I'll find My Words When There's No One Talking (Part II)
When Ian rolled out of bed the next morning he cursed himself because it was so late. Marshall’s car wasn’t in the driveway. They were supposed to wake him, drive him down to the grounds to feed the cats. He took a quick shower and walked through the house to try to find someone else. The place was empty. Everyone was either at work or practice now that things were getting rolling.
Ian cursed because his car was trapped in the mess of vehicles they had in the lot behind the house. It would take some serious juggling to get his out.
“Hey,” Johnson came in through the front door, still dressed in his work clothes. “You been down to the fairgrounds yet. I have to go feed Bella.”
“Give me a ride?” Ian asked.
“Yeah, sure.”
“I think we need another movie night,” Johnson said as they pulled away from the house a few minutes later. “If I have to watch another night of someone else’s TV I’m going to strangle someone.”
“Yeah,” Ian agreed, “I can live with that.”
“Good.”
Ian followed Johnson down to Bella’s paddock when they arrived and watched from a distance as he climbed up onto her back with practiced ease. Johnson rode Bella in his direction. He hadn’t even seen the cats yet but she still seemed wary of coming near him. Johnson murmured quietly to her.
“It’s alright, Ian isn’t going to hurt you.”
She came closer and the hand Ian reached out was tentative. He almost jumped back when he touched her trunk because she’d never let him do that before. He stepped back after a moment.
“I should go take care of the cats.”
“Okay,” Johnson replied, voice even, “I’m going to work with her out here so you can bring them into the tent if you want.”
“Thanks.”
While the cats ate Ian wandered into the tent where Marshall and Jon were arguing over music as Alex ran through warm ups. Cash and Brendon were running around the edge of the ring, tumbling and working through what Ian assumed was an old routine. He sat down on the bleachers to relax and watch. Cash kept glancing up at Alex in a nervous habit. Ian couldn’t say he blamed him.
When he finally noticed Ian he came over. “I want to hear about the new cat.”
“What?”
“Johnson said you were going to get leopard, or something.”
Word spread too fast through their group, “Can’t afford it.”
“Man, that sucks. I was all excited about getting to play with a kitten.”
“Me too,” Ian said sadly. “I guess it’s just the girls for now. They gotten anything done?”
Cash looked toward the ring, “Nope, Marshall and Jon are bickering over the music they want to use. Marsh wants something piano based, Jon’s thinking oldies.”
“What about Alex?”
Cash grinned, “Alex is avoiding getting involved and incurring Marsh’s wrath since he agrees with Jon. You two are good by the way. I explained things to him.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem. What’s the plan for the new show?”
Ian grinned; he loved talking about his girls. Without much prompting he launched into the new ideas he had for the show. Cash sat and listened patiently. Ian knew it was because he was bummed about the new cat, but he appreciated it nonetheless.
When he finally went to get the cats, and bring them into the ring, they were calm and full, perking up as they entered the tent. Tokyo hopped right up onto one of the stools and balanced up on her hind legs.
He let Sierra lay on the dirt floor as he ran Tokyo through some easy exercises, jumps and faking lashing out at him. She was the younger of the two and would be impatient if he didn’t let her do work. When he clicked his tongue Sierra raised her head and got to her feet, coming over and jumping up to put her paws on his shoulders. He stumbled back a little bit before he caught himself. She was heavy. Tokyo was headed in their direction and he sent both of them to their stools with a few motions of his hand. A low whistle prompted each of them to growl, threateningly and he grinned. His girls were amazing.
He patted his legs and got Sierra to follow him around the ring as Tokyo sat patiently, waiting for her orders, tail twitching as she watched closely.
He could hear Marshall and Jon, still arguing over music. When he glanced over at their ring he found Singer hanging from the trapeze with a grip on Johnson’s wrists. He stopped short in his jog and Sierra passed him, turning and head-butting his hip.
He scratched her behind the ears as he watched them doing a few simple tricks, nothing near as complicated as what Alex and Marshall pulled off, but a lot more than Ian could do even on the ground. Sometimes he forgot that Johnson had grown up in a circus, forgot that he could do just about everything.
He kept staring until there was a sudden growl as Tokyo leapt at Sierra and she twisted away from him to swat back.
“Hey,” he snapped, “None of that.”
