what a weekend its gonna be
hey all, its thursday night, nobody here except me, josh and christina. we ate thanksgiving dinner at mel's parents house, and mel stayed there. i think she stayed so she can go get her car in the morning. so anyway, im just sitting here thinking about what we are gonna do this weekend. but im also thinking about the next couple of years or whatever. i mean, i wanna stay here, i like this area, but i dont want to stay if i have nothing to stay for. i thought i did, i was going to go back to ODU and finish school, but thinking about it, i can go to just about any school i want with the GI bill paying for my college, plus the money i am getting in like 5 years from my ex. im actually thinking about a lot of stuff though, like how my life could be so different. sometimes i wish i had never joined the navy, and taken the job with my dad, and helped him out. his business is his life, and i didnt know what it meant to dedicate your life to something and sacrifice your family for it. its not that he wants to be gone all the time, but he knows that if he does not do what he does, which is work not stop, then who will pay the bills and give mom a new car every year, ye, she is selfish like that. my dad originally offered to pay me close to $45,000 a year, i didnt want to work for him because i thought it would be weird working for him, but i wish i had, then i would have the freedom that i dont have now. i pretty much have to do whatever the navy tells me to do, like go on this three day boat trip that just happens to be one day before, and one day after my birthday, sucks ass. oh well, shit happens, then you get depends, thats what my dad always says.
im not just thinking about that though, im also thinking about the whole thing that happened like 2 weekends ago with me and christina. i mean, not trying to bring up old shit, and yes i am over the whole situation, but it really wasnt all my fault. if she didnt want things to get complicated, then why did she kiss me. by doing that, it made me think that she wanted to try and make things work. and it really is that simple, she should have never kissed me, and i would have never made such a big deal about it. but josh said it right, i should be more of an ass hole, so in this situation, im gonna be. it wasnt my fault that shit happened, it wasnt all christina's either, but the only one i heard apologize once was me, she never said anything except "your being an ass hole." and its not that i expect an apology, but it just seems a little weird that she made me think it was all my fault. and what really gets me is she said that she needed time to think, wether she wanted to be with josh or me. and then the second josh walked in the door from FL, she was all over him, gee, i wonder if she is still thinking...but whatever, im happy for them, i really am. im still optimistic on how things are going to work with me and amy. the whole candice thing will never work, because she lives with sarah, and i cant stand her, she is a miserable slut that just wants to fuck everyone on the planet, and thats just not cool. so hopefully amy will work. we are both kinda in the same boat, she just got out off a long term relationship about 4 months ago, and i just got out of a marraige that im not sure if im going to survive, im thinking, she is going to have someone kill me so she doesnt have to give me any money. so we shall see how things work out. talk to you later...esst ma chiza, ya.
im not just thinking about that though, im also thinking about the whole thing that happened like 2 weekends ago with me and christina. i mean, not trying to bring up old shit, and yes i am over the whole situation, but it really wasnt all my fault. if she didnt want things to get complicated, then why did she kiss me. by doing that, it made me think that she wanted to try and make things work. and it really is that simple, she should have never kissed me, and i would have never made such a big deal about it. but josh said it right, i should be more of an ass hole, so in this situation, im gonna be. it wasnt my fault that shit happened, it wasnt all christina's either, but the only one i heard apologize once was me, she never said anything except "your being an ass hole." and its not that i expect an apology, but it just seems a little weird that she made me think it was all my fault. and what really gets me is she said that she needed time to think, wether she wanted to be with josh or me. and then the second josh walked in the door from FL, she was all over him, gee, i wonder if she is still thinking...but whatever, im happy for them, i really am. im still optimistic on how things are going to work with me and amy. the whole candice thing will never work, because she lives with sarah, and i cant stand her, she is a miserable slut that just wants to fuck everyone on the planet, and thats just not cool. so hopefully amy will work. we are both kinda in the same boat, she just got out off a long term relationship about 4 months ago, and i just got out of a marraige that im not sure if im going to survive, im thinking, she is going to have someone kill me so she doesnt have to give me any money. so we shall see how things work out. talk to you later...esst ma chiza, ya.