Conversations With Dead People
[Backdated to October 31.]
She didn't enter the Bar on Halloween. She learned her lesson last year, when the Bar had made her into something she wasn't.
Yet, that little voice that she'd lived with for five years in Pylea and still came out in the dark quiet times reminded her. You aren't that yet. But you will be. No, that isnt right. She will be, and you'll be nothing.
It was a tough voice to silence when she wouldn't leave her room. Easier not to, lately. Easier to bury herself in books and numbers and theories, endless theories, if she ever got out of here there was going to be a whole world of theories to to change the world. She'd live and chance the world and that voice that always second-guessed her would shut up and leave her alone.
"I'm not going anywhere." she told her own reflection.
"I'm not going anywhere, and that's that."
It was only after she turned away that her reflection answered back.
"We'll see."
She didn't jump, or start, or blink, or any of that surprised stuff. She didn't do any of those things, only turned around slowly, calmly. She'd dealt with stranger things. So her reflection was talking. It wasn't as though there weren't perfectly valid reasons for that.
The girl in the mirror was pale, dark shadows making her face all bones and hollows, making her eyes too large in her skull. Bloodless lips curved into a slight smile, and Fred was forced to rethink her opinion on how she didn't think she could possibly look worse than covered in electric blue.
"We will, you know. We'll see, right up til the end. We'll keep our eyes open as long as we can, but it won't change anything."
"Stop that. I'm not listening."
The girl stepped out of the mirror. Fred was beyond being surprised.
"You are. It's what we're best at."
"You're just a voice in my head. You're just all that negativity, just all that fear I don't talk about. You're nothing. You're not me."
"You're funny. That's what she'll say when the tables are turned. We're just a voice in her head. We're not her."
"We're not. I'm not. I'll never be her."
The dead girl laughed.
"Of course not. You don't know which one you're scared of more, do you?"
"Which one?" Fred frowned, not quite understanding, which she should've probably taken as the first sign that this wasn't her.
"Dying or not dying. Ending forever or becoming part of her. Being trapped or being nothing. You're not sure."
"I would rather be dead than be any part of her. I am sure."
"You're not. Not yet." The smile turned rueful, her tone sad.
"Stop it. Just stop. I know myself and I know I'll never sound like that. You're either her or you're a nightmare or you're something this Bar dreamed up to scare me. Get out."
"I will. As soon as you're sure, I'll be gone, and you'll be..." mirror-Fred trailed off, that tiny smile still fixed upon her lips.
"What? What will I be?" For all that she insisted upon not caring, she wasn't going to let some dream-bitch get away with scaring her and not giving answers.
"Come here and I'll tell you." Mirror-Fred took a step closer, beckoning, holding a hand out to her twin.
"You think I'm stupid?"
"I think you're curious. Come on, you know I'm not the biting kind. Besides, there's someone here wants to see you again." Her other hand came out from behind her back, holding a ragged stuffed plush bunny.
"Feigenbaum."
"Master of Chaos. We almost forgot."
Fred stepped forward, reaching for the almost-forgotten toy.
"Not yet. Not until you hear the rest of it."
Fred chewed at her lip, frowning. This was almost certainly a bad idea.
But so was hiding in her room for weeks at a time until she went crazy and started seeing things.
"Oh, hell." The curse was muttered under her breath, as she took a step forward, took the mirror-Fred's hand which was surprisingly warm for a dead woman's. Let herself be pulled in close to hear the whispered secret, felt more than heard her twin's lips move next to her ear, and...
Sat up in bed, breathing hard and fumbling for the light.
Just a dream.
Just a stupid, stupid dream, brought on by too much solitude and too much thinking and probably not enough of whatever it was that kept bad dreams away.
And then her eyes fell upon something at the foot of the bed, something that hadn't been there before. Something that had kept the nightmares away for years as a child. Something that hadn't made it here, to the end of the Universe.
A tattered stuffed bunny, the Master of Chaos.
Fred clutched it tight even as she lay awake until daylight, trying her hardest to remember the whispered secret even as she tried not to fall back asleep.
