Down the Rabbit Hole
Title: Down The Rabbit Hole…
Author: exmptfromsanity
Recipient: bergann
Prompt: AU, humour, faily boyfriends, Mike disappearing down the rabbit hole into the land of Disney
Rating: PG-13 because Mike has a pottymouth.
Word count: 4,080
Summary: Mike falls down the rabbit hole… and ends up in a Disney show?
A/N: Yeah, this is slightly crack. Mike’s totally nervous about asking Kevin out and well, you should never accept anything Gabe Saporta gives you. The results are often dangerous and may result in Disney-like hallucinations.
The scene was set, Mike and Bill gathered around Bill’s living room, an assortment of empty and half full beer bottles on the coffee table and a few of Gabe’s gifted cigarettes in the ashtray. The buzz, Mike would say, was pretty amazing.
However, it also led to Bill bringing up some awkward conversations, and an even more awkward choice of television.
“So, Kevin Jonas gave you his phone number last week?” he asked, flipping over to Disney, which was playing Alice in Wonderland.
Mike groaned, low and annoyed in the back of his throat. The fall was full of award shows and after parties. And Bill had struck up a conversation with Nick Jonas of all people, which had somehow led to Mike and Kevin talking guitar and bands, and somehow Mike had left with a Jonas’ number in his cell phone.
“Mike…”
“Yeah, he did,” Mike responded. He wasn’t looking at Bill. Instead he was staring at Alice on the screen, drinking a bottle of liquid and shrinking.
“So, what’re you gonna do with it?”
“Do you know the guy who wrote this book was a priest?” he asked, trying to divert Bill’s attention. It was easier when they were drinking.
“So is Kevin’s dad,” Bill was grinning like the Cheshire cat. Mike had so walked right into that.
“Yeah, but he’s not my type.”
Bill snorted, reaching out with one of his long, spindly legs to poke at Mike’s thigh. “Maybe not the type you go after but he’s definitely the type you need.”
Mike made a face.
“You know, there’s a rumor that the priest was accused of having an affair with the real Alice, she was only ten or twelve or something, Bill - and no, that does not mean I want to molest Kevin Jonas.”
Bill snorted into his beer as he lifted it to his lips. “I don’t think that’s entirely true.”
“Oh yeah, a guy like me is totally going to look good next to Mr. America’s Sweetheart.”
“And you care about public opinion since when.”
“He’s a Jonas Brother.” Mike said, standing up, “and he’s not out of the closet. It’ll be like high school all over again, except with the entirety of America breathing down his neck instead of just half the hockey team. Fucking miserable.”
He nodded and disappeared in the direction of the bathroom.
“Don’t be a pussy,” Bill called after him and Mike turned to shout something back at him as he stepped through the door.
-
-
And suddenly found himself on the floor in what seemed to be a very brightly lit school hallway.
“Jeez, Mike, are you okay?”
Mike looked up. Kevin was knelt down in front of him, looking concerned. That wasn’t what Mike noticed however.
Kevin was wearing a cheerleading uniform.
“’M’fine.” He managed as he pushed himself back to his feet. Mike had blacked out before but never had he hallucinated. He was totally calling Chiz when he came out of this.
He watched as Kevin took in his appearance and paled a little.
“Umm… Mike. Did you wake up late this morning?”
Kevin looked down at his torn jeans and faded black t-shirt. It certainly clashed with the carefully color-coordinated uniforms that the rest of the people in the hallway.
“You’re still wearing what you were last night. Crap, we need to find Stella.”
Mike’s head snapped up. How on earth did Kevin know what he’d been wearing the day before? And who the hell was Stella?
Before he could really get his bearings Kevin’s grip was tight on Mike’s wrist, dragging him through the crowded hallways, finally coming upon both of his brothers and a few people Mike didn’t recognize.
“Stella, we need your help.”
The little blonde who had been talking animatedly to Joe turned to Kevin and Mike, her eyes widening.
“Oh.”
“Please, tell me you have one of the extra uniforms you designed for the band with you? Mike can’t get caught out of uniform again. He’s going to like, get kicked out of school.”