He tugged on Sierra’s collar and she backed off, but Tokyo took a bit of effort. Maybe it was best that he didn’t try anything new yet; she was still young and liked to misbehave. “No,” he told her pulling her away, “Brat. I’m going to put you back in your cage.”
She finally stopped pushing, only to look up at him with her big brown eyes, turning her head to lick at his hand.
“Brat,” he sighed, relenting and scratching along her spine as he tugged her back across the ring.
He climbed back into Johnson’s car an hour later, kicked into the backseat by a still frustrated Jon.
“Why won’t that stupid kid just listen?” he asked Johnson, “I know what I’m talking about when it comes to music. It fits their routine better.”
Even from the backseat Ian could see Johnson roll his eyes. “Maybe if you didn’t spend half your time trying to piss him off you would seem more sincere about your music choices.”
Jon bit back a grin, “But that’s the best part.”
The three of them laughed as Johnson reversed out of his parking space.
-
Ian came home from the closing shift at Pete’s store two nights later to find the house practically empty. Pete was running out the door with Gabe and William hot on his heels.
As he made his way through the bottom floor of the house he found Sisky in the kitchen eating leftovers and loud music coming from Brendon’s room. Then he hit the living room. Cash and Alex seemed to once again have claimed the couch for themselves. Cash didn’t have a shirt on and was on top of Alex, hands clearly sliding up his shirt and holding him down. Their lips slid together slowly and Ian could only tear his gaze away as Cash roughly pushed his hips downward. Okay, those two were hot together, he would admit that, but that was something that he did not need to see.
He moved on through the room, throwing only one comment out at them, “Don’t come on the couch.”
“Don’t ruin the buzz,” Cash snapped back and Ian didn’t dare turn around to see what it was Alex did to make him groan.
He pushed open the door to his room only to find Johnson digging through his movie bin.
“Do you have Dazed and Confused in here somewhere?”
“Yeah,” Ian stuttered, “What are you doing in here?”
“Your room’s farther than mine from the living room,” Johnson replied as he located the movie and held it up victoriously. He looked up and pushed his hair out of his face, “And because you owe me a movie night.”
Ian grinned, “Both equally good reasons.”
Johnson backed across the floor as Ian kicked off his shoes and peeled his sweatshirt over his head. He collapsed down onto the bed as Johnson cued up the movie and shut off the main light in the room.
“Scoot over,” he said, shoving at Ian’s shoulder.
There was plenty of room on the bed but Ian could feel the warmth of Johnson next to him as the movie started and Johnson chuckled as Ben Affleck’s asshole character made his first appearance.
“They been at it all night?”
Johnson shrugged, “Alex came back and like jumped Cash in the kitchen, frightening experience.” He shuddered a little.
Ian chuckled, “I can imagine.”
“But I guess they have a lot of catching up to do, making up for lost time.”
“What was it like when you guys all toured with you parents?” Ian asked. He’d come into the Chicagoland group almost three years ago, and he’d always been considered the kid. He hadn’t exactly been an outsider but he certainly wasn’t as close to anyone as Johnson was to Alex, Marshall and Cash.
Johnson shrugged, rolling onto his side to face Ian. “I don’t know how to describe it. I was never not around it, you know. I dropped out of school when I was sixteen because I just hated it. I loved the summer when I could just go have fun. I knew it was what I wanted to do when I was fourteen, the first summer all of them came out with us. It was just me and my friends doing what I loved.”
“What about Bella?”
A hazy grin pulled across Johnson’s face. “I got her when I was twelve. My dad helped me train her. It killed me the first year I had to go to school and leave her behind.”
“I can imagine.”
“What about the cats.”
“My uncle trains them. He got me into them and gave me Sierra. He does stage shows but Pete made me an offer and my uncle talked me into spending my graduation money on Tokyo before we left. You know the hell it is to train on the phone.”
Johnson nodded, “Yeah, I do. You would have had fun with us, I think. When we were in the camp the four of us shared a trailer, pulled all kinds of pranks and learned a lot about each other. Cash totally had the biggest thing for Alex since the first time they met. Marshall and I were taking bets on when they would get their act together.”
“Who won?”
“Hmm… I think technically mine was closer but still off by like three years.”
