The Point System
As I said previously, here is an updated list of my criteria for dating Material.
However, I decided to make this somewhat more acessible; so I've devised a point system. If you score negatively, you are rejected, 100 to 1000 is acceptable- more than that, or course, is great.
1. Must have the ability to banter in a witty fashion
(If Not, -5000)
2. Greatly versatile sense of humour (for example "butt"... if that made you giggle, you're halfway there- the next half is laughing at this gem "An illicit minor in my AAA1 form? That's a syllo-'jism'!")
(If You laughed at the word but, +5 points, if you laughed at the second comment, +25)
3. You must be able to jusitfy your philosophy on life, or why you don't have one
(If Not, -3000)
4. Must enjoy a good arguement
(If So, +1; If Not, -1200)
5. Must have good movie/music taste
(For example: If you like Stanley Kubrick, +10; If you American Beauty is on your top 10, +7; If You Can Name 3 Orson Wells Movies +5, if you've watched them +10; If you hate or have never seen Star Wars (Original), -45)
6. You absolutely must stick to your guns when challenged, being more stubborn then open minded- if someone is going to change your mind, they better have damn good reason to do so; being opionated is just another way of saying you have confidence in yourself and your thoughts
(If so, +70; If you don't like to argue, see above; If you fold like a lawn chair when challenged -1500)
7. You must like dogs (loving dogs is a plus, but only loving stupid types of dogs- a.k.a. poodles and most all toy dogs- is a big minus)
(If you love Dogs, +15; If you only love stupid dogs (poodles, toy dogs), -25)
8. You must have an IQ that is above average, unless you have other mental abilities that can make up for that (great wisdom, ability to remember where you parked in a crowded lot, telekensis, etc.)
(If above 120, +5; If above 135 +10 [not cumulative])
9. Must have at least a passing knowledge of Ancient Greek Civilization (this can be subsituted for an excellent knowledge of Greek Mythology)
(If you know who Alysibiaties is, +10; If you can name the woman Zeus raped while in cloud form, +10)
10. You must be well read, or at least willing to read a book that comes highly recommended from a reputable source (and that doesn't mean Opera's Book club, it means me... or the Economist)
(For Example, If you have read 4 books by C.S. Lewis, +10; If you have read a book by Samuel P. Huntington, +5; if you enjoy novels by Jane Austin, -10)
11. You must like to some degree baseball, hockey, and football... liking tennis, soccer, fencing- also a plus
(+10, +10, +8, +7, +5, +5, respectively)
12. You have to be in someway musical- singers are greatly preferred over non-singers, but if you suck and think you are a singer, then I'd rather shoot you then date you.
(If you regularly receive accolades or applause when you sing, +15; If people go out of their way not to hear you sing, -75)
13. You must weigh less then 159 pounds... sorry, if that sounds harsh- but its more of a physics thing then anything else, if you know what I mean. I don't want to be with someone I can't bench press, for security reasons.
(Add -1 for every pound over 159 you are from 160-169, after that add -5 for every pound over)
14. You must be between 4'9''- 5'11'', once again, this is for physics, but also... if for some odd reason a chick calls me "daddy" in public, I don't want to think that there is a possibility that it's true... god damn midgets.
(-5 for every inch below or above the height measurements)
15. Jazz, you must like Jazz. Not Kenny G easy listening bullshit- that you must despise; but real jazz- Davis, Adderly, the Seatbelts- you must like it, or you really have no soul.
(If you enjoy Miles Davis, Revolutionary Snake Ensemble, the Seatbelts, +10; If you for some reason actually Like Kenny G, -80)
16. You must have graduated highschool. First off, I'm not into minors, nor will I ever be- there should be grass on the field if you play the game... unless of course its been mowed... but I digress again- Second off, if you're 27 and didn't get your diploma- with the possible exception of a famously hot actress/song writer- I'd rather not get involved. If I had to read a Seperate Peace, by fuck you should have to endoor it aswell.
(No diploma, -2000, exceptions will be given on a case by case basis to famously hot actresses/song writers)
17. Its highly prefferably if you can count the people you've slept with on one hand, and not use your thumb. And I really don't want to debate this issue- this is a personal opinion.