“I wouldn’t go quite that far,” Mike said. Never mind the fact that hadn’t been in school for a good seven years now.
They both looked at him as though he’d suggested eating a kitten. Mike shut his mouth.
“Of course I do,” she turned and opened the locker behind her, pulling out an assortment of garment bags that Mike was pretty sure did not fit in the average sized locker.
“I don’t think he’ll fit in Joe’s uniform but I haven’t taken yours in yet Kevin. I can’t do anything about his hair though, I don’t have my supplies with me and he needs almost as much product as Joe.”
“Hey!” Joe yelped.
Nick choked on a laugh.
Stella smiled at them, patting Joe on the shoulder as she held the garment bag out to Mike who stared at it blankly for a moment before reaching out to take it. Moving dislodged Kevin’s hand from around his wrist and Mike found that he genuinely missed the touch.
“You should probably move,” Nick told him. “The bell’s going to ring in like, five minutes.”
Mike backed away from them and started walking, only to have Stella reach out and grab him, turning him in the other direction.
After Mike had changed into the school uniform he stared at himself in the mirror. This was ridiculous. First of all, these school uniforms were hideous, and uncomfortable. Second… well, Mike was a public school kid through and through. There was no way he would be caught dead in this kind of thing. He un-knotted the tie and unbuttoned the top button on the shirt. That felt a little bit better.
Chimes were going off when he entered the hallway again, and there were no students anywhere. Great, where was he supposed to go?
“Mr. Carden, if you would care to join us.”
Mike’s head snapped up at the familiar voice and he found Gabe standing in the doorway to one of the classroom, dressed every inch as ridiculously as the students.
“Sure,” Mike replied, and scooted past him, into the classroom. The only person who he recognized was Joe and he reluctantly slipped down into the free seat beside him.
“Dude, what is with you today?” Joe asked, passing over a takeout coffee cup.
Thank God, even in this world someone had common sense.
Mike raised the glass to his lips.
“You know Mr. Saporta gets pissy when you’re late.”
At that, someone calling Gabe Mr. Saporta, Mike choked on the coffee that was halfway down his throat, spitting half of it out on his desk and coughing on the rest.
“Mr. Carden.” Gabe was leveling with a glare from the front of the room. It would have been truly impressive, and probably a little intimidating, if he hadn’t played a drunken round of Wii Golf with him two weeks before.
“Sorry,” he managed.
“Another interruption and you can join me after school, hmm?”
Mike ducked his head and used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe off his desk. Joe’s eyes widened to an almost comical roundness. Mr. Sap- no, he couldn’t even think it, Gabe was turning back toward the board, rambling in rapid Spanish.
“Stella is going to have your head on a platter.” Joe squeaked.
Mike just rolled his eyes and took another long pull on his coffee. He was pretty sure that he could handle the perky little blond.
He’d never paid much attention in Spanish class back in school, and he didn’t plan on starting now. He slumped in his seat, pressing his cheek into his palm and stared blankly out the window.
Mike started out of that state when the bell rang shrilly. He’d barely noticed that any time had passed. All of the other kids around him were moving toward the door before it had really registered. He was the last one to pass the desk at the front of the room and Gabe’s voice called him back.
“Michael.”
He paused and looked back over his shoulder.
Gabe had one eyebrow carefully arched. “Your bio teacher, Ms. Asher, does not look kindly on being late for class.”
He turned away from the door in a dismissive gesture and Mike continued out to the hall. Was he supposed to be some sort of fairy-godmother? This was one messed up fantasy world if that was the case.
The hall was the very same mess as it had been before the school day started. Mike decided that he was going to go along with the weird, trippy flow that this place had going on. He wandered down the hall until he found the Jonas gang gathered around the same group of lockers.
“You could have woken me up before class ended,” he told Joe as he joined their group.
Kevin turned away from the cheerleaders he was talking to, his entire face lighting up as his gaze landed on Mike.
“Did you fall asleep again? I told you that you shouldn’t have stayed out last night.”
Mike felt the urge to step forward and brush his hand through Kevin’s curls but he restrained himself.