They both laughed and Johnson resettled himself on the mattress, a bit closer to Ian. Ian’s breath caught in his throat for a moment.
“Still, it’d be nice to know you were getting laid every night,” Johnson said before turning back to the movie and leaving Ian staring at him.
-
“Will they stay inside the ring?” Patrick asked.
Ian rolled his eyes. Patrick had asked him every year since he had joined the tour.
“Yes Patrick, they will stay inside the ring, they will not run off in the middle of the performance, they will not be a problem.”
Patrick crossed his arms over his chest, “Don’t be smug with me.”
“Don’t ask me stupid questions.” He scratched under Sierra’s new collar, done up in the colors.
“Go over it with me again?”
“Bring them out into the ring. I’m not using the whip prop anymore, I don’t like it. Do the showcase with each of them, the staged fight, then the rings and those other tricks-”
“What happened to starting with the fight?”
“I want to showcase both of the cats first. Starting off with the fight tends to make the audience pick sides. A lot of people don’t like Tokyo and I want to change that. Anyway, I want to end with maybe Sierra chasing Cash out of the ring.”
Patrick stared at him for a moment, “Does he know about this?”
Ian nodded, “He said as long as neither of them takes a bite out of his ass he’s willing to get a laugh out of it.”
Patrick chuckled, “He would. Okay, why don’t you put them back outside, get them settled. I’ve got to look at this thing Andy and Joe are working on and then we’re all going to head back.”
Ian nodded, clicking his tongue at Tokyo where she was curled up on the floor. She followed him and Sierra out to the gated area that was set up for him. Without any prompting she jumped up into her cage and curled up. They’d done a lot of practicing and work today and well, cats were lazy. Once Ian had fastened both of the doors shut he headed back to the tent.
-
Marshall was back to arguing with Jon about the music, holed away in the booth this time at least. Alex was doing some solo tricks and the rest of the gang were working on or cleaning up from their respective acts.
“What’s with being on the swings so much this spring?” Johnson asked as he hopped up onto Marshall’s swing.
“I missed it over the winter,” Alex replied, “and I want Cash to trust me to go back up in the air when tour starts up again. I don’t want him to worry so much.”
Johnson dropped to hang by his knees, waving to catch Alex’s attention.
“He trusts you, he’s just freaked out that you’re going to fall again.”
Alex rolled his eyes, “and I’ve fallen how many times?”
“That last time was pretty bad.”
“Yeah, once. I was distracted by what was going on and it hasn’t happened since. Ready?”
“Three,” Johnson counted as they swung, “Two… One.”
Alex left his swing and he and Johnson easily caught one another’s wrists. They swung easily for a moment, quiet.
“And things are good now, no more distractions?”
“A different kind of distraction.” He let Johnson flip him, “A good kind.”
“I’m glad you two finally figured things out.” He dropped one of Alex’s wrists in part of a lift and caught an ankle instead. Their routine was a practice routine that all of them had learned in their first year of camp. They didn’t need to communicate with words.
“Finally?”
There was a quick series of three moves and Johnson focused on them rather than responding. When they landed, once again gripping one another’s wrists it jerked at Johnson’s shoulders a little more than it should have. He took another moment to adjust his grip.
“Marshall and I have been taking bets since that first summer we all went out together. I was telling Ian about it the other night. I put some serious money on you letting Cash shove his tongue down your throat long before last summer.”
Alex looked up at him as they slowly just swung back and forth. “Did Cash say something to you?”
“Nothing specific.” Johnson said, “He asked who you were the first day, asked me what I thought a lot. He thought you were so cool.”
Alex nodded a little, “Let me drop?”
They’d slowed almost to a stop and the cushioned mats were placed under the low trapeze. Johnson counted it down and released Alex’s wrists. It caused his stomach to lurch a bit to do so but Alex landed easily, bouncing a little on the flooring.
Johnson pushed himself to the bar and swung there, using his arms to propel him around the bar a few times.
“So,” Alex called up from where he was sitting on the ground, “Ian?”
Johnson paused, looking down. “What about him?”
“You spend a lot of time hanging out in his room,” Cash replied, coming up behind Alex and dropping to the ground, sliding an arm around Alex’s middle. “Get down here so we can leave, will you.”
