because I don't
It seems like everything I do has gone wrong lately. It feels like all I have been doing is hurting people. I need to change. I hurt someone I loved really bad. It's hard to think about losing something and trying to comprehend never having it again. It's very hard.
I want people to realize if I say something I mean it. The truth hurts sometimes, but you gotta tell it straight. I hate that I have to touch the fire before I realize it's hot. In the last week I had to learn that the hard way.
I've been sick most of this week. Not just from allergies and sore throats, from being sad. Not knowing what to do. I just need to look on the brighter side of things.
I sent off all my applications today. I never realized how expensive it was to send an application. I've been thinking a lot lately. A lot about college in general. It seems like everyone is going in different directions. No one knows where to cling to, or who to hang on to. Boo's going outta state, Carrie and Dez are going to UK, Amandas off to Centre, Rissa's probably going to UL or Paducah, Emily's going outta state because her parents are going to move. The list goes on and on. We're all leaving each other. I will always treasure the memories we created together in high school, but when may comes, it's going to hurt.
So where do I fit in this whole mess? Me??? I always imagined my self at "my dream school" UK. Well dreams come and go, and other dreams become more important. Dreams change. Though I still bleed blue, in some way maybe U of L is the place for me.
I thought where my friends were going was going to be a big deciding factor on where I wanted to go...that's not so important anymore. I know in my heart wherever I go, I will be happy and have a good time. That's the important part.
I'm starting to realize, it's going to be okay, wherever I go.
I don't know what lies ahead in my future. I need to focus right now. I need to realize I have made mistakes. I wish so badly I could change the past. I wish I could go back and say things I wanted to say.
I'll go out on my hammock, make a wish on a star. I don't want to hurt anyone. I can't handle anymore of what life has been throwing at me. I need someone here to help. No one can help though.
This is something I'm going to have to do on my own. I've messed everything up, it's falling down in front of me. I have to look towards the future, and live for the future. I haven't felt like this very much in my life.
I hold on to something and then it leaves. Something happens...just like my brother. He left me here, and I can't take it anymore. That's why I let go, before the someone else leaves me. I miss him, and I wish he was here, he would be able to help me.
I know soon a brighter day will shine. These wounds will soon turn to scars and eventually fade away. You live you learn. Sadly, the only way I learn seems to be through experiencing it first hand. That's exactly what I did. I'm a better person walking away from things.
I have many different realizations. I don't know what I need right now though. My world has been up and down so much. It's hard to tell. Watch out Miss. Trainwreck coming through.
I woke up at 12 am and read Chicken Soup for the teen love and relationship soul last night til 2. I cried, a lot. I read about love, breakups, first kisses. It's a big dream world. I don't know at this point how to get what I want. It seems so far away...it can't be that far though.
Miracles happen. If you want something bad enough, a little time, will help you get what you want. I hope one day I can have my dream.
"Time can't erase a feeling this strong"
"You'll always be a part of me, I'm part of you indefinetly"
"You'll always be my baby"
Things will be so much clearer when I figure this whole college thing out. For now I feel like I'm in the land of limbo. Ever felt like that...I hadn't, I thought maybe I had, but never full on had I felt like I was in no man's land. That's where I am.
I need to quit looking at like in such a pessimestic way. I know faith isn't blind. There are a million reasons to look up. This should be the funnest year, and nothing should bring me down. I can't let it be like this.
I leave this trying to focus on the better things in life.
"All things will come with a little time, if you believe"
Though I feel nothing has quite fallen into place. I feel like I've got more of my thoughts organized by getting everything out in this.
Cold winter days, long walks in the park, laying under the fire, cuddling under a blanket while watching the snowflakes fall.
"There's a will, there's a way, sometimes words just can't explain...I'm afraid"
"The only light that shines there in the dark"
I'm not going to let anyone else get involved in my problems. They don't need to help me, they will only hurt themselves if they stay beside me.
"Feels like I'm starting all over again"
I had to say good bye to someone I really cared about recently. It was so hard, and I don't know why. Knowing the way I acted, it shouldn't have been so hard. Needless to say, it was.
Am I the only person that's ever felt like this? No one else needs to know.
Walking away stronger, and smarter than before makes us a better person. Life throws you curve balls, but you have to take the hits. I have enough faith that I can be strong.
The truth freed me, it lifted a heavy load off my heart. In return something horrible happened. Was it worth it? Yeah it was. It was hard. I was strong, and though it was not all sunshine and butterfilies I faced the music and took everything that came with it. In a way I'm really proud of what I did. And it was worth it. Not just for myself either.
