Big Families
Thanks to this octuplet lady, everybody wants to condemn having large families. As the youngest from a large family, I have a biased opinion, but the whole situation is more complex than people claim.
Firstly, they all assume a large family means you get all kinds of extra money from the government. This is a silly assumption to make. I haven't seen statistics, but none of the large families I knew were on welfare or anything like that. I would guess that large families are approximately as likely to be getting government assistance as small families. While I'm uninformed in speaking about the larger picture, making the assumption is pretty prejudiced.
Next, they all complain that she had children that were handicapped in some way. My parents' second child (my older sister) is severely mentally handicapped. While it has cost my family a great deal of money, headaches and heartache, it has not hampered their ability to be good parents.
There are definitely good aspects to being in a large family. There is always somebody to play with. You learn to work well in a group. You know how to step up and get what you want. There are always tensions in families, but a large family can absorb the blow. One of my brothers is not talking to another. While they tend to not attend the same social functions, they both show up at the mandatory events and you barely notice they're not talking because they're talking to everybody else. As adults, when one family member is in trouble, everybody can help. Also, moving is a snap!
There can be downsides. Your opinion means a lot less. Sometimes you can feel a little like a number. Your family gets run like an army. In dysfunctional families, rivalries can get worse if people choose sides.
I think that everybody views their upbringing either as the best situation or the worst, depending on how it turned out for them. I see mine as the best. I grew up with a lot of support. I still have a lot of support. Family parties are a lot of fun with lots of people. Given this, it's time to decide what I'm going to do.
Of my older siblings, four are done having children. They ended up with three, four, one and two children. Not so ridiculous. I lean toward wanting more children. My wife is from a family with two kids and leans toward smaller. It looks like four might be our compromise (I think we've agreed on that as the maximum). Our kids will have a lot of cousins in the area, which helps create the support network of large families. And we worry about the resources.
Environmentalists (I am one) turn up their noses at large families. They're right that overcrowding is the single biggest environmental issue. However, it uses less resources per child to raise a large family. Two or three children to a bedroom, one video game system for the whole house, all of this adds up to less resources per child. Plus, we have a built in carpool. However, eventually, these children will leave the house and become individual adults. Sure, we're still more likely to carpool than other people, but we're still using 95% of the resources of any average adult.
Adoption is also a likely idea. My parents only had five children naturally and adopted the rest. My wife is very open to adoption. If we feel like we have so much love to give and share, why not share it with somebody who is lacking? Also, this is somebody who is already alive, so you're not using more resources than would already have been used. It's very likely we'll adopt kids.
The last thing that gets me angry is people who say that children won't be raised well if they're in a large family, that there isn't enough time. In some ways, there's MORE time. My older sister taught me to read. My older brothers taught me sports. My siblings babysat me, explained sex to me, helped find me jobs and steered me to the right education. All but one of my siblings is a college graduate. All but one (the same one) has a "white collar" job.
I will say that none of my siblings are lighting the world on fire. One or two have been very successful financially for a period of time, but nobody is wealthy or famous or contributing things to the world that will be remembered. That's probably because when you come from a big family, family ends up being the most important thing. Hell, it's too big not to be. And consequently, your job is never your top priority. But you contribute in other ways. One brother coaches high school wrestling on the side. Another is a volunteer firefighter. My sister helps run a mommy group for single and disadvantaged mothers. One of them has served on the school board and community board. Another is in the Knights of Columbus. One teaches Sunday School. All are relatively active in the Boy Scouts. So, we're making the world a better place in small ways.
The truth is that in a big family, you have to contribute to the team. A big family can't be run by the parents. You have to cook, clean, babysit and anything else. You have to volunteer and solve problems before you're asked. These are the kinds of people who help contribute to society.
But I've seen a small family that works just as well as mine. My in-laws are wonderful people and the quiet intimacy of their family can be a welcome respite from mine. Neither type of family is better than another. But the small families are well-represented and respected. We big families don't have a voice. Trust me, some of us are pretty okay.
