are you a boy or a girl?
...and then there's the argument the two year olds i work with had the other day:
j: "dylan is a boy." a: "no! dylan is a girl." j: "no! he's a boy!" a: "no! she's a girl." i swear. it was just like that. with me sitting on the rug next to them, speechless. and with not a clue how to support this conversation, how to encourage this confusion, how to applaud and reinforce this questioning. i mean, they are two and a half years old. they are just beginning to articulate societies obsession with gender. and they have ME in their lives.
and we have played and cried and grown and napped and sat in the sun together. as three people. three living creatures who love each other, without gender. it only mattered that the sippy cups were full, that there were enough crackers for everyone, that the playground was open, that the sun was shinning...and now, suddenly, everything is taking a backseat to the big question..."ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL?"
...because you must be ONE or the OTHER and we have to figure it out before we go down the slide...
...our LIVES depend on it!!
and i see them boxing themselves in. and i don't know how to love them enough to keep them free of the box.
and i am in mourning.
i am mourning their freedom to express themselves, to be present to their reaction, to their needs and desires...to dive into the grass and breath in the sunshine...to cry and to play and to love...without filtering out that which is *other*
and i am mourning my freedom to do all those things with them...feeling so alive and so present.
(and it isn't that there was really a time when the three of us were *free* of gender...but the time before spoken language was so different, *felt* so free)
j: "dylan is a boy." a: "no! dylan is a girl." j: "no! he's a boy!" a: "no! she's a girl." i swear. it was just like that. with me sitting on the rug next to them, speechless. and with not a clue how to support this conversation, how to encourage this confusion, how to applaud and reinforce this questioning. i mean, they are two and a half years old. they are just beginning to articulate societies obsession with gender. and they have ME in their lives.
and we have played and cried and grown and napped and sat in the sun together. as three people. three living creatures who love each other, without gender. it only mattered that the sippy cups were full, that there were enough crackers for everyone, that the playground was open, that the sun was shinning...and now, suddenly, everything is taking a backseat to the big question..."ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL?"
...because you must be ONE or the OTHER and we have to figure it out before we go down the slide...
...our LIVES depend on it!!
and i see them boxing themselves in. and i don't know how to love them enough to keep them free of the box.
and i am in mourning.
i am mourning their freedom to express themselves, to be present to their reaction, to their needs and desires...to dive into the grass and breath in the sunshine...to cry and to play and to love...without filtering out that which is *other*
and i am mourning my freedom to do all those things with them...feeling so alive and so present.
(and it isn't that there was really a time when the three of us were *free* of gender...but the time before spoken language was so different, *felt* so free)