I'm awake
Its almost noon, I just woke up. Bla. I hafta hafta get harvey to take me to get an ID today. If I dont. then I'm fucked fucked fucked. Not to mention the fact the state of michigan are just a bunch of fucking cock monglers and they have NEVER given me an ID...*whimpers* If I dont get an id, i'm as good as fucked out of this job...and i can NOT let that happen.
My phone wont stop ringing. hey, if you want to stay on my good side, a word to the wise, dont call my house until its fucking dark out. bad things may happen.
So my heat went off again. fuckin cold. no heat = me not cleaning my house.
hey, I was givin 200 dollars a few days ago, and i'll be damned if it isnt mostly gone...and I'm NOT joking. fuck man.
I'm having some serioius issues latley, dealing with shit in my head. my fucking babies I cant get a hold of Michelle, I cant get a hold of my fucking babies. I'm going insane.
My mind keeps wondering to like shitty times in my life, I cant get rid of my thoughts. Josh. That keeps popping in there. YOu know I have no shame in that. Yes I used to get beaten and raped by my boyfriend. My fault. But I keep having flashbacks wtf is that about? dude waking up in a cold sweat today, I sware to god, I felt my head bleeding, I felt like I was laying on the bathroom floor all over again.
I seriously think I'm going insane. :( Honestly I've been in this great great mood latley and thats only because I've been thinking about Jadyn, he truly is my sunshine.
Some other thoughts that have been running through my head, like how I always fuck things up. I think thats what it is why i keep thinking about the whole josh thing. I know I'm going to end up doing something stupid, call him too much, or end up loosing interest all together, or just fucking get scared and flip the script and like be this huge mean ass when I do get to see him.
I know Billie is sick of hearing about it. Shit shes even sick of seeing me smile all the damn time. I cant help it.
I'm just so scared. Scared that the bottom is going to fall out of this. I seriously dont think I could deal with that. If he ever like hurt me. I really dont think I could.
I think I'm going to start writing again. I have a million stories i want to start. I think it will help me deal with shit too. Get all these old memories supressed again.
Crooked Dueces.
My phone wont stop ringing. hey, if you want to stay on my good side, a word to the wise, dont call my house until its fucking dark out. bad things may happen.
So my heat went off again. fuckin cold. no heat = me not cleaning my house.
hey, I was givin 200 dollars a few days ago, and i'll be damned if it isnt mostly gone...and I'm NOT joking. fuck man.
I'm having some serioius issues latley, dealing with shit in my head. my fucking babies I cant get a hold of Michelle, I cant get a hold of my fucking babies. I'm going insane.
My mind keeps wondering to like shitty times in my life, I cant get rid of my thoughts. Josh. That keeps popping in there. YOu know I have no shame in that. Yes I used to get beaten and raped by my boyfriend. My fault. But I keep having flashbacks wtf is that about? dude waking up in a cold sweat today, I sware to god, I felt my head bleeding, I felt like I was laying on the bathroom floor all over again.
I seriously think I'm going insane. :( Honestly I've been in this great great mood latley and thats only because I've been thinking about Jadyn, he truly is my sunshine.
Some other thoughts that have been running through my head, like how I always fuck things up. I think thats what it is why i keep thinking about the whole josh thing. I know I'm going to end up doing something stupid, call him too much, or end up loosing interest all together, or just fucking get scared and flip the script and like be this huge mean ass when I do get to see him.
I know Billie is sick of hearing about it. Shit shes even sick of seeing me smile all the damn time. I cant help it.
I'm just so scared. Scared that the bottom is going to fall out of this. I seriously dont think I could deal with that. If he ever like hurt me. I really dont think I could.
I think I'm going to start writing again. I have a million stories i want to start. I think it will help me deal with shit too. Get all these old memories supressed again.
Crooked Dueces.