Family's supposed to make you miserable thats why they're family...but I can't keep being miserable
I have come to the realization that I want my family to be proud of me.
My mother will be proud of me no matter what.
My father can't be proud of anything without relating it to himself.
My brother doesn't care or pay attention to my life so I'm not sure what he thinks.
My sister......my sister seems to barely be able to stand me.
What other impression am I supposed to get when I go to hug her goodbye and she visibly cringes away from me.
When she invites me over to the house when our brother's ex-girlfriend is visiting and then unsubtly hints for me to leaves multiple times.
When she mutters insults at me under her breath or even says them to me outright.
When she tells me to get out of her house when I am there visiting my mother (WHO PAYS ALL THE FUCKING BILLS) because she's sick of looking at me or I wasn't watching her children (which no one asked me to do and I get yelled at for interfering with her motherly duties..
When she complains that I need to get a social life beyond going to her house. But it never feels like its for my sake but more so cause she doesn't want to see me.
When she asks me to babysit her children but doesn't give me a set schedule and then yells at me for not doing something right. Something that she never mentioned.
I know that she's pregnant. I know that she's stressed. I know that she has issues. But I think whatever issue she has with me will never go away. And I'm just tired of it. And I wish I could yell at her. I wish I could scream and shout and throw things. But that would end in her feeling validated and me being nothing but a spoiled whiny brat.
I really have no idea how to make her proud of me. And I'm not sure she even likes me. And that realization hurts most of all.
I'm lost and I don't think there is a solution. I can't stand feeling like this any more.
My mother will be proud of me no matter what.
My father can't be proud of anything without relating it to himself.
My brother doesn't care or pay attention to my life so I'm not sure what he thinks.
My sister......my sister seems to barely be able to stand me.
What other impression am I supposed to get when I go to hug her goodbye and she visibly cringes away from me.
When she invites me over to the house when our brother's ex-girlfriend is visiting and then unsubtly hints for me to leaves multiple times.
When she mutters insults at me under her breath or even says them to me outright.
When she tells me to get out of her house when I am there visiting my mother (WHO PAYS ALL THE FUCKING BILLS) because she's sick of looking at me or I wasn't watching her children (which no one asked me to do and I get yelled at for interfering with her motherly duties..
When she complains that I need to get a social life beyond going to her house. But it never feels like its for my sake but more so cause she doesn't want to see me.
When she asks me to babysit her children but doesn't give me a set schedule and then yells at me for not doing something right. Something that she never mentioned.
I know that she's pregnant. I know that she's stressed. I know that she has issues. But I think whatever issue she has with me will never go away. And I'm just tired of it. And I wish I could yell at her. I wish I could scream and shout and throw things. But that would end in her feeling validated and me being nothing but a spoiled whiny brat.
I really have no idea how to make her proud of me. And I'm not sure she even likes me. And that realization hurts most of all.
I'm lost and I don't think there is a solution. I can't stand feeling like this any more.