“When do I ever spend a night in?” he asked.
“Not last night, that’s for sure,” Joe said a funny little twist to his mouth as he threw Kevin a look.
-
Kevin and Stella were both in the Bio class with Mike. The problem was, they were a few seats away and the class was in full lab mode. Mike was working with some tiny girl who introduced herself as Macy. He tuned her out pretty quickly as she kept going on and on about her boyfriend Nick.
Suddenly there was a piece of paper on his desk, his name on it. He looked up; Stella and Kevin were both looking at him pointedly. Unfortunately, so was Vicky-T. And okay, in the real world Mike was most definitely afraid of Vicky-T. He subtly pushed the note off of the desk and shoved it into his pocket before pretending to be vaguely interested in what Macy was saying as he copied down her answers.
When he looked back up Kevin was poking at the neatly dissected frog bits on the table in front of him while Stella was glaring daggers at him.
Mike maybe quickly averted his gaze, and moved to better conceal the coffee stain on his sleeve. Ok, maybe Joe was right to be a little intimidated by a little blond thing. She did look about ready to tear out Kevin’s soul with her claws.
-
Mike’s next class, it seemed was English. He half expected to walk in and find Bill standing at the front of the room. Instead Ryan Ross was standing there in a three piece suit, scrawling lines of poetry on the board in chalk. Before Mike could actually be noticed as having been in the classroom, he turned and fled back out the door. There were some things Mike was just not interested in being forced to sit through.
Since it seemed to be very difficult to locate an actual exit from the school Mike locked himself in one of the bathrooms and cracked a window before digging a half empty pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He fumbled with his lighter for a moment and almost cried out in pain when he took the first inhale.
What kind of inhuman world was this that even his cigarettes had turned fake?
Stupid Disney.
Mike spent a few minutes sitting there, just drumming his fingers against the wall, smoking his cigarette (even though it lacked nicotine and all the horrible things that made Mike love it), just relishing the joy of not being in class. Eventually he tugged the neatly folded note out of his pocket and opened it.
Have to stay after school to practice for the football game tonight.
Are you still coming?
-K
Part of Mike bit back a grin, just teenaged humor. The rest of him however, was trying to resist banging his head back against the wall of the bathroom. Was he supposed to be the Jonas’ pet project in this alternate world or something? Mike remembered high school, and remembered how people like Kevin had never been friends with people like Mike. So why did Kevin seem to want nothing more than to latch onto Mike?
Mike ground the heel of his palm against his eyes. Was this a headache or his inevitable hangover coming on?
-
His next class was guitar. Mike couldn’t say that he wasn’t just the tiniest bit excited about it. There didn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to the class, there didn’t even seem to be any real sort of instructor, so Mike just picked up a guitar and started playing.
But of course he managed to look up just as Joe and Kevin came into the room. Joe went straight to grab a guitar, but Kevin came over and stood in front of him.
Mike looked up, giving Kevin a brief nod before looking down and concentrating on what he was playing. It was the subtlest brush-off he could think of, and the one that made him sounds least like an asshole.
It was a few minutes before Kevin’s shoes disappeared from Mike’s view, but a moment later they reappeared as Kevin pulled up a chair beside him and started playing his own instrument.
It wouldn’t have bothered Mike so much if Kevin’s playing hadn’t complimented his so damn perfectly.
-
If anything, Mike figured, he could pass under the radar at lunch. It wasn’t difficult to sit in the corner of the cafeteria and ignore everyone. Unless of course everyone came to him, which was exactly what happened. Stella sat down next to him and started asking him about his plans for afterschool before he could escape and Kevin followed his brothers over.
“So, where are you going tonight?” she prodded.
“I’ll find something to do,” Mike said with a shrug, watching Kevin’s shoulder’s sink just a little bit more across the table. “I heard there’s a football game tonight.”
“So, you’re going to hang out with us. Cheer on the football team?”
“Mock the cheerleaders?” Joe joked, mock shoving Kevin.
Mike’s eyes narrowed a little of their own accord.
