(no subject)
Okay, so I figured that I would actually post something here instead of images or short bursts of shiny happy rage. School is almost over. Nine days until exams. Nine. That is so ridiculous. I have so much that I need to do. I need to set up Senior Portraits, go to WHS's graduation (if anyone invites me), go to Emily's graduation, dye my hair. CUT my hair, get ready to go to GSW for six weeks, quit my job, the list goes on and on.
But, at least I'm happy. And by happy I do mean HAPPY. It's an understatement of how I feel. How I am. Well, to a point. In Greensboro I am truly happy. Last night I was kind of pretty happy. But In Burlington I cannot be as happy as life would let me. It's not just the people here, it's the city itself. There is nothing here for me. No life. I mean, i love it because it's something familiar to fall back on but, really? I'm not coming back here after next year. You can count on that. Speaking of next year and leaving, I'm so nervous about admissions. And scholarships, and applying for them.
Speaking of school, I got into English Honor Society. Inductions are tomorrow night and by GOD if I can't get a sub sometime soon it will suck. I made my mole today for Chem. She's cute. I'm about to go write my little story on her. I made Mrs. Reynolds a CD today, too. Just because. It has extra lovely music on it: Regina Spektor, Bad Religion, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Cake, CKY, Modest Mouse, Hilltop Hoods, Grateful Dead, Foo Fighters, Metric, Neil Young, Immortal Technique, Electric Six, Everlast, Earth Wind and Fire, System of a Down, Tegan and Sara, Steve Miller Band, Rise Against. Mmmhm.
But, yes. Anyway. Kevin is amazing, and I sometimes believe I say that too much so that the meaning is nullified little by little but it's not. Not in my heart and not in my head. I don't even know where to begin with him, where to start where to end. He accepts me through and through and he knows me better than anyone else. It's so scary and so wonderful all at the same time to be able to be completely myself around him. And sometimes I beat myself up because I've said that to and about so many guys KNOWING it was a lie. Just saying to try and convince myself that it may work. Well, I know this is going to work. There's no doubt or worry or... dishonestly or dislike. No secrets or worrying about how I look or if whats gonna come out of my mouth next will be incredibly stupid. I don't care! He's all I could have ever asked for. Someone to hold and be serious with, someone to laugh at cripples and then joke about how we're going to hell, someone whom I can play video games with (and completely OWN at Wii sports). Someone who loves to cook and dances with me when I ask and will go to the beach with me "just because". Someone who gets me, who wants to look out for me and who can make me smile.
I will not fail school. I will not fail myself, nor my family and friends. I will make it out of here alive and I will prevail. I don't know if what I'm prevailing to will be anything of supreme greatness but I'm trying to, starting to, be okay with that. I'm starting to be okay with the fact that I'm not 100% sure of what I want to do, but I'm going to do it.
That's all, for tonight.
I hope everyone has had a moderately great weekend, and
a semi-good(as it can get) Monday, tomorrow. ♥
Goodnight, all.
But, at least I'm happy. And by happy I do mean HAPPY. It's an understatement of how I feel. How I am. Well, to a point. In Greensboro I am truly happy. Last night I was kind of pretty happy. But In Burlington I cannot be as happy as life would let me. It's not just the people here, it's the city itself. There is nothing here for me. No life. I mean, i love it because it's something familiar to fall back on but, really? I'm not coming back here after next year. You can count on that. Speaking of next year and leaving, I'm so nervous about admissions. And scholarships, and applying for them.
Speaking of school, I got into English Honor Society. Inductions are tomorrow night and by GOD if I can't get a sub sometime soon it will suck. I made my mole today for Chem. She's cute. I'm about to go write my little story on her. I made Mrs. Reynolds a CD today, too. Just because. It has extra lovely music on it: Regina Spektor, Bad Religion, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Cake, CKY, Modest Mouse, Hilltop Hoods, Grateful Dead, Foo Fighters, Metric, Neil Young, Immortal Technique, Electric Six, Everlast, Earth Wind and Fire, System of a Down, Tegan and Sara, Steve Miller Band, Rise Against. Mmmhm.
But, yes. Anyway. Kevin is amazing, and I sometimes believe I say that too much so that the meaning is nullified little by little but it's not. Not in my heart and not in my head. I don't even know where to begin with him, where to start where to end. He accepts me through and through and he knows me better than anyone else. It's so scary and so wonderful all at the same time to be able to be completely myself around him. And sometimes I beat myself up because I've said that to and about so many guys KNOWING it was a lie. Just saying to try and convince myself that it may work. Well, I know this is going to work. There's no doubt or worry or... dishonestly or dislike. No secrets or worrying about how I look or if whats gonna come out of my mouth next will be incredibly stupid. I don't care! He's all I could have ever asked for. Someone to hold and be serious with, someone to laugh at cripples and then joke about how we're going to hell, someone whom I can play video games with (and completely OWN at Wii sports). Someone who loves to cook and dances with me when I ask and will go to the beach with me "just because". Someone who gets me, who wants to look out for me and who can make me smile.
I will not fail school. I will not fail myself, nor my family and friends. I will make it out of here alive and I will prevail. I don't know if what I'm prevailing to will be anything of supreme greatness but I'm trying to, starting to, be okay with that. I'm starting to be okay with the fact that I'm not 100% sure of what I want to do, but I'm going to do it.
That's all, for tonight.
I hope everyone has had a moderately great weekend, and
a semi-good(as it can get) Monday, tomorrow. ♥
Goodnight, all.