*great* Fic. I honestly loved it. Is this really your first fic? I'm impressed.
There's a couple of things I really liked about it. First, the setting - yes, dream/bunk/sleep fics are pretty common, but thats because it works well. You took it on, and fit the characters in perfectly.
Second, you didn't push it too far. You set out to write a night-mare/comforting fic, and you did that. Alot of people try to cram too much in, make every fic a steamy sex scene, or a dramatic fight, but you held back and kept this fic simple. My one criticism here is that some of Lee's inner monolog is a bit over the top. Yes, inner monologues are usually reflective, but don't over-load the reader with too much emotional musing. Short fics don't need to be padded either - keep it short and simple and let us imagine more for ourselves. I think on the whole, you do this well, but just be careful to make sure you don't over do it =)
Thirdly, you have a great understanding of the characters. I actually thought Lee was ok in this fic. I've noticed that in many fics, Lee becomes over emotional (and dare I say it, effeminate). In character, Lee is almost as emotionally distant as Kara - almost, but not quite. It is good to be aware of who Lee is, when you're writing him. Especially when you're doing Lee/Kara because Kara is so quick and flip it's easy to make Lee overly emotional to compensate. In your fic, I think Lee does go a bit further than he would in canon - but then, thats the point of fanfiction, right? And I think there is an extremely tender side of Lee, that wants to look after Kara (I think we saw that in Unfinished Business) - which he might risk letting out when she was asleep, and couldn't tease him or reject him.
Lastly, the inclusion of Hot Dog was perfect. Hi presences really completes this fic. Because it took the focus off Kara and Lee as a romantic couple, and really put them in an over-all view of the relationship between all of Galactica' pilots. Here is Hot Dog, watching this woman he looks up to cry in her sleep - and it scares him, and he doesn't know what to do. And then Lee steps in, and you're exactly right he steps in as the CAG should - to take care of his pilots. The line that absolutely got me was "”It’s ok. I’ve got it.”". Because it's that perfect mix of lovers and brothers-in-arms that make Lee and Kara's relationship so engaging.
All in all, a brilliant first fic. I'm very impressed.
Wow! Thank you so much for this lovely feedback! I'm so glad that you liked my story. I'm especially happy that you think I managed to get Lee (at least somewhat) in character.
Alot of people try to cram too much in, make every fic a steamy sex scene Ahem... You might not like the following two parts as much as the first one... Part 2 and 3 were not planned from the start though, I wrote Nightmare as a short stand-alone to begin with, and then I decided to write the other parts just to see if I could write that kind of fic.
My one criticism here is that some of Lee's inner monolog is a bit over the top. Thanks for pointing this out, I'll keep it in mind from now on. Or try to at least. :)
Thirdly, you have a great understanding of the characters. *blushes* Thanks! I think this is one of the most difficult things about fanfiction, to stay in character. It's so easy to write a character as you want him/her to be, instead of as he or she is in the show. To some degree, everyone also interprets each character from their own experiences, so what seems like in character to one person might not do so to another one. I'm so glad that you think I managed in this part. The other two parts of my story are much less in character, but I'm ok with that since I didn't aim for it in the same way as I did in this part. But since I did try in this part, this compliment means a lot to me.
Lastly, the inclusion of Hot Dog was perfect. *blushes even more* Thank you! The part with Hot Dog is the part I'm most proud of, at least it's somewhat original and I think I really got the atmosphere I was reaching for.
All in all, a brilliant first fic. I'm very impressed. This put a big, happy smile on my face. :-D
You are really good at giving feedback, and I don't just say so because it was positive :). I'm not good at that at all. I generally know if I like something or not, and if I think it rings true or not, but I have a hard time to point out why. You have picked out four parts to comment on and managed to express what you thought about them in a way I would not have been able to. I really, really appreciate it. Thanks again!
Ahem... You might not like the following two parts as much as the first one...
Ha! Actually, I have read both the second parts, and I think they make nice editions to this first one - a good progression. I will review those parts too, when I have time to do them justice (as you can see, I like to give a decent sized review!).
It's so easy to write a character as you want him/her to be, instead of as he or she is in the show. That is very true. Character distortion happens so often, it's real breath of fresh air to read a fic like yours that is much closer to the show.
You are really good at giving feedback Thankyou! I think one good deed deserves another. You put alot of time and effort into your writing, and we as readers get so much pleasure out of reading it! It's the least we can do to give you some decent comments!
I promise I'll review the second parts soon! Have you written any other fics? I'd love to read more!
Ha! Actually, I have read both the second parts, and I think they make nice editions to this first one I'm glad you didn't hate them. :)
It's the least we can do to give you some decent comments! It's very nice to recieve feedback, but as I'm lousy at giving it myself I don't expect anything. I really appreciate the time and effort you put into your comments. Thank you!
