Just tired - feeling SAD..
So in my head, I know these doom and gloom feelings are related to the shorter days and the normal self-reflection state I go into toward the year's end.
What have I accomplished this year? Why am I still floundering and not closer to any of my goals? I start dreading the end of the year like it's more than just a calendar position. It takes on a whole new being of it's own. Once January arrives, even though we're still in the middle of winter, I already sense the coming of fresh and new, of spring and brighter, longer days.
Ironic that the holidays fall in the middle of the worst part of the cycle for me, since I love the holidays and all the family related gatherings and celebrations. Maybe this is universal and always has been, thus the placement of the celebrations in the middle of the worst part of the cycle - to force gaiety and happiness when it's needed the most?
And maybe some of it is self-inflicted. I feel taken advantage of by people I love. I find myself feeling as if I am nothing more to them than a provider of things. It makes me feel distanced. I recognize this as my feelings and maybe not how things necessarily are...but a good friend of mine recently said "feelings are just feelings....they aren't right or wrong". I can't help that I feel this way...but it really colors my reactions to everyday situations.
I feel like I lack stability. I've always loved change and flexibility, but always as long as I feel grounded. I don't feel grounded lately, I don't seem to have much to hold onto - nothing is permanent - I rent my house, I am a contractor vs. regular employee...so on and so forth. I don't have much that grounds me.
I'm sure of nothing else at the moment except that tomorrow I will feel better. I always feel better tomorrow. It's the dark that gets me. Every. Single. Stinkin. Time.
What have I accomplished this year? Why am I still floundering and not closer to any of my goals? I start dreading the end of the year like it's more than just a calendar position. It takes on a whole new being of it's own. Once January arrives, even though we're still in the middle of winter, I already sense the coming of fresh and new, of spring and brighter, longer days.
Ironic that the holidays fall in the middle of the worst part of the cycle for me, since I love the holidays and all the family related gatherings and celebrations. Maybe this is universal and always has been, thus the placement of the celebrations in the middle of the worst part of the cycle - to force gaiety and happiness when it's needed the most?
And maybe some of it is self-inflicted. I feel taken advantage of by people I love. I find myself feeling as if I am nothing more to them than a provider of things. It makes me feel distanced. I recognize this as my feelings and maybe not how things necessarily are...but a good friend of mine recently said "feelings are just feelings....they aren't right or wrong". I can't help that I feel this way...but it really colors my reactions to everyday situations.
I feel like I lack stability. I've always loved change and flexibility, but always as long as I feel grounded. I don't feel grounded lately, I don't seem to have much to hold onto - nothing is permanent - I rent my house, I am a contractor vs. regular employee...so on and so forth. I don't have much that grounds me.
I'm sure of nothing else at the moment except that tomorrow I will feel better. I always feel better tomorrow. It's the dark that gets me. Every. Single. Stinkin. Time.