my birthday is nice and all. And to a certain extent I like seeing my family. But god damn christmas music in retail shops, on the radio, on TV. It makes me want to stuff hot scissors through my ears. I can't stand the fake, "Hey everyone, be happy, it's the Holidays!" bullshit that everyone tries to pass off as genuine. The holidays are an expensive, stressful time that I think should just be abolished. Give me the time off school and give me the presents, but cut all the Happy Chanukka crud or however the crap its spelled.
2A) I can't stand the politically correct atmosphere that the holidays bring out. Why do we need to say "Happy Holidays" instead of Merry Christmas? If someone doesn't like hearing Merry Christmas, then stay the fuck away from a shopping mall between Thanksgiving and December 24th. I have no problem with the Hanukkahs and other religious holidays of the world, they're all cool as far as I'm concerned. But don't be a fucking offended puss when I say "Merry Christmas" to you. If you're Jewish, say, "I'm sorry, I"m not Christian." And then I'll apologize and say have a happy holiday season. If I went to Beachwood and someone told me Happy Chanuhankahcnaka, I'd reply with a "thanks", or a "you too." I'm not gonna give the person a dirty look. People need to pull their fucking tampons out, seriously.
2B) Kwanzaa. Yup, I'm pulling out the race card. Considering anyone that reads this knows I'm not a klan member or anything remotely near one, I have no problem saying I have a problem with Kwanzaa. Now the lessons behind Kwanzaa: Umoja (unity), Kujichagulia (self- determination), Ujima (collective responsibility), Ujamaa (cooperative economics), Nia (purpose), Kuumba (creativity), and Imani (faith), are all reasonable self assertive things that each one of us can think about on a daily basis. That is where the problem lies. Each one of us can do these things. Why in the world does it need to be an African -American holiday week? If you want to go out and have a Monjumbuu day where you beat out hymns of joy on ebony rhythym sticks, then I'm all for it as long as I can drink with you. Make it like a St. Patty's day devoted to Africans. I'm cool with that. I see plenty of my dark skinned brethren at the parade downtown. Just don't exclude everyone else because they are of a different culture. To me, that is a problem with racism in society as a whole, no matter what culture you are.
2C) I hate working retail during the holidays. The lines, the mess, the people. I think this is probably just a symptom of me hating society in general, but I cannot stand it anymore. I think theres a certain amount of mass hysteria that goes around this time of year. I believe in mass consciousness and energy levels, (yea, I know that makes me sound like a god damned tree hugger, but deal with it), and I think that everyones fake happiness and suppressed stress turns the entire country into a mess of whackos. I think a bunch of crack heads who havent had their fix in a few days would be cleaner in a retail store than your typical holiday shopper. All care for other humans just gets tossed out the window. Beat someone up for a Furby? Sounds like a plan to me. Throw shoe boxes around the store and put things back where they don't belong so that when you go to close you find men's shoes in the women's section and kid's shoes in the dressing rooms? Oooh, what fun! Yea, retail sucks, but the off season is a cakewalk compared to November and December.
So there you go. I hate winter. Fuck snow, fuck shopping. it can all burn in hell.