Have you written any other fics? I have written a short fic called Pear. It's also a Lee/Kara fic, set before the mini-series.
There's a couple of things I really liked about it. First, the setting - yes, dream/bunk/sleep fics are pretty common, but thats because it works well. You took it on, and fit the characters in perfectly.
Second, you didn't push it too far. You set out to write a night-mare/comforting fic, and you did that. Alot of people try to cram too much in, make every fic a steamy sex scene, or a dramatic fight, but you held back and kept this fic simple. My one criticism here is that some of Lee's inner monolog is a bit over the top. Yes, inner monologues are usually reflective, but don't over-load the reader with too much emotional musing. Short fics don't need to be padded either - keep it short and simple and let us imagine more for ourselves. I think on the whole, you do this well, but just be careful to make sure you don't over do it =)
Thirdly, you have a great understanding of the characters. I actually thought Lee was ok in this fic. I've noticed that in many fics, Lee becomes over emotional (and dare I say it, effeminate). In character, Lee is almost as emotionally distant as Kara - almost, but not quite. It is good to be aware of who Lee is, when you're writing him. Especially when you're doing Lee/Kara because Kara is so quick and flip it's easy to make Lee overly emotional to compensate. In your fic, I think Lee does go a bit further than he would in canon - but then, thats the point of fanfiction, right? And I think there is an extremely tender side of Lee, that wants to look after Kara (I think we saw that in Unfinished Business) - which he might risk letting out when she was asleep, and couldn't tease him or reject him.
Lastly, the inclusion of Hot Dog was perfect. Hi presences really completes this fic. Because it took the focus off Kara and Lee as a romantic couple, and really put them in an over-all view of the relationship between all of Galactica' pilots. Here is Hot Dog, watching this woman he looks up to cry in her sleep - and it scares him, and he doesn't know what to do. And then Lee steps in, and you're exactly right he steps in as the CAG should - to take care of his pilots. The line that absolutely got me was "”It’s ok. I’ve got it.”". Because it's that perfect mix of lovers and brothers-in-arms that make Lee and Kara's relationship so engaging.
All in all, a brilliant first fic. I'm very impressed.
Reply
Alot of people try to cram too much in, make every fic a steamy sex scene
Ahem... You might not like the following two parts as much as the first one... Part 2 and 3 were not planned from the start though, I wrote Nightmare as a short stand-alone to begin with, and then I decided to write the other parts just to see if I could write that kind of fic.
My one criticism here is that some of Lee's inner monolog is a bit over the top.
Thanks for pointing this out, I'll keep it in mind from now on. Or try to at least. :)
Thirdly, you have a great understanding of the characters.
*blushes* Thanks! I think this is one of the most difficult things about fanfiction, to stay in character. It's so easy to write a character as you want him/her to be, instead of as he or she is in the show. To some degree, everyone also interprets each character from their own experiences, so what seems like in character to one person might not do so to another one. I'm so glad that you think I managed in this part. The other two parts of my story are much less in character, but I'm ok with that since I didn't aim for it in the same way as I did in this part. But since I did try in this part, this compliment means a lot to me.
Lastly, the inclusion of Hot Dog was perfect.
*blushes even more* Thank you! The part with Hot Dog is the part I'm most proud of, at least it's somewhat original and I think I really got the atmosphere I was reaching for.
All in all, a brilliant first fic. I'm very impressed.
This put a big, happy smile on my face. :-D
You are really good at giving feedback, and I don't just say so because it was positive :). I'm not good at that at all. I generally know if I like something or not, and if I think it rings true or not, but I have a hard time to point out why. You have picked out four parts to comment on and managed to express what you thought about them in a way I would not have been able to. I really, really appreciate it. Thanks again!
Reply
Ha! Actually, I have read both the second parts, and I think they make nice editions to this first one - a good progression. I will review those parts too, when I have time to do them justice (as you can see, I like to give a decent sized review!).
It's so easy to write a character as you want him/her to be, instead of as he or she is in the show.
That is very true. Character distortion happens so often, it's real breath of fresh air to read a fic like yours that is much closer to the show.
You are really good at giving feedback
Thankyou! I think one good deed deserves another. You put alot of time and effort into your writing, and we as readers get so much pleasure out of reading it! It's the least we can do to give you some decent comments!
I promise I'll review the second parts soon! Have you written any other fics? I'd love to read more!
Reply
I'm glad you didn't hate them. :)
It's the least we can do to give you some decent comments!
It's very nice to recieve feedback, but as I'm lousy at giving it myself I don't expect anything. I really appreciate the time and effort you put into your comments. Thank you!
Have you written any other fics?
I have written a short fic called Pear. It's also a Lee/Kara fic, set before the mini-series.
Once again, thanks for the feedback.
Reply
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