Jetlag and found objects
530 am was what it said on the clock when I went to bed. And it said 630 pm when I awoke. Gee. Partly the reason for that is also that I was chatting with Manila. Something I need to disconnect from by Friday because I plan to be in the city and get to Haight and Ashbury and then head to Market to take photos of the Flood Building.
Why the Flood Building? Ah. For many reasons but mostly that it played a hand in my coming back in 2007, to find myself going to school in the building directly across it. And thus beginning my downward spiral into Loving San Francisco for life. Call it a 12 year obsession now.
It is a comfort to realize that I have a good number of friends and family out here. I was thinking you see, that when I get back to the States I wouldn't feel as strongly as I used to when I first left heavy hearted. I was open to the idea that I wouldn't feel the same anymore. Its like when you love a boy you can't be with, and then you don't see him for a while, so you kind of don't expect to still like him years later, right?
In this case, I am wrong. I have this ACHE to stay here for good, the kind that I haven't been able to shake. I understand better now, why I love this city so much. It is in the air, the aesthetic, and the possibilities. It is also in the anonymity and the opportunity to do anything I want or need without having to worry about stature or measuring up.
Not that I want to be mediocre or slack off. Its just that I could do a Borders job, or a data entry job and be done with it. And I dont mean that in a condescending way. But do you know what I mean?
That aside, as I said I have yet to go to the city. I like that I am doing this slowly. I feel that if i had insisted on going right away I would have overloaded my senses. I am still remembering how life is simple for me here. I wake up, do things, see people, go home, go to bed. Lather, rinse, repeat. Unlike Manila where it is fairly common for me to wake up, leave, go home, sleep, wake up, see people, do things, and sleep somewhere else.
As I walked down the lone hallway of my friend's house, I do understand why people get so lonely in America. The quiet, the cold, it can drive you crazy. For me it is solace. Will I ever be able to live in this country for good? Only the Lord knows, but given the chance, and a real enough reason to, you must know by now what I would choose.
Good night. More tomorrow.
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I used to collect Christmas ornaments. One for each year I spent Christmas alone. I stopped doing that in 2007 I think. But at Crate and Barrel (I'm a consumer, so sue me haha) I found this little 4 inch wire Christmas tree that was calling out to me from a barrel of little 4 inch wire Christmas trees. I had to get one, I just had to.
That purchase is quite a significant one because I think I'm ready to believe in love again. Think I have been for a while now. That's a good thing, yes?