I know no one will get this...do you? (if you've made it this far, reread the subject line)
I want people to realize if I say something I mean it. The truth hurts sometimes, but you gotta tell it straight. I hate that I have to touch the fire before I realize it's hot. In the last week I had to learn that the hard way.
I've been sick most of this week. Not just from allergies and sore throats, from being sad. Not knowing what to do. I just need to look on the brighter side of things.
I sent off all my applications today. I never realized how expensive it was to send an application. I've been thinking a lot lately. A lot about college in general. It seems like everyone is going in different directions. No one knows where to cling to, or who to hang on to. Boo's going outta state, Carrie and Dez are going to UK, Amandas off to Centre, Rissa's probably going to UL or Paducah, Emily's going outta state because her parents are going to move. The list goes on and on. We're all leaving each other. I will always treasure the memories we created together in high school, but when may comes, it's going to hurt.
So where do I fit in this whole mess? Me??? I always imagined my self at "my dream school" UK. Well dreams come and go, and other dreams become more important. Dreams change. Though I still bleed blue, in some way maybe U of L is the place for me.
I thought where my friends were going was going to be a big deciding factor on where I wanted to go...that's not so important anymore. I know in my heart wherever I go, I will be happy and have a good time. That's the important part.
I'm starting to realize, it's going to be okay, wherever I go.
I don't know what lies ahead in my future. I need to focus right now. I need to realize I have made mistakes. I wish so badly I could change the past. I wish I could go back and say things I wanted to say.
I'll go out on my hammock, make a wish on a star. I don't want to hurt anyone. I can't handle anymore of what life has been throwing at me. I need someone here to help. No one can help though.
This is something I'm going to have to do on my own. I've messed everything up, it's falling down in front of me. I have to look towards the future, and live for the future. I haven't felt like this very much in my life.
I hold on to something and then it leaves. Something happens...just like my brother. He left me here, and I can't take it anymore. That's why I let go, before the someone else leaves me. I miss him, and I wish he was here, he would be able to help me.
I know soon a brighter day will shine. These wounds will soon turn to scars and eventually fade away. You live you learn. Sadly, the only way I learn seems to be through experiencing it first hand. That's exactly what I did. I'm a better person walking away from things.
I have many different realizations. I don't know what I need right now though. My world has been up and down so much. It's hard to tell. Watch out Miss. Trainwreck coming through.
I woke up at 12 am and read Chicken Soup for the teen love and relationship soul last night til 2. I cried, a lot. I read about love, breakups, first kisses. It's a big dream world. I don't know at this point how to get what I want. It seems so far away...it can't be that far though.
Miracles happen. If you want something bad enough, a little time, will help you get what you want. I hope one day I can have my dream.
"Time can't erase a feeling this strong"
"You'll always be a part of me, I'm part of you indefinetly"
"You'll always be my baby"
Things will be so much clearer when I figure this whole college thing out. For now I feel like I'm in the land of limbo. Ever felt like that...I hadn't, I thought maybe I had, but never full on had I felt like I was in no man's land. That's where I am.
I need to quit looking at like in such a pessimestic way. I know faith isn't blind. There are a million reasons to look up. This should be the funnest year, and nothing should bring me down. I can't let it be like this.
I leave this trying to focus on the better things in life.
"All things will come with a little time, if you believe"
Though I feel nothing has quite fallen into place. I feel like I've got more of my thoughts organized by getting everything out in this.
Cold winter days, long walks in the park, laying under the fire, cuddling under a blanket while watching the snowflakes fall.
"There's a will, there's a way, sometimes words just can't explain...I'm afraid"
"The only light that shines there in the dark"
I'm not going to let anyone else get involved in my problems. They don't need to help me, they will only hurt themselves if they stay beside me.
"Feels like I'm starting all over again"
I had to say good bye to someone I really cared about recently. It was so hard, and I don't know why. Knowing the way I acted, it shouldn't have been so hard. Needless to say, it was.
Am I the only person that's ever felt like this? No one else needs to know.
Walking away stronger, and smarter than before makes us a better person. Life throws you curve balls, but you have to take the hits. I have enough faith that I can be strong.
The truth freed me, it lifted a heavy load off my heart. In return something horrible happened. Was it worth it? Yeah it was. It was hard. I was strong, and though it was not all sunshine and butterfilies I faced the music and took everything that came with it. In a way I'm really proud of what I did. And it was worth it. Not just for myself either.
I know no one will get this...do you? (if you've made it this far, reread the subject line)