Johnson rolled his eyes but let himself drop down to the floor. He let Cash haul him to his feet before he responded, “Well, the view of Ian’s TV is a lot better than watching you two take over the living room every night.”
“Sorry that you’re jealous,” Cash taunted, digging his keys out of his pocket as they made their way outside.
“Right, clearly,” Johnson nodded. “It’s not that Ian’s a cool guy; it’s totally all about how jealous I am of you.”
Cash flashed a bright grin as he started the car’s engine. “We can’t all be so charming.”
As both Johnson and Alex burst out laughing Cash gunned the engine down the drive.
-
“That was smooth,” Cash told Alex as he came out of the bathroom after a shower, a towel wrapped around his waist. “Asking Johnson about Ian.”
“What? I was totally smooth.”
Cash dropped onto the bed, “Yeah, asking him what he thinks of Ian is totally not obvious.”
“Well, Ian has a crush on him. It’s totally obvious now that you said something.”
Cash grinned; a lot of things were obvious after he spelled them out for Alex.
“And he’s, well, he’s Johnson, and even we don’t quite know how to read him. How do you plan to fix things for them?”
Cash shrugged, “I don’t.”
Alex raised an eyebrow.
“Unlike some people Johnson doesn’t need to be pointed in the right direction when someone likes him.”
Alex ducked his head, biting his lip a little, “He told me that you talked about me a lot our first summer at camp.”
Cash’s joking exterior fell. “Did he?”
“I thought you hated me that summer,” Alex said, rolling up onto his side to get closer to Cash. “You picked on me every chance you got.”
“I was a teenage boy.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Alex asked, “Why didn’t Johnson or Marshall?”
Cash shrugged, “We were stupid kids.”
Alex nodded and Cash ducked his head to kiss him, tugging Alex’s lip between his teeth, “Hey. I’ve been fucking head over heels for you since that summer. It’s not my fault you were too thick to realize it.”
“Shut up,” Alex pushed Cash down onto his back.
“It’s okay, baby,” Cash teased, wrapping both of his arms around Alex’s middle, “We’ve got plenty of time to make up for it now.”
“Mmm…” Alex agreed, pressing his face into Cash’s neck and pressing a kiss to the underside of his jaw.
“Maybe Johnson’s right. We do spend a lot of time being distracting.”
Cash chuckled, “Like I care.”
-
Ian spent a lot more time doodling at the store these days. He was designing a few t-shirts to sell over the summer, fine lines and splashes of color outlining some of the parts of the act. Two bodies flying through the air for the trapeze, some of the boys’ tattoos for the clowns. Right now he was working on the elephant. They were all growing off a drawing he’d done of the cats the year before. Coming out from the sleeve of the shirt he’d sketched a rough outline of Bella’s head.
He could hand the sketched to Pete when he got home later but right about then his stomach was starting to protest being ignored. He set the drawings aside and hurried downstairs.
Marshall was in the kitchen making a pot of coffee. It looked like he was working the late shift at work.
“Hey man,” Ian greeted, pulling open the fridge.
“Hey, how’re the cats.”
“Grouchy.” Ian held up an arm to display the scratch that Sierra had given him that morning. It wasn’t deep but it had stung like a bitch when she’d done it. The cats had both been edgy all day, probably because he’d stepped up the practice regimen over the past week.
Marshall made a face, “And that is why I stick with people.”
“I don’t know, Alex can do a number on people. I’ve seen Cash’s neck.”
Marshall chuckled as he poured a travel mug full of coffee, adding cream and sugar.
“So, did you and Alex finally figure out what music you’re using this summer?”
Marshall nodded, “Jon put together a Beatles song medley for us.”
Ian grinned a little, knowing Marshall couldn’t see as he pulled the makings of a sandwich out of the fridge. Alex and Jon had been trying to get Marshall to change his mind for weeks. He was about to ask what had finally changed his mind when Jon came into the kitchen, looking like he was running late, and okay, that was not exactly a rare occurrence in Jon’s life. Marshall pressed the top onto the travel mug and held it out.
Jon took is as he shrugged on his jacket.
“Thanks,” he said.
He looked like he was going to say something else but Marshall just nodded, “No problem.”
“Later, Ian,” he said, clapping him on the back, “Thanks again, Marsh.” Then he disappeared out the back door.
