Re-crafting a life
I think about that sometimes... starting over, you know? I've done it so many times - beginning with leaving my first job (teaching) and breaking up with, I'd like to believe, my real first love. Moving myself 4 cities north. Then realizing I needed to be in another country. Started over there, gained a whole new perspective. And came back home with a brand new attitude.
It's been almost a decade since that first big decision, and a lot of those little things I had set out to do have been done. Just one HUGE project that stands in my way of putting a check mark on it. The rest are tiny things I slowly chip away at. I'm a late bloomer through and through. There's just no way to speed me up if I'm dead-set on learning things my way. I am also one of those who is comfortable with the discomfort of not knowing, because I don't make decisions if I haven't thought things out through and through (for the most part, at least). So sometimes, I take forever. But I'd rather have a sure answer than a wishy-washy one.
The thing about getting older, is that its fabulous. Really, it is. There are always new things to look forward to (or dread, if you have that perspective) ... some of it hard, a lot of it painful, and most of it amazing. While I do have my faith to thank, which is what keeps me grounded (and thank goodness), I also know enough that the list is never done and the challenges never go away.
Now that I'm here, at this age, and where I currently stand, I know its not the ideal for many other folks out there. That's fine. While talking to my boyfriend about what we were like in high school, I realized I was never comfortable with fitting in and being like everyone else. I told him about how in nursery school, at 3 years old, my teacher thought I was deaf and mute because I never spoke a word but somehow did everything she asked correctly. It would be my mother to tell her that I was the quiet one who only spoke when she had something to say, or when it was necessary to speak. Therefore, being an obedient child, I barely spoke.
I just have to be who I am. I realize that includes not knowing age appropriate-ness for certain things, and to a large degree, not really caring. I'll still be in a hip hop class when I'm 40, you know? I'll still want to hang upside down and chase raccoons into dark alleys with a flashlight. This is probably also why I am quite easily misunderstood, and to some extent, judged. But trust me, in being determined to stay true to myself, I do my utmost best not to impose that on someone else. Live and let be, and I am comfortable with it. I'm comfortable with the way most people are, because I am comfortable with myself. That's my best explanation for it.
So this thing called evolution, or as Madonna has it made so easy to understand, "reinventing" yourself: I am quite a big fan of it. I think the more in tune you are with your core, your spirit and your heart, are you able to become whoever you want to be and move on to be someone else. Try new things, venture off on new adventures, change and ultimately, stay the same.
There are many decisions I have to make that will affect me long-term. Most of them, I'm excited to get started on. A few of them... well, I'm keeping an open mind.
In the business of starting over and reinvention, the only thing you really have to remember is that no matter how far you go, and how different things get, it will always be alright. Keep your head above water, keep learning new things, and pursue positivity. it will always be alright. More than alright, in fact. It will be fabulous.
I'm changing. And thank God.
It's been almost a decade since that first big decision, and a lot of those little things I had set out to do have been done. Just one HUGE project that stands in my way of putting a check mark on it. The rest are tiny things I slowly chip away at. I'm a late bloomer through and through. There's just no way to speed me up if I'm dead-set on learning things my way. I am also one of those who is comfortable with the discomfort of not knowing, because I don't make decisions if I haven't thought things out through and through (for the most part, at least). So sometimes, I take forever. But I'd rather have a sure answer than a wishy-washy one.
The thing about getting older, is that its fabulous. Really, it is. There are always new things to look forward to (or dread, if you have that perspective) ... some of it hard, a lot of it painful, and most of it amazing. While I do have my faith to thank, which is what keeps me grounded (and thank goodness), I also know enough that the list is never done and the challenges never go away.
Now that I'm here, at this age, and where I currently stand, I know its not the ideal for many other folks out there. That's fine. While talking to my boyfriend about what we were like in high school, I realized I was never comfortable with fitting in and being like everyone else. I told him about how in nursery school, at 3 years old, my teacher thought I was deaf and mute because I never spoke a word but somehow did everything she asked correctly. It would be my mother to tell her that I was the quiet one who only spoke when she had something to say, or when it was necessary to speak. Therefore, being an obedient child, I barely spoke.
I just have to be who I am. I realize that includes not knowing age appropriate-ness for certain things, and to a large degree, not really caring. I'll still be in a hip hop class when I'm 40, you know? I'll still want to hang upside down and chase raccoons into dark alleys with a flashlight. This is probably also why I am quite easily misunderstood, and to some extent, judged. But trust me, in being determined to stay true to myself, I do my utmost best not to impose that on someone else. Live and let be, and I am comfortable with it. I'm comfortable with the way most people are, because I am comfortable with myself. That's my best explanation for it.
So this thing called evolution, or as Madonna has it made so easy to understand, "reinventing" yourself: I am quite a big fan of it. I think the more in tune you are with your core, your spirit and your heart, are you able to become whoever you want to be and move on to be someone else. Try new things, venture off on new adventures, change and ultimately, stay the same.
There are many decisions I have to make that will affect me long-term. Most of them, I'm excited to get started on. A few of them... well, I'm keeping an open mind.
In the business of starting over and reinvention, the only thing you really have to remember is that no matter how far you go, and how different things get, it will always be alright. Keep your head above water, keep learning new things, and pursue positivity. it will always be alright. More than alright, in fact. It will be fabulous.
I'm changing. And thank God.