(For every finger you have to use past the first -7; If you have to use more than 2 hands, -10 for each person after the original ten)
18. Jimmy Carter was a horrible president
That's not really relevant, but it had to be said
(If you disagree, -45)
19. This could be called number 17 part b, but no Clerk's Vanessa syndrome (and if you don't get that reference, it's a shame, though it won't bar you from passing). For all those who don't understand that term, even if you've only slept with 3 guys, but you've given out head like you were Rita's Water Ice on the First Day of Spring (37!!!), then you won't be considered. The thought of kissing someone whose mouth has had more Dick in it then Mrs. Tracy is just revolting.
(If you missed the reference, -5; if you've given to 10, -15; 20, -25; over 20, -35)
20. Must be creative
(If you've written a song or story, +10; poems, +5; If they suck, -15, -10, respectively)
21. Must have knowledge of superheros that goes beyond the movies
(If you loved Ben Affleck in Daredevil, -10; If you wish nightly they'd make a Deadpool movie, +20)
22. Must enjoy Star Trek/Wars to some extent
(If you wonder what a wookie is, -20; If you ask your self why Tucker had to die, +5, If when you get mad, you yell "KHAAAAANNNN!!!" +15)
23. Must NOT be obsessed with Lifetime, in fact hating Lifetime is a gigantic plus
(If you love Lifetime, -65; If you love to hate Lifetime, +17)
24. No Mormons (one exception)
(If when you here "Macaroni" you don't think of a tasty meal, -30)
25. It would be stellar if you didn't do any type I/II drugs, ever- but, seeing as that's unlikely, no mutliple uses of type II drugs is requried- from there, no use is highly prefferable, and not smoking is alpha-numeric
(If you smoke, -5; If you smoke pot, -10; If you love you some Cocaine, -25)
26. Republicans definitely have the edge over democrats in this situation, like they do in every situation
(If you're a registered Democrat, -15; If you're a Liberal-tarian, -5)
27. Must be able to take it, as well as dish it out. Feel free to interpurt "it" as you will, unless you interpurt it as "physical violence," because that makes me sound disturbed, and that's not what I mean, stupid. But wrestling matches and major pillow fights are definitly big pluses.
(If the word "cunt" makes you want to burst into a diatribe about feminism, -50; If you ask me if something makes you look fat, and I respond that I it's funny that you're both fat and insecure and then you get offended, -10)
28. No atheists, I don't want to deal with someone who is not only illogical but also wrong
(If you will be incredibly suprised when you end up in hell, -80)
29. No anti-lifers, I don't want to deal with someone who is not only illogical but also wrong
(If you enjoy killing babies, -300)
30. No communists, ditto (exception: if you are a Russian or Eastern European girl with authentic accident... then we'll talk)
(If you're a dirt pinko commy, -30)
31. Must have Ambition
(If you've never thought about what you want in 10 years, -20; If you don't have a goal period, -50)
32. Must have a desire to travel
(If you could be content never to leave your town, -15; Content never to leave the country, -5)
33. Must Not be a Yankees/Red Wings/Rangers/Cowboys/Penguins Fan (Esp in that order)
(-40, -40, -40, -40, -35, respectively)
34. You must be a woman
(If not, Automatic Failure)
35. No Muhhamidities, I don't want to deal with someone who is not only illogical but also wrong
(Again, Automatic Failure)
36. You're hero can't be an alcoholic beverage
(If you have ever said your on a first name basis with Jack Daniels, -20)
37. You must have attempted at one time to play an instrument- whether you continue to play won't add a negative to your score, but still playing it will probably yield a plus
(No skill, -10; You still like to fiddle with that piccolo, +10)
38. Must have some philosophical inklings
(If "Plato" makes you think of the Republic instead of preschool, +10)
39. Must understand that video games are much more good than not good
(If you blame violence in the world on Halo, -25)
40. Must not like attempt to act black, unless they are black. If you are whiter than a blank word document and attempt address me as "bitch" then proceed to replace the "er's" of all your words with a's, I will find some woman who is larger than you, just so she can punch you right in the breast.
(If you like to use the word "holla" in everyday speech, -55)
41. Must know that Pepsi is better than Coke
(If you disagree, -5; If you are wondering why anyone would say Pepsi is better than cocaine, -20, again)
42. If you know the meaning of life, that is a amazingly improbable plus
(If you just are baffled by this, -10; if you understand, +10)
43. No bald chicks, unless you can pull it off in an incredibly amazing way that I've never seen in public
(If Patrick Stewart has more hair than you, -15)
44. Dancers Thighs... I don't know what it is, but my god: awesomeness.
(If so, +20)
45. Someone who hates a random inanimate object for no apparent or justifiable reason (Erasers, Damn you erasers! or something else...) I really don't know why but that is definitely cool).