“What was that?” Ian asked after a moment of silence awkward on his end, relaxed on Marshall’s.
“What was what?”
Ian raised an eyebrow, glancing over at Marshall as he worked on his dinner.
“I was a dick about the music,” Marshall said wish a shrug, “Jon was running late. I’m not a complete asshole, you know.”
“Yeah, but you don’t like Jon.”
“Jon’s frustrating.” Marshall poured himself a cup of coffee, “I’ll get you the mix if you want to take a listen. I like what he did for your routine with the cats but he’s a pain in the ass most of the time.”
Ian nodded even though he didn’t necessarily agree; Marshall was just a little bit uptight, not used to the laid back way of the Chicagoland guys yet.
“We’re celebrating Brendon’s birthday when he gets home from work, are you in?” Marshall asked.
“Of course,” Ian said. Yeah, he definitely needed food if there was going to be a party later.
Sure enough, Brendon and Spencer came home from work less than an hour later with a couple of bags. Butcher set up shot glasses and Pete started mixing drinks. Ian settled onto the couch with a Jack and coke, more Jack than coke really, while the living room filled up as more and more people arrived home from work. The room was loud, music pounding loudly as they all mingled and celebrated. It was rare that nearly all of them were home at the same time and they all had a reason to be in the same room.
People kept passing Brendon drinks all night, as was tradition. Then, when he passed out on the couch before it was even eleven, Joe pulled out the markers, Spencer, Cash and Pete all quickly joining him in covering Brendon’s bare skin in a multitude of designs. Brendon knew it would happen, as it always did. Ian wondered if he’d find it as funny in the morning as he had when Ryan had to walk around with the words ‘Kiss me’ on his cheek for two days during the previous summer.
Ian was tired when he wandered up to his room later in the night. His arm was throbbing a little bit, because maybe being injured and drinking heavily were not a good combination. He dropped down onto his bed, packing up the drawings that had been laying there since he went to make dinner.
Parties tended to die down once the birthday boy was out for the night and the fun of drawing on them was over.
“Dude, you coming back downstairs?” Johnson stuck his head inside the door as he passed by.
Ian looked up from where he was rooting around in his bin of movies. “Nah, it’s late and Pete’s mixing the drinks a little strong. I’m just gonna watch a movie and pass out.”
“Cool, mind if I join you?”
Ian made an affirmative noise as he held out a movie for Johnson to put in the player.
“Empire Records, really?” Johnson asked.
“I’m on a Rory Cochrane kick,” Ian said with a shrug. He scooted over on the bed and watched Johnson as he started up the movie before collapsing back onto the bed next to him.
“So, I think the crown may have been the best idea ever,” Johnson said.
Ian let a grin pull at the corner of his lips. Cash had drawn a crown across Brendon’s forehead. It was a little bit amazing.
“Do you think it’s too late to add the word ‘dork’ to it?”
“Patrick was getting him up and to bed when I was coming up to my room.”
“Spoil sport,” Ian muttered darkly as the movie started up. “There’s no way I’m making it through this entire movie.”
“I’ll turn it off before I leave,” Johnson knocked his shoulder against Ian’s.
They were quiet for a few minutes as Lucas flirted with the chick and began his temptation with Atlantic City.
The alcohol still had him feeling a little fuzzy.
“Marshall finally agreed with Alex and Jon on the music.” Oh yeah, and it made his tongue a little loose.
“Yeah,” Johnson didn’t sound like he cared.
“About time.”
“Yeah,” Johnson snorted as Lucas lost the money. Seeing other people get screwed was always his favorite part.
They again lapsed into silence until Johnson’s favorite line came up just a moment later. He turned to Ian and quoted even more seriously than the screen.
“I do not regret the things I have done, but those I did not do.”
Usually Ian would burst out laughing at Johnson’s Winston Churchill impression but something was catching up with him. He didn’t even realize what he’d done until he had done it.
Ian leaned into the space between him and Johnson, a hand pressing to the side of his jaw as he leaned in and brushed their lips together. He pulled back for a second and licked his lips, leaning back in and sliding their lips together again. He thought he felt Johnson kissing back and slid his hand further back, tangling it in Johnson’s hair. Johnson’s hand pressed lightly to his chest, not hard enough to push him away as far as Ian could tell.
-
.