i'll do anything you want, but i won't be your glass figurine.
drank: homemade ginger beer mojito with havana club anejo and garden spearmint BOOSH.
i got better. thank god. it's a mystery why they happened but my hives went away.
things seemed to upswing really quickly for me after that. maybe it's just that i feel a lot more grateful for all the awesome things and the abilities i have to enjoy my life. it was definitely a bit of a reality check to remain grateful, and to work on my health. i quit smoking and i've been biking more. eating a little better, but no lies, i still love to eat out and eat stuff that's bad for me... i try to make sure that the bad for me is still high quality... i have vices like organic chocolate, extra aged cheddar cheese, goat brie, roasted garlic spread, baked kettle chips, ginger beer... i'm not going to pretend that any of those things are any good for me, but i do think it's preferable to overprocessed foods that are really high in corn syrup, fructose, extra salt... anyway.
i've been biking a lot and trying to hoop more. i have a musical project on the go. i've leveled up a little in cuteness - i've started wearing my clothes in a different way, higher waistlines, more pencil skirts, cut back on excessive accessorization. i've stopped pretending my appearance doesn't matter to me, it obviously does. i retain my feminist principles but i enjoy fashion, i enjoy attractiveness, and i have a very libran love of interesting and well-made clothes... it's nice to live up to it. it was such a blow to be covered in essentially a giant, scary rash. things are different in spring and summer than they are in winter, but i hardly ever even pause to feel bad about myself ever... i just don't care enough about anyone else's negativity to let it affect me, and i like how i look, so it's only others' opinions that ever bring me down.
things got better and then got worse with the dude i was hooking up with. after some serious and fruitless effort to try and get him into my bed after i'd gotten well, i've decided that i'm done with that situation - perhaps that decision had already been made for me, but i suspect he'll eventually try again once i show disinterest for a while. however, i'm not interested in a fuck buddy that i have no emotional attachment to making me feel bad about myself. that's kind of... not the point.
i've come to a place that i struggled to find for a long time in my life, and that is a general peace with being single and apathy about attempting dating. i deleted my okcupid account. i love men, love sex, would love to meet someone amazing, but i feel like looking for it is counter-productive. it's strange, i still feel that spot where i miss someone i don't yet know, but it's not urgent, or painful. i really like my life right now. i think of how fucked my well-being got when i was trying to date michael and i'm not interested in attempting to make someone mine who doesn't want to be, or who is interested in using me for some way.
also, i have really awesome friends, and i'm really reconnecting with my roommate/old friend, which is super rad.
i'm planning some camping trips this summer instead of going partying or raving at any festivals. i'm really, really happy about this. i'd like to do a road trip to portland and/or tucson (to visit a friend who's moving there temporarily for work) in the fall. i'm going home for a week and a bit mid-august and fervently hoping to get to haida gwaii.
i recently realized i have feelings for a friend. not overpowering feelings or even really a full-on crush. just, holy shit, maybe we're kinda perfect for each other. circumstances aren't really right and i'm not comfortable pursuing it, but it's nice to know i still have that ability to get a little sparkly-eyed over the idea of romance. the way that post-split, michael cut me out of his life after i decided not to keep sleeping with him really hurt and angered me - he did it in a really bad way - and i still have a lot of unresolved bad feelings towards him. i'm trying to let go, but it's difficult. the only thing that helps is feeding a superiority complex, and i don't think that's much healthier, but preferable to feeling unnecessary.
had some really good family times in the last couple weeks. my mom, dad and stepmom really came through for me when i was super unhappy and sick, and there was a lot of visiting with my extended family and mum when she was here last weekend. i'm really grateful they're all rad, happy, and seriously intelligent, critically thinking people.
so, yeah!
i got better. thank god. it's a mystery why they happened but my hives went away.
things seemed to upswing really quickly for me after that. maybe it's just that i feel a lot more grateful for all the awesome things and the abilities i have to enjoy my life. it was definitely a bit of a reality check to remain grateful, and to work on my health. i quit smoking and i've been biking more. eating a little better, but no lies, i still love to eat out and eat stuff that's bad for me... i try to make sure that the bad for me is still high quality... i have vices like organic chocolate, extra aged cheddar cheese, goat brie, roasted garlic spread, baked kettle chips, ginger beer... i'm not going to pretend that any of those things are any good for me, but i do think it's preferable to overprocessed foods that are really high in corn syrup, fructose, extra salt... anyway.
i've been biking a lot and trying to hoop more. i have a musical project on the go. i've leveled up a little in cuteness - i've started wearing my clothes in a different way, higher waistlines, more pencil skirts, cut back on excessive accessorization. i've stopped pretending my appearance doesn't matter to me, it obviously does. i retain my feminist principles but i enjoy fashion, i enjoy attractiveness, and i have a very libran love of interesting and well-made clothes... it's nice to live up to it. it was such a blow to be covered in essentially a giant, scary rash. things are different in spring and summer than they are in winter, but i hardly ever even pause to feel bad about myself ever... i just don't care enough about anyone else's negativity to let it affect me, and i like how i look, so it's only others' opinions that ever bring me down.
things got better and then got worse with the dude i was hooking up with. after some serious and fruitless effort to try and get him into my bed after i'd gotten well, i've decided that i'm done with that situation - perhaps that decision had already been made for me, but i suspect he'll eventually try again once i show disinterest for a while. however, i'm not interested in a fuck buddy that i have no emotional attachment to making me feel bad about myself. that's kind of... not the point.
i've come to a place that i struggled to find for a long time in my life, and that is a general peace with being single and apathy about attempting dating. i deleted my okcupid account. i love men, love sex, would love to meet someone amazing, but i feel like looking for it is counter-productive. it's strange, i still feel that spot where i miss someone i don't yet know, but it's not urgent, or painful. i really like my life right now. i think of how fucked my well-being got when i was trying to date michael and i'm not interested in attempting to make someone mine who doesn't want to be, or who is interested in using me for some way.
also, i have really awesome friends, and i'm really reconnecting with my roommate/old friend, which is super rad.
i'm planning some camping trips this summer instead of going partying or raving at any festivals. i'm really, really happy about this. i'd like to do a road trip to portland and/or tucson (to visit a friend who's moving there temporarily for work) in the fall. i'm going home for a week and a bit mid-august and fervently hoping to get to haida gwaii.
i recently realized i have feelings for a friend. not overpowering feelings or even really a full-on crush. just, holy shit, maybe we're kinda perfect for each other. circumstances aren't really right and i'm not comfortable pursuing it, but it's nice to know i still have that ability to get a little sparkly-eyed over the idea of romance. the way that post-split, michael cut me out of his life after i decided not to keep sleeping with him really hurt and angered me - he did it in a really bad way - and i still have a lot of unresolved bad feelings towards him. i'm trying to let go, but it's difficult. the only thing that helps is feeding a superiority complex, and i don't think that's much healthier, but preferable to feeling unnecessary.
had some really good family times in the last couple weeks. my mom, dad and stepmom really came through for me when i was super unhappy and sick, and there was a lot of visiting with my extended family and mum when she was here last weekend. i'm really grateful they're all rad, happy, and seriously intelligent, critically thinking people.
so, yeah!