R.I.P.
Life's pretty much laughing at me right now.
My mother spent December, January and February in the hospital.
And today my father called me to tell me my grandmother's dead.
I don't know if I'm sad, worried about my father (it was his mother), or just tired of everything, of how much this hurts. She didn't even like me, of all her grandchildren I was the one she had less contact with. She lived in another State - where pada-something lives - and was barely there during my childhood.
When my grandfather dies I didn't even cry, and my aunt was pissed at me. But last time I visited my grandma she was sad, and when I was saying my goodbyes she hugged me, and cried, and said she didn't want us to leave because she didn't want to be alone. This broke my heart a little, because I have this thing for old people. It doesn't matter how awful you've been during your whole life, I think everyone needs some dignity in their last moments.
And right now I can't help thinking she should have been sent to a better hospital, I should have visited more, and I just... it hurts in a way I never thought it would hurt, and I can't stop crying as I write this.
I just... I don't know.
She was so strong, tough, and sometimes even mean. She made my father's childhood hell but if I could, I'd hug her right now. It's bad enough to know I won't be able to say my goodbyes.
Sorry for the bad grammar, I'm not thinking straight now.
It hurts.
My mother spent December, January and February in the hospital.
And today my father called me to tell me my grandmother's dead.
I don't know if I'm sad, worried about my father (it was his mother), or just tired of everything, of how much this hurts. She didn't even like me, of all her grandchildren I was the one she had less contact with. She lived in another State - where pada-something lives - and was barely there during my childhood.
When my grandfather dies I didn't even cry, and my aunt was pissed at me. But last time I visited my grandma she was sad, and when I was saying my goodbyes she hugged me, and cried, and said she didn't want us to leave because she didn't want to be alone. This broke my heart a little, because I have this thing for old people. It doesn't matter how awful you've been during your whole life, I think everyone needs some dignity in their last moments.
And right now I can't help thinking she should have been sent to a better hospital, I should have visited more, and I just... it hurts in a way I never thought it would hurt, and I can't stop crying as I write this.
I just... I don't know.
She was so strong, tough, and sometimes even mean. She made my father's childhood hell but if I could, I'd hug her right now. It's bad enough to know I won't be able to say my goodbyes.
Sorry for the bad grammar, I'm not thinking straight now.
It hurts.