nowhere birds are calling, slower waves are stalling.
i had a delirious week of sex, love, mad texting, fun, food, drink and smoking with a lovely new man i thought i had a lot of potential with.
this week is stranger. distance, second-guessing, awkwardness, conflict, some ex issues on his side, and other obligations, makes me feel like the whole thing has turned to dust in my mouth. the mad intimacy i felt with him seems to have evaporated. i don't know if he's changed his mind, whether he is just a person with issues as are we all, whether we moved too fast and just need to chill out, or whether i'm just crazy and reading too much into it all. probably he's just dealing with some of his own stuff on his own. i just don't feel... like he's present, any more.
the second week is too early for me to be feeling heartbroken. that and he's moving to montreal in april. i feel like maybe i should just break it off now and save myself the trouble. i haven't met anybody i liked for so long. i'm gonna see how things go for now. but for fuck's sake. i mean, really.
i understand that people have more in their lives than texting, or sex, or crazy new relationships. and it's not like he's not trying at all. i just... i feel like i'm going to get treated like michael treated me. perhaps i make myself too available. i just don't want to believe that every relationship has to boil down to that push-and-pull, playing withholding games to make them crazy about you. i can't live like that and i won't.
i finished a really gorgeous scarf. i had a lovely birthday and saw lots of friends. i'm procrastinating about school. i don't know. fuck.
i feel better about a bad situation i had with a different boy. ugh. what is wrong with me that my romantic life is a series of crushes that don't go right?
arcade fire was rad. i am going to be the subject for a pinup/steampunk photo shoot soon. and i'm going to host an open mic at salt spring and play flute on red cedar's next album. and sufjan is coming up. and there's so much wonderful music in the world. so there's good stuff.
i was actually feeling really good. then i met somebody. now i feel bad. isn't that always how it goes? ugggggghhhhhhhhhhh.
this week is stranger. distance, second-guessing, awkwardness, conflict, some ex issues on his side, and other obligations, makes me feel like the whole thing has turned to dust in my mouth. the mad intimacy i felt with him seems to have evaporated. i don't know if he's changed his mind, whether he is just a person with issues as are we all, whether we moved too fast and just need to chill out, or whether i'm just crazy and reading too much into it all. probably he's just dealing with some of his own stuff on his own. i just don't feel... like he's present, any more.
the second week is too early for me to be feeling heartbroken. that and he's moving to montreal in april. i feel like maybe i should just break it off now and save myself the trouble. i haven't met anybody i liked for so long. i'm gonna see how things go for now. but for fuck's sake. i mean, really.
i understand that people have more in their lives than texting, or sex, or crazy new relationships. and it's not like he's not trying at all. i just... i feel like i'm going to get treated like michael treated me. perhaps i make myself too available. i just don't want to believe that every relationship has to boil down to that push-and-pull, playing withholding games to make them crazy about you. i can't live like that and i won't.
i finished a really gorgeous scarf. i had a lovely birthday and saw lots of friends. i'm procrastinating about school. i don't know. fuck.
i feel better about a bad situation i had with a different boy. ugh. what is wrong with me that my romantic life is a series of crushes that don't go right?
arcade fire was rad. i am going to be the subject for a pinup/steampunk photo shoot soon. and i'm going to host an open mic at salt spring and play flute on red cedar's next album. and sufjan is coming up. and there's so much wonderful music in the world. so there's good stuff.
i was actually feeling really good. then i met somebody. now i feel bad. isn't that always how it goes? ugggggghhhhhhhhhhh.