“Maybe if you reverse those two,” he said simply. He’d never been one for team sports. Seeing Kevin in his cheerleading uniform all day, Mike could maybe get behind the staring bit.
“Yeah Joe, don’t be a jerk,” Stella put in.
Joe looked at her, a little more than offended. Mike could see it. It was something in the face, maybe the eyes. It made him want to roll his eyes.
“Do you want my notes from Ross’ English class?” Kevin asked him, tugging a notebook out of his bag. “I’ve got to study for my history test this afternoon, but I can go over them with you if you want.”
Mike looked at Kevin for a moment. He’d never been one for studying, and even though switching seats with Joe and pressing in close to Kevin sounded like a good idea it was only going to get Kevin in trouble.
I don’t really care,” he said, shrugging and trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.
Kevin’s face fell in the exact same way Joe’s had moments before. It was definitely in the eyes and it made Mike inwardly wince as Kevin just nodded and opened his notebook in front of him. The entire table had gone quiet and Mike just focused his gaze on the tray in front of him until the bell rang again.
-
As Mike sat down in his Math class the one person he had not expected to have class with sat down across from him.
“Aren’t you supposed to be a freshman?” he asked, because well, crazy hallucination or no, Nick and he should definitely not have been in the same classes.
Nick waved the question off with a wave of his hand.
“Are you being dense on purpose or is this some result of kind of mood swing that you forgot to let everybody in on?”
Mike just stared for a moment before an eloquent, “huh,” found its way out of his mouth.
“Kevin,” Nick said pointedly, “You know, my brother, the cheerleader, the one who plays guitar and makes sure you pass Ross’ English class- you know that one you skipped today which by the way he is going to kill you for. The Kevin who you drove into the city with for that show last night, and I don’t know who is your boyfriend. The one you’ve been pointedly ignoring all day.”
So maybe now the entire day was catching up with Mike and slapping him very hard across the face. Now things kind of made a little more sense.
“Oh.”
Nick dropped his face into his palm, mumbled something about dealing with idiots.
“I’m dating your brother,” Mike went on, just to be sure, “and no one has a problem with that?”
Nick looked up again, glaring at Mike. “You didn’t drop him off until after one last night and my parents didn’t care because he was with you, meanwhile Joe came in ten minutes after curfew and had his chores doubled for the next month. People at this school love Kevin because he’s a dork and you because of your scary awesome guitar skills. You won cutest couple in the yearbook. How does that translate to anyone having a problem with you two?”
Mike opened and closed his mouth a few times, but couldn’t seem to find anything to say to that.
Nick shook his head.
“I should get paid for this,” he mumbled to himself. “Come to the game tonight, fix things and stop ignoring Kevin so he stop doing his whole sadface-depressed moping thing. You’re making babies cry, Carden.”
He turned back toward the front of the room, leaving Mike to process their entire conversation by himself.
Well fuck.
-
After the last bell rang the school cleared out pretty quickly. Mike didn’t even get a chance to catch Kevin in the halls before he saw the three brothers in their matching uniforms disappear out the front door.
Mike left the school and just went for a walk. He didn’t know where he was but it looked a lot like a Disney backlot and all he needed was to find his way back to the high school, right? The football field had to be nearby.
He was started out of his thoughts by a car horn honking loudly.
Gabe was leaning out the window and shaking his head at Mike. “Seriously, Carden, you haven’t figured it out yet? Do you want to be stuck here forever?”
“Aren’t you my teacher?” he asked.
Gabe rolled his eyes. “Yes Mike, and do you know what teachers do; they try to guide impressionable young minds like your own. And come on, when the forces that be drop you in a place as whacked out as a Disney show you need someone you know to guide you in the right direction.”
“In other words?” Mike was almost afraid to ask.
“In other words get in the car so I can bring you to the football game.”
It seemed like the entire school was on the track surrounding the football field. Mike shrugged on a jean jacket that he’d stolen from the back of Gabe’s car and started through the crowd. He could see the cheerleaders farther down the field and headed in that direction. In the very least he would find Kevin. Unsurprisingly, everyone was gathered around the fence. Nick raised an eyebrow when Mike approached.
