Its been a While...no?
Well I dunno. got some shit on my mind.
First off I'd like to announce I found something. Something really important to me. I found the Now-n-later.
yes the peice of fucking candy if you dont know.
Anywho, it has meaning. When i was stayin with Michelle and hte kids and mary this summer. I went to adriannas and she gave it to me. and told me i had to wait till 'way later' to eat it. Well lifes startin to pick up for us, then it drops off again etc etc, so its not way later yet...cant eat that bitch...you best believe one day ima be fucking HAPPY and shes gonna be happy...life WILL be good one dya. and i will pull out that old ass crusty ass now n later...
n well you get it.
Anywho. I miss my babies. I miss them so fucking ungodly bad I cry a lot of the nights thinking about em. I cry thinking about them, my fucking family. everything thats just going on. Being alone all the time gives me time to think about shit.
On easter, my favorite day of the year. I spent it alone. in the house i used to spend it in every year, making it my favorite day. I just. I hate them so bad for doing the things they have done to me. I hate them so fucking BAD for it all. and yet, I love them so much for it. All the drama, all the drinking, all the fights, all the everything...making ME who i am today. and you know what.
I love me. I always said I'm my own idol. I am my own inspiration. another reason why I dont like depressed ass people fucking NOONE knows what I've been through not a god damned person. Adrianna is prolly the closet person to knowning anything about me...the real me...my past, everything. but even she doenst...know. ya know?
like shes heard the stories, shes sat up while i balled my eyes out on more than one occasion. I've been fucking drug through hell and back. and i mean still. I have hope for everything there is not a damn thing in this world you can tell me I cant do. at least nothing i wont try before I finally go yep...cant do it (lol) i'm pesistant, i'm full of love, full of hate, full of life... i say it every dya becaue i need reminding every day
I love me.
I just hate everyone else.
You know, a few months ago, i was in Bluffton With Adrianna. and we were at Aaron and Kelli's house. and Rat boy was over there..god I dont know that kids name, but I know in high school i used to call him rat boy, him and chad queen and someone else was there...AH YES Alex lAMBERT heh all THREE of em i used to fuck with hardcore.
fuckin none of em reconized me sept for Alex finally said something and then later Rat told me how much of a self esteem problem he had in high school cuzza me. I said well...i'm sorry if it means anything. and he said well its ok cuz i always knew you must have had some major self esteem issues at the time... i laughed my ass off right in his face. I told him. I do NOT have a problem with me...whatsoever
and adrianna agreed she said 'i know it sounds fucked up..but she doesnt'
man, i hate gettin like this. thinking of everything old...growin up out here, being a teenager in ohio, the things i've done in the last 20 years most people never do their whole lives. and I dont know if those people are lucky for that...or are missing out.
Anywho yeah i'm out just hadda write some shit out for i went nuts lol
CROOKED DUCES, HOLLA AT YA BOY, REPRESENT BEEEEEEEEEAN TOWN TO THE MOTHA FUCKIN FULLEST!
First off I'd like to announce I found something. Something really important to me. I found the Now-n-later.
yes the peice of fucking candy if you dont know.
Anywho, it has meaning. When i was stayin with Michelle and hte kids and mary this summer. I went to adriannas and she gave it to me. and told me i had to wait till 'way later' to eat it. Well lifes startin to pick up for us, then it drops off again etc etc, so its not way later yet...cant eat that bitch...you best believe one day ima be fucking HAPPY and shes gonna be happy...life WILL be good one dya. and i will pull out that old ass crusty ass now n later...
n well you get it.
Anywho. I miss my babies. I miss them so fucking ungodly bad I cry a lot of the nights thinking about em. I cry thinking about them, my fucking family. everything thats just going on. Being alone all the time gives me time to think about shit.
On easter, my favorite day of the year. I spent it alone. in the house i used to spend it in every year, making it my favorite day. I just. I hate them so bad for doing the things they have done to me. I hate them so fucking BAD for it all. and yet, I love them so much for it. All the drama, all the drinking, all the fights, all the everything...making ME who i am today. and you know what.
I love me. I always said I'm my own idol. I am my own inspiration. another reason why I dont like depressed ass people fucking NOONE knows what I've been through not a god damned person. Adrianna is prolly the closet person to knowning anything about me...the real me...my past, everything. but even she doenst...know. ya know?
like shes heard the stories, shes sat up while i balled my eyes out on more than one occasion. I've been fucking drug through hell and back. and i mean still. I have hope for everything there is not a damn thing in this world you can tell me I cant do. at least nothing i wont try before I finally go yep...cant do it (lol) i'm pesistant, i'm full of love, full of hate, full of life... i say it every dya becaue i need reminding every day
I love me.
I just hate everyone else.
You know, a few months ago, i was in Bluffton With Adrianna. and we were at Aaron and Kelli's house. and Rat boy was over there..god I dont know that kids name, but I know in high school i used to call him rat boy, him and chad queen and someone else was there...AH YES Alex lAMBERT heh all THREE of em i used to fuck with hardcore.
fuckin none of em reconized me sept for Alex finally said something and then later Rat told me how much of a self esteem problem he had in high school cuzza me. I said well...i'm sorry if it means anything. and he said well its ok cuz i always knew you must have had some major self esteem issues at the time... i laughed my ass off right in his face. I told him. I do NOT have a problem with me...whatsoever
and adrianna agreed she said 'i know it sounds fucked up..but she doesnt'
man, i hate gettin like this. thinking of everything old...growin up out here, being a teenager in ohio, the things i've done in the last 20 years most people never do their whole lives. and I dont know if those people are lucky for that...or are missing out.
Anywho yeah i'm out just hadda write some shit out for i went nuts lol
CROOKED DUCES, HOLLA AT YA BOY, REPRESENT BEEEEEEEEEAN TOWN TO THE MOTHA FUCKIN FULLEST!