hmph
So Kyla gave me full permission to read her MSN logs if I wanted to, so I took it upon myself to do so. The reason she's given me this permission is because of her past affairs and my lack of trust. She'd offered them to me so she'd gain back my trust. Too bad she's lost more of it, again.
I find one where she's talking to JW. I see that she's told him that she's better at pleasuring herself than I am, and another one saying that it's hard not to love us both. So, I'm thinking to myself "what do i do with this? do i just stop putting out (since she's SOO much better at it than I am)?" I can't talk to her about it as soon as I'd like. She's at her grandma's for the fourth of july. She signs online and I tell her what I've found. Kyla simply replies "believe me, i love you and only you". How can i believe her? she's said two different things. I'm getting really upset with the constant mixed, fucked up signals. I don't know what to believe and I don't know if I can believe anything she's said.
Then, she tells me she just told JW that i was bad in the sack because that's what she thinks he wants to hear. Again, JW takes priority over me: His wants are more important than and me. I don't know if I can believe she's not in love with him, I know i can't believe that she's not sexually attracted to him. I don't know what to feel. I've got noone to talk to about it, and kyla's not coming home at all tonight. Fuck me. I'm sick of feeling like this.
I find one where she's talking to JW. I see that she's told him that she's better at pleasuring herself than I am, and another one saying that it's hard not to love us both. So, I'm thinking to myself "what do i do with this? do i just stop putting out (since she's SOO much better at it than I am)?" I can't talk to her about it as soon as I'd like. She's at her grandma's for the fourth of july. She signs online and I tell her what I've found. Kyla simply replies "believe me, i love you and only you". How can i believe her? she's said two different things. I'm getting really upset with the constant mixed, fucked up signals. I don't know what to believe and I don't know if I can believe anything she's said.
Then, she tells me she just told JW that i was bad in the sack because that's what she thinks he wants to hear. Again, JW takes priority over me: His wants are more important than and me. I don't know if I can believe she's not in love with him, I know i can't believe that she's not sexually attracted to him. I don't know what to feel. I've got noone to talk to about it, and kyla's not coming home at all tonight. Fuck me. I'm sick of feeling like this.