(no subject)
I'm bored. And my computer is running very slow. So I thought I'd post something. It's actually kinda depressing - I have FB, succumbed to twatter, and I've got a LJ. And on none of them does anyone really care what I have to say. Yet I still feel liking using these places like my life's stage with a full audience. I think that's the saddest bit. That I can't accept no one really gives a damn so I need to pretend that typing something here or there is actually worth doing.
Maybe it's the isolation. I'm stuck in a backwater town with no entertainment, a tiny group of friends that have their own things, no car so I'm really stuck. The internet is my reality. It is my go-to place I guess. I live here now more than I have in a long time. Maybe it's taking over my life. Maybe my addiction is a problem. But until RL offers me something better I'm happy here. I have things to do, people to talk to, places to visit.
But don't I have a PhD to do? Sure. Luckily a lot of my work is done on the computer anyway so it's easy enough to have firefox open too :D However, my PhD is not inspiring me. My internet world is so much more fun, more interesting. Have I picked the wrong thesis topic? Has the loneliness and isolation gotten to me? Am I just over it all?
Some days I think wow I'm bored. I need to do something. I need to stop staring at these white walls. I need people to talk to. Who can I talk to? Where can I go? I could slit my wrists, I think. That would be something different. I'd have to go to the hospital. There are people in the hospital. They would talk to me.
But that's just crazy talk. Right?
Maybe it's the isolation. I'm stuck in a backwater town with no entertainment, a tiny group of friends that have their own things, no car so I'm really stuck. The internet is my reality. It is my go-to place I guess. I live here now more than I have in a long time. Maybe it's taking over my life. Maybe my addiction is a problem. But until RL offers me something better I'm happy here. I have things to do, people to talk to, places to visit.
But don't I have a PhD to do? Sure. Luckily a lot of my work is done on the computer anyway so it's easy enough to have firefox open too :D However, my PhD is not inspiring me. My internet world is so much more fun, more interesting. Have I picked the wrong thesis topic? Has the loneliness and isolation gotten to me? Am I just over it all?
Some days I think wow I'm bored. I need to do something. I need to stop staring at these white walls. I need people to talk to. Who can I talk to? Where can I go? I could slit my wrists, I think. That would be something different. I'd have to go to the hospital. There are people in the hospital. They would talk to me.
But that's just crazy talk. Right?