(If you've ever put a jihad on the stapler, +15; [of course, you know if you are muslim, you fail anyway])
46. Must not be annerexic, I know this probably was addressed under the weight thing, but their is a possibilty someone has reallly heavy bones. In any case, I don't want to date a nihlist... well I don't want to date an annerix ni... Just no Annerexics.
(If you really need a sammich, -25)
47. Its one thing to be proud of your heritage, but to do it in an abtrusive fashion is FUCKING ANNOYING, not only will I not tolerate it I will invade that country as soon as I get the means.
(If you proceed to tell me how great the Irish are, -40, and I will remind you that you are speaking my langauge.)
48. Its a major major major plus if any arguement/fight/disagreement can be ended/forgiven by a simple touch. Or hours of sex. In fact the later is preferred but the former is still a huge plus.
(If you can do the former, +30; If you can do the later, +38; If you can do both, +70)
48. Women that use "former and latter" when describeing previously listed things, as in the aforemtnioned sectence. Also, women who use the word "aforementioned."
(+2 for each)
49. Must be a muppet fan... however if your favorite Muppet is Skeeter or Beaker, then i am very disapointed in you.
(+5, unless you just love "Meep, Meep" or the Gopher... then just +1)
50. Points if they realize that Daffy is superior to Bugs Bunny- also, if one is not a WB cartoon fan, that isn't going to help.
(Duck fans, +5; Don't like Warner Brothers shorts, -15)
51. Must be able to name 5 beatles songs
(If not, -15)
52. If you have two different coloured eyes, that is soooo freaking cool
(If So, +7)
53. Completed/are going for your Masters
(Knowledge is Power! +5)
54. Has to Like Poker
(If so, +7)
55. Cannot be Addicted to Gambling
(If so, -24)
56. Must Not Be a Morning Person, unless you Love making me breakfast
(If you rise with the sun, -10; If you make me pancakes, +20)
Yeah, that's It.
However, I decided to make this somewhat more acessible; so I've devised a point system. If you score negatively, you are rejected, 100 to 1000 is acceptable- more than that, or course, is great.
1. Must have the ability to banter in a witty fashion
(If Not, -5000)
2. Greatly versatile sense of humour (for example "butt"... if that made you giggle, you're halfway there- the next half is laughing at this gem "An illicit minor in my AAA1 form? That's a syllo-'jism'!")
(If You laughed at the word but, +5 points, if you laughed at the second comment, +25)
3. You must be able to jusitfy your philosophy on life, or why you don't have one
(If Not, -3000)
4. Must enjoy a good arguement
(If So, +1; If Not, -1200)
5. Must have good movie/music taste
(For example: If you like Stanley Kubrick, +10; If you American Beauty is on your top 10, +7; If You Can Name 3 Orson Wells Movies +5, if you've watched them +10; If you hate or have never seen Star Wars (Original), -45)
6. You absolutely must stick to your guns when challenged, being more stubborn then open minded- if someone is going to change your mind, they better have damn good reason to do so; being opionated is just another way of saying you have confidence in yourself and your thoughts
(If so, +70; If you don't like to argue, see above; If you fold like a lawn chair when challenged -1500)
7. You must like dogs (loving dogs is a plus, but only loving stupid types of dogs- a.k.a. poodles and most all toy dogs- is a big minus)
(If you love Dogs, +15; If you only love stupid dogs (poodles, toy dogs), -25)
8. You must have an IQ that is above average, unless you have other mental abilities that can make up for that (great wisdom, ability to remember where you parked in a crowded lot, telekensis, etc.)
(If above 120, +5; If above 135 +10 [not cumulative])
9. Must have at least a passing knowledge of Ancient Greek Civilization (this can be subsituted for an excellent knowledge of Greek Mythology)
(If you know who Alysibiaties is, +10; If you can name the woman Zeus raped while in cloud form, +10)
10. You must be well read, or at least willing to read a book that comes highly recommended from a reputable source (and that doesn't mean Opera's Book club, it means me... or the Economist)
(For Example, If you have read 4 books by C.S. Lewis, +10; If you have read a book by Samuel P. Huntington, +5; if you enjoy novels by Jane Austin, -10)
11. You must like to some degree baseball, hockey, and football... liking tennis, soccer, fencing- also a plus
(+10, +10, +8, +7, +5, +5, respectively)
12. You have to be in someway musical- singers are greatly preferred over non-singers, but if you suck and think you are a singer, then I'd rather shoot you then date you.
