Emo time
I can't deal. At least not well.
Everything's changed. Cue jingle "I don't want to grow up, I'm a toy 'r' us kid..."
My life has turned over...a complete 180 since high school. I'm a massive science major who has to bow out of parties instead of starting them, I spend my days with my nose in a book. I'm never well rested anymore, and it's never due to a true hell week, but only to a hellish week. I'm lucky if theatre can squeeze into my schedule, much less let it dominate. I live in my theatre sweatshirt from high school instead of the theatre itself. My best friend of over a decade whose lives we knew inside and out...I'm lucky if she even talks to me anymore. I used to rarely be without a love interest if not a definite boyfriend, now I've been single almost 2 years, ever confused about what I want, and no longer confining myself to guys or relationships, it seems. I'm more into my religion than I've ever been, I go to mass every week all by myself, singing and playing in choir. I spend all my time with girls talking about almost nothing...at least it seems to be almost nothing of any depth.
It's exciting knowing where I'm going, but I can't figure out if it's the right direction, especially because it was such a 180. I went to see the musical Company at Emmanuel tonight. After a great show, the last of their season, so many members of the company were crying because the seniors are about to graduate and their theatre life at Emmanuel is over. I miss that a hell of a lot. Not the sobbing because that's sad, but the reason for it is what I miss. I miss the family I had (however incestuous it may have been, haha). This is why I keep questioning myself. Nursing doesn't give me that warm, fuzzy feeling that theatre does. I'm not even talking about the one you feel when you bow to a standing ovation. I'm talking about the feeling you get at the end of the night when the adrenaline can stop pumping and you know all that hard work and sacrifice, all those long nights and weekends of hell...it was worth it because you've developed into a little family that always works their asses off for each other. It was my safety net, I guess.
I keep questioning my career choice. I don't want to change because it's such a great choice (good money, good will...). I find it so interesting, but I don't know if my heart's in it. My heart is stuck in music and theatre. I always said, I can get the career I'm good at and be not-so-talented in the things I love. But I don't have time for the things I love with nursing.
Everything's changed. Cue jingle "I don't want to grow up, I'm a toy 'r' us kid..."
My life has turned over...a complete 180 since high school. I'm a massive science major who has to bow out of parties instead of starting them, I spend my days with my nose in a book. I'm never well rested anymore, and it's never due to a true hell week, but only to a hellish week. I'm lucky if theatre can squeeze into my schedule, much less let it dominate. I live in my theatre sweatshirt from high school instead of the theatre itself. My best friend of over a decade whose lives we knew inside and out...I'm lucky if she even talks to me anymore. I used to rarely be without a love interest if not a definite boyfriend, now I've been single almost 2 years, ever confused about what I want, and no longer confining myself to guys or relationships, it seems. I'm more into my religion than I've ever been, I go to mass every week all by myself, singing and playing in choir. I spend all my time with girls talking about almost nothing...at least it seems to be almost nothing of any depth.
It's exciting knowing where I'm going, but I can't figure out if it's the right direction, especially because it was such a 180. I went to see the musical Company at Emmanuel tonight. After a great show, the last of their season, so many members of the company were crying because the seniors are about to graduate and their theatre life at Emmanuel is over. I miss that a hell of a lot. Not the sobbing because that's sad, but the reason for it is what I miss. I miss the family I had (however incestuous it may have been, haha). This is why I keep questioning myself. Nursing doesn't give me that warm, fuzzy feeling that theatre does. I'm not even talking about the one you feel when you bow to a standing ovation. I'm talking about the feeling you get at the end of the night when the adrenaline can stop pumping and you know all that hard work and sacrifice, all those long nights and weekends of hell...it was worth it because you've developed into a little family that always works their asses off for each other. It was my safety net, I guess.
I keep questioning my career choice. I don't want to change because it's such a great choice (good money, good will...). I find it so interesting, but I don't know if my heart's in it. My heart is stuck in music and theatre. I always said, I can get the career I'm good at and be not-so-talented in the things I love. But I don't have time for the things I love with nursing.