evolve.
I don't like seeing people I dislike happy. I'm petty like that.
I should resist, but I find myself looking at photos - morbid curiosity hunting for photos of dead bodies. Her lips are so red. I wore that colour once. I know now, I wear it better. I feel bad for her, because I've felt that kind of pain and it's like a survivor watching another victim fall by the same blade.
Sometimes, I wish I could vent about the awesome clarity that restrospect provides.
But I shouldn't.
Because that would make you a better person, and I don't want that.
__
I wore make up and heels the other day and went out to dinner, like the adult I'm supposed to be.
I ate a sevety-dollar meal, refused wine, made pleasant conversation.
I enjoyed my company.
I worried about perspective, and direction and focus like a photographer trying to capture the bigger picture.
I don't think I was ever meant to be an adult.
__
I am learning guitar again. It's hard and I've been just as committed as I was the last time I tried.
The need to listen to constant rock as a source of inspiration is exhausting.
__
Tumblr is eating my life.
__
I vow to be more honest to myself, and to others. It's harder than it sounds - I feel like I've been held back by about five or so years because of the choices I made in a time where I was younger and stupider.
Say no when I want to. Disagree when it doesn't feel right. Ignore trends.
Speak my mind.
__
I should cook more. I can't go into the second half of my twenties with a culinary repertoire comprised of simple carb-based dishes and a shocking inability to wield a knife without making the people around me sweat with anxiety.
__
I have a four-day work week coming up. I've been casual for so long that I don't know if I've got the stomach to handle it.
__
I am a Dratini. He cuddles me and I make little noises of happy. One day, his love will help me evolve into the Dragonite he knows I can be and I will hyperbeam the shit out of everything.
But for now
I am a Dratini.
I should resist, but I find myself looking at photos - morbid curiosity hunting for photos of dead bodies. Her lips are so red. I wore that colour once. I know now, I wear it better. I feel bad for her, because I've felt that kind of pain and it's like a survivor watching another victim fall by the same blade.
Sometimes, I wish I could vent about the awesome clarity that restrospect provides.
But I shouldn't.
Because that would make you a better person, and I don't want that.
__
I wore make up and heels the other day and went out to dinner, like the adult I'm supposed to be.
I ate a sevety-dollar meal, refused wine, made pleasant conversation.
I enjoyed my company.
I worried about perspective, and direction and focus like a photographer trying to capture the bigger picture.
I don't think I was ever meant to be an adult.
__
I am learning guitar again. It's hard and I've been just as committed as I was the last time I tried.
The need to listen to constant rock as a source of inspiration is exhausting.
__
Tumblr is eating my life.
__
I vow to be more honest to myself, and to others. It's harder than it sounds - I feel like I've been held back by about five or so years because of the choices I made in a time where I was younger and stupider.
Say no when I want to. Disagree when it doesn't feel right. Ignore trends.
Speak my mind.
__
I should cook more. I can't go into the second half of my twenties with a culinary repertoire comprised of simple carb-based dishes and a shocking inability to wield a knife without making the people around me sweat with anxiety.
__
I have a four-day work week coming up. I've been casual for so long that I don't know if I've got the stomach to handle it.
__
I am a Dratini. He cuddles me and I make little noises of happy. One day, his love will help me evolve into the Dragonite he knows I can be and I will hyperbeam the shit out of everything.
But for now
I am a Dratini.