(If you regularly receive accolades or applause when you sing, +15; If people go out of their way not to hear you sing, -75)
13. You must weigh less then 159 pounds... sorry, if that sounds harsh- but its more of a physics thing then anything else, if you know what I mean. I don't want to be with someone I can't bench press, for security reasons.
(Add -1 for every pound over 159 you are from 160-169, after that add -5 for every pound over)
14. You must be between 4'9''- 5'11'', once again, this is for physics, but also... if for some odd reason a chick calls me "daddy" in public, I don't want to think that there is a possibility that it's true... god damn midgets.
(-5 for every inch below or above the height measurements)
15. Jazz, you must like Jazz. Not Kenny G easy listening bullshit- that you must despise; but real jazz- Davis, Adderly, the Seatbelts- you must like it, or you really have no soul.
(If you enjoy Miles Davis, Revolutionary Snake Ensemble, the Seatbelts, +10; If you for some reason actually Like Kenny G, -80)
16. You must have graduated highschool. First off, I'm not into minors, nor will I ever be- there should be grass on the field if you play the game... unless of course its been mowed... but I digress again- Second off, if you're 27 and didn't get your diploma- with the possible exception of a famously hot actress/song writer- I'd rather not get involved. If I had to read a Seperate Peace, by fuck you should have to endoor it aswell.
(No diploma, -2000, exceptions will be given on a case by case basis to famously hot actresses/song writers)
17. Its highly prefferably if you can count the people you've slept with on one hand, and not use your thumb. And I really don't want to debate this issue- this is a personal opinion.
(For every finger you have to use past the first -7; If you have to use more than 2 hands, -10 for each person after the original ten)
18. Jimmy Carter was a horrible president
That's not really relevant, but it had to be said
(If you disagree, -45)
19. This could be called number 17 part b, but no Clerk's Vanessa syndrome (and if you don't get that reference, it's a shame, though it won't bar you from passing). For all those who don't understand that term, even if you've only slept with 3 guys, but you've given out head like you were Rita's Water Ice on the First Day of Spring (37!!!), then you won't be considered. The thought of kissing someone whose mouth has had more Dick in it then Mrs. Tracy is just revolting.
(If you missed the reference, -5; if you've given to 10, -15; 20, -25; over 20, -35)
20. Must be creative
(If you've written a song or story, +10; poems, +5; If they suck, -15, -10, respectively)
21. Must have knowledge of superheros that goes beyond the movies
(If you loved Ben Affleck in Daredevil, -10; If you wish nightly they'd make a Deadpool movie, +20)
22. Must enjoy Star Trek/Wars to some extent
(If you wonder what a wookie is, -20; If you ask your self why Tucker had to die, +5, If when you get mad, you yell "KHAAAAANNNN!!!" +15)
23. Must NOT be obsessed with Lifetime, in fact hating Lifetime is a gigantic plus
(If you love Lifetime, -65; If you love to hate Lifetime, +17)
24. No Mormons (one exception)
(If when you here "Macaroni" you don't think of a tasty meal, -30)
25. It would be stellar if you didn't do any type I/II drugs, ever- but, seeing as that's unlikely, no mutliple uses of type II drugs is requried- from there, no use is highly prefferable, and not smoking is alpha-numeric
(If you smoke, -5; If you smoke pot, -10; If you love you some Cocaine, -25)
26. Republicans definitely have the edge over democrats in this situation, like they do in every situation
(If you're a registered Democrat, -15; If you're a Liberal-tarian, -5)
27. Must be able to take it, as well as dish it out. Feel free to interpurt "it" as you will, unless you interpurt it as "physical violence," because that makes me sound disturbed, and that's not what I mean, stupid. But wrestling matches and major pillow fights are definitly big pluses.