Firstly, they all assume a large family means you get all kinds of extra money from the government. This is a silly assumption to make. I haven't seen statistics, but none of the large families I knew were on welfare or anything like that. I would guess that large families are approximately as likely to be getting government assistance as small families. While I'm uninformed in speaking about the larger picture, making the assumption is pretty prejudiced.
Next, they all complain that she had children that were handicapped in some way. My parents' second child (my older sister) is severely mentally handicapped. While it has cost my family a great deal of money, headaches and heartache, it has not hampered their ability to be good parents.
There are definitely good aspects to being in a large family. There is always somebody to play with. You learn to work well in a group. You know how to step up and get what you want. There are always tensions in families, but a large family can absorb the blow. One of my brothers is not talking to another. While they tend to not attend the same social functions, they both show up at the mandatory events and you barely notice they're not talking because they're talking to everybody else. As adults, when one family member is in trouble, everybody can help. Also, moving is a snap!
There can be downsides. Your opinion means a lot less. Sometimes you can feel a little like a number. Your family gets run like an army. In dysfunctional families, rivalries can get worse if people choose sides.
I think that everybody views their upbringing either as the best situation or the worst, depending on how it turned out for them. I see mine as the best. I grew up with a lot of support. I still have a lot of support. Family parties are a lot of fun with lots of people. Given this, it's time to decide what I'm going to do.
Of my older siblings, four are done having children. They ended up with three, four, one and two children. Not so ridiculous. I lean toward wanting more children. My wife is from a family with two kids and leans toward smaller. It looks like four might be our compromise (I think we've agreed on that as the maximum). Our kids will have a lot of cousins in the area, which helps create the support network of large families. And we worry about the resources.
Environmentalists (I am one) turn up their noses at large families. They're right that overcrowding is the single biggest environmental issue. However, it uses less resources per child to raise a large family. Two or three children to a bedroom, one video game system for the whole house, all of this adds up to less resources per child. Plus, we have a built in carpool. However, eventually, these children will leave the house and become individual adults. Sure, we're still more likely to carpool than other people, but we're still using 95% of the resources of any average adult.
Adoption is also a likely idea. My parents only had five children naturally and adopted the rest. My wife is very open to adoption. If we feel like we have so much love to give and share, why not share it with somebody who is lacking? Also, this is somebody who is already alive, so you're not using more resources than would already have been used. It's very likely we'll adopt kids.
The last thing that gets me angry is people who say that children won't be raised well if they're in a large family, that there isn't enough time. In some ways, there's MORE time. My older sister taught me to read. My older brothers taught me sports. My siblings babysat me, explained sex to me, helped find me jobs and steered me to the right education. All but one of my siblings is a college graduate. All but one (the same one) has a "white collar" job.
I will say that none of my siblings are lighting the world on fire. One or two have been very successful financially for a period of time, but nobody is wealthy or famous or contributing things to the world that will be remembered. That's probably because when you come from a big family, family ends up being the most important thing. Hell, it's too big not to be. And consequently, your job is never your top priority. But you contribute in other ways. One brother coaches high school wrestling on the side. Another is a volunteer firefighter. My sister helps run a mommy group for single and disadvantaged mothers. One of them has served on the school board and community board. Another is in the Knights of Columbus. One teaches Sunday School. All are relatively active in the Boy Scouts. So, we're making the world a better place in small ways.
The truth is that in a big family, you have to contribute to the team. A big family can't be run by the parents. You have to cook, clean, babysit and anything else. You have to volunteer and solve problems before you're asked. These are the kinds of people who help contribute to society.
But I've seen a small family that works just as well as mine. My in-laws are wonderful people and the quiet intimacy of their family can be a welcome respite from mine. Neither type of family is better than another. But the small families are well-represented and respected. We big families don't have a voice. Trust me, some of us are pretty okay.