She didn't enter the Bar on Halloween. She learned her lesson last year, when the Bar had made her into something she wasn't.
Yet, that little voice that she'd lived with for five years in Pylea and still came out in the dark quiet times reminded her. You aren't that yet. But you will be. No, that isnt right. She will be, and you'll be nothing.
It was a tough voice to silence when she wouldn't leave her room. Easier not to, lately. Easier to bury herself in books and numbers and theories, endless theories, if she ever got out of here there was going to be a whole world of theories to to change the world. She'd live and chance the world and that voice that always second-guessed her would shut up and leave her alone.
"I'm not going anywhere." she told her own reflection.
"I'm not going anywhere, and that's that."
It was only after she turned away that her reflection answered back.
"We'll see."
She didn't jump, or start, or blink, or any of that surprised stuff. She didn't do any of those things, only turned around slowly, calmly. She'd dealt with stranger things. So her reflection was talking. It wasn't as though there weren't perfectly valid reasons for that.
The girl in the mirror was pale, dark shadows making her face all bones and hollows, making her eyes too large in her skull. Bloodless lips curved into a slight smile, and Fred was forced to rethink her opinion on how she didn't think she could possibly look worse than covered in electric blue.
"We will, you know. We'll see, right up til the end. We'll keep our eyes open as long as we can, but it won't change anything."
"Stop that. I'm not listening."
The girl stepped out of the mirror. Fred was beyond being surprised.
"You are. It's what we're best at."
"You're just a voice in my head. You're just all that negativity, just all that fear I don't talk about. You're nothing. You're not me."
"You're funny. That's what she'll say when the tables are turned. We're just a voice in her head. We're not her."
"We're not. I'm not. I'll never be her."
The dead girl laughed.
"Of course not. You don't know which one you're scared of more, do you?"
"Which one?" Fred frowned, not quite understanding, which she should've probably taken as the first sign that this wasn't her.
"Dying or not dying. Ending forever or becoming part of her. Being trapped or being nothing. You're not sure."
"I would rather be dead than be any part of her. I am sure."
"You're not. Not yet." The smile turned rueful, her tone sad.
"Stop it. Just stop. I know myself and I know I'll never sound like that. You're either her or you're a nightmare or you're something this Bar dreamed up to scare me. Get out."
"I will. As soon as you're sure, I'll be gone, and you'll be..." mirror-Fred trailed off, that tiny smile still fixed upon her lips.
"What? What will I be?" For all that she insisted upon not caring, she wasn't going to let some dream-bitch get away with scaring her and not giving answers.
"Come here and I'll tell you." Mirror-Fred took a step closer, beckoning, holding a hand out to her twin.
"You think I'm stupid?"
"I think you're curious. Come on, you know I'm not the biting kind. Besides, there's someone here wants to see you again." Her other hand came out from behind her back, holding a ragged stuffed plush bunny.
"Feigenbaum."
"Master of Chaos. We almost forgot."
Fred stepped forward, reaching for the almost-forgotten toy.
"Not yet. Not until you hear the rest of it."
Fred chewed at her lip, frowning. This was almost certainly a bad idea.
But so was hiding in her room for weeks at a time until she went crazy and started seeing things.
"Oh, hell." The curse was muttered under her breath, as she took a step forward, took the mirror-Fred's hand which was surprisingly warm for a dead woman's. Let herself be pulled in close to hear the whispered secret, felt more than heard her twin's lips move next to her ear, and...
Sat up in bed, breathing hard and fumbling for the light.
Just a dream.
Just a stupid, stupid dream, brought on by too much solitude and too much thinking and probably not enough of whatever it was that kept bad dreams away.
And then her eyes fell upon something at the foot of the bed, something that hadn't been there before. Something that had kept the nightmares away for years as a child. Something that hadn't made it here, to the end of the Universe.
A tattered stuffed bunny, the Master of Chaos.
Fred clutched it tight even as she lay awake until daylight, trying her hardest to remember the whispered secret even as she tried not to fall back asleep.