(If the word "cunt" makes you want to burst into a diatribe about feminism, -50; If you ask me if something makes you look fat, and I respond that I it's funny that you're both fat and insecure and then you get offended, -10)
28. No atheists, I don't want to deal with someone who is not only illogical but also wrong
(If you will be incredibly suprised when you end up in hell, -80)
29. No anti-lifers, I don't want to deal with someone who is not only illogical but also wrong
(If you enjoy killing babies, -300)
30. No communists, ditto (exception: if you are a Russian or Eastern European girl with authentic accident... then we'll talk)
(If you're a dirt pinko commy, -30)
31. Must have Ambition
(If you've never thought about what you want in 10 years, -20; If you don't have a goal period, -50)
32. Must have a desire to travel
(If you could be content never to leave your town, -15; Content never to leave the country, -5)
33. Must Not be a Yankees/Red Wings/Rangers/Cowboys/Penguins Fan (Esp in that order)
(-40, -40, -40, -40, -35, respectively)
34. You must be a woman
(If not, Automatic Failure)
35. No Muhhamidities, I don't want to deal with someone who is not only illogical but also wrong
(Again, Automatic Failure)
36. You're hero can't be an alcoholic beverage
(If you have ever said your on a first name basis with Jack Daniels, -20)
37. You must have attempted at one time to play an instrument- whether you continue to play won't add a negative to your score, but still playing it will probably yield a plus
(No skill, -10; You still like to fiddle with that piccolo, +10)
38. Must have some philosophical inklings
(If "Plato" makes you think of the Republic instead of preschool, +10)
39. Must understand that video games are much more good than not good
(If you blame violence in the world on Halo, -25)
40. Must not like attempt to act black, unless they are black. If you are whiter than a blank word document and attempt address me as "bitch" then proceed to replace the "er's" of all your words with a's, I will find some woman who is larger than you, just so she can punch you right in the breast.
(If you like to use the word "holla" in everyday speech, -55)
41. Must know that Pepsi is better than Coke
(If you disagree, -5; If you are wondering why anyone would say Pepsi is better than cocaine, -20, again)
42. If you know the meaning of life, that is a amazingly improbable plus
(If you just are baffled by this, -10; if you understand, +10)
43. No bald chicks, unless you can pull it off in an incredibly amazing way that I've never seen in public
(If Patrick Stewart has more hair than you, -15)
44. Dancers Thighs... I don't know what it is, but my god: awesomeness.
(If so, +20)
45. Someone who hates a random inanimate object for no apparent or justifiable reason (Erasers, Damn you erasers! or something else...) I really don't know why but that is definitely cool).
(If you've ever put a jihad on the stapler, +15; [of course, you know if you are muslim, you fail anyway])
46. Must not be annerexic, I know this probably was addressed under the weight thing, but their is a possibilty someone has reallly heavy bones. In any case, I don't want to date a nihlist... well I don't want to date an annerix ni... Just no Annerexics.
(If you really need a sammich, -25)
47. Its one thing to be proud of your heritage, but to do it in an abtrusive fashion is FUCKING ANNOYING, not only will I not tolerate it I will invade that country as soon as I get the means.
(If you proceed to tell me how great the Irish are, -40, and I will remind you that you are speaking my langauge.)
48. Its a major major major plus if any arguement/fight/disagreement can be ended/forgiven by a simple touch. Or hours of sex. In fact the later is preferred but the former is still a huge plus.
(If you can do the former, +30; If you can do the later, +38; If you can do both, +70)
48. Women that use "former and latter" when describeing previously listed things, as in the aforemtnioned sectence. Also, women who use the word "aforementioned."
(+2 for each)
49. Must be a muppet fan... however if your favorite Muppet is Skeeter or Beaker, then i am very disapointed in you.
(+5, unless you just love "Meep, Meep" or the Gopher... then just +1)
50. Points if they realize that Daffy is superior to Bugs Bunny- also, if one is not a WB cartoon fan, that isn't going to help.
(Duck fans, +5; Don't like Warner Brothers shorts, -15)
51. Must be able to name 5 beatles songs
(If not, -15)
52. If you have two different coloured eyes, that is soooo freaking cool
(If So, +7)
53. Completed/are going for your Masters
(Knowledge is Power! +5)
54. Has to Like Poker
(If so, +7)
55. Cannot be Addicted to Gambling
(If so, -24)
56. Must Not Be a Morning Person, unless you Love making me breakfast
(If you rise with the sun, -10; If you make me pancakes, +20)
Yeah, that's It.