Figured It Out
Not to blame anyone but I think I have figured out in a sense why I am how I am. Meaning why I don't take criticism very well and can be very defensive. It was all figured out this weekend in Vegas.
Bobbi and Patti are the typical older sisters whom pick on the youngest one. But here is the clincher, they take it beyond funny and keep going and going and going. Do they not see that they hurt me it really affects me. Do they not understand what it is like being an outcast in my own family. They are only 2 years apart I am 8 from Patti. They have no interest in me. I am sure they could care less half the time. Sometimes I just wish that they would understand how they treat me when they are together. One on one they are great but when they team up I just feel basically like shit.
I am not blaming them for anything but every time I think about it I just feel like crying because of the way I get treated. I want to be able to just hang out with them and have a good time. I can take some of their criticism and jokes but there is a point where i just break. Can't they remember when they were my age. I know that they did worse so let me live my life the way I want, wear what I want and do what I want. I feel like I have to live up to certain expectations just to fit in with my family. I feel like if I take 4 1/2 years for Psych and then another 3 for PT I will be a failure to my parents and my family. Do they not see that I am killing myself between school and work for them. Why else would I have two jobs and be taking the course load I am. I don't want to let them down but sometimes I just want to to prove a point and be myself.
Bobbi and Patti are the typical older sisters whom pick on the youngest one. But here is the clincher, they take it beyond funny and keep going and going and going. Do they not see that they hurt me it really affects me. Do they not understand what it is like being an outcast in my own family. They are only 2 years apart I am 8 from Patti. They have no interest in me. I am sure they could care less half the time. Sometimes I just wish that they would understand how they treat me when they are together. One on one they are great but when they team up I just feel basically like shit.
I am not blaming them for anything but every time I think about it I just feel like crying because of the way I get treated. I want to be able to just hang out with them and have a good time. I can take some of their criticism and jokes but there is a point where i just break. Can't they remember when they were my age. I know that they did worse so let me live my life the way I want, wear what I want and do what I want. I feel like I have to live up to certain expectations just to fit in with my family. I feel like if I take 4 1/2 years for Psych and then another 3 for PT I will be a failure to my parents and my family. Do they not see that I am killing myself between school and work for them. Why else would I have two jobs and be taking the course load I am. I don't want to let them down but sometimes I just want to to prove a point and be myself.