Mike just shrugged and leaned in against the fence. He didn’t know much about cheerleading but the tosses that Kevin and the few other guys were doing looked complicated, a lot more complicated than the play that the football team was fumbling on the field.
He let out a yell, nothing embarrassing but it was certainly cheering.
Stella let out a laugh from Nick’s other side. “You’re so cute,” she cooed at Mike.
Mike just rolled his eyes in response. He was pretty sure no matter where he was that was his immediate response.
He stood there, ignoring the conversation behind him, and instead choosing to watch Kevin because, okay, cheerleaders. Even male equaled bendy and watching Kevin was in no way a bad thing. He may have been staring blatantly. Just a little bit.
“Dude, seriously,” Joe said, voice cracking, “that is my brother!”
Mike just shrugged, “Your brother’s hot, man.”
Stella and Nick exchanged glances behind Joe’s back and burst into laughter, Stella’s giggles loud as she leaned into Joe’s shoulder a little too friendly. Nick just shook his head.
“What’s so funny?”
He’d only been distracted by them for a moment, but it had been enough for the cheerleaders to be given a break and for Kevin to come up and lean on the fence.
He was looking at Joe and Stella, eyebrow raised.
“Mike’s staring is making Joe feel awkward,” Nick explained.
“Oh,” Kevin said, his gaze moving to Mike, “I’m glad you came. You were staring?”
“Well yeah,” Mike admitted. He brought his arm up to the top of the fence, sliding it along the fence and curling his fingers in with Kevin’s. It wasn’t much but no one was staring, no one was cursing them out, and no one was acting like there was anything at all wrong. It wasn’t anything like Mike remembered high school being. It was nice.
“You skipped Ross’ class.”
“Took a nap in the nurse’s office. We were out late last night, remember.” Mike didn’t, but hopefully Kevin had good memories.
Kevin flushed bright pink, which only brought another round of laughter from their friends. He licked lightly at his lips which made Mike’s heart beat a little faster.
Mike just smiled, leaning across the fence to see if he could get away with kissing Kevin in public. It looked promising when Kevin grinned and leaned in to meet him.
-
-
“CARDEN!” A long, spindly leg knocked hard into Mike’s thigh and he had to grab onto the back of the couch to keep from tumbling to the floor. He looked up, eyes narrowing as Bill came into his range of vision. He had been so damn close.
Bill’s eyes narrowed in return. The two of them were really too much alike for their own good.
“Have you seriously not been paying attention to me? I’ve been trying to explain this to you for twenty minutes.” Bill’s voice maybe got a little screechy when he was pissed.
“Explain what?” Mike asked. He was tempted to smirk but wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to incur Bill’s wrath.
His friend just crossed his arms over his chest and glared.
“Okay, Bill,” he rubbed a hand over his eyes, feigning exhaustion and the beginnings of a hangover, “just give me the readers digest version. Come on.”
Bill was long-winded by nature. He heaved a huge sigh so Mike would know what an inconvenience he was being.
“Kevin Jonas,” he said, words careful, “did not ask you to protect him from the big, bad bullies of America’s tabloids. He did not ask you to change who you are in order to match the Disney image. He’s old enough to make his own choices and he asked you to call him.”
“Okay,” Mike replied easily.
“No, Mike seriously-” Bill cut off suddenly, “What?”
“You’re right, I’m going to go and umm… do that now.” He got up and left the room, leaving Bill sitting there absolutely speechless. That in itself was worth it, catching him completely off guard.
Mike opened his phone and scrolled through his contacts until he reached Kevin’s number. He grinned as he remembered the pink that tinged Kevin’s cheeks and the way he’d licked his lips.
Of course Bill had gone and ruined the moment. But there was no fucking way that Mike was going to let this go now; he was going to call Kevin Jonas, ask him out, and kiss him until neither of them could catch their breath.
“Hey Jonas,” he said when Kevin picked up, sounding wide awake and a little surprised, “It’s Mike. Any chance you want to go to a football game tomorrow?”