i want a moment to be real.
so i got that job that i applied for and everything which is pretty cool, i need to start saving up the money. i was supposed to start this week but i guess getting background checks done took a little longer then expected so kim and i start tuesday of next week. the hours are kinda blah for the first week but it's training so there's not much you can do about it i suppose. at least we have some extra hours going in.
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.....have you ever felt so completely out of place? then when you try to adapt to the surroundings you just feel like it would be better if you weren't there at all? it's been a reoccurring experience. or when you try to explain something to someone who already has their mind made up and words just aren't enough. no matter how many times you state your opinion it's called a lie or just plain wrong. i despise double standards and i despise black mail.
it just seems like lately i've been having to rely solely on myself. not that it's always a bad thing but it just appears that everyone else is getting the support they need but me. so i'm trapped somewhere between trying to grow up on my own terms and being confused constantly because i never really have any straight guidance. discussions become arguments and in the end i'm no better off then where i was before the talking even started.
i tried to fill the void with people (both family and friends) and i'm finding that i'm being let down on both fronts. so if not there, where do i turn? and an even better question, how long does this very akward stage in my life end? is there a way to speed through the process a little? the more it continues the more i loose hope.
probably just my melodramatic self venting as usual (it's usually at night), but i'm going to be 19 soon (in august) and i feel like little has changed since i was 16 or 17. leaves me in a pretty distressed state.
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.....have you ever felt so completely out of place? then when you try to adapt to the surroundings you just feel like it would be better if you weren't there at all? it's been a reoccurring experience. or when you try to explain something to someone who already has their mind made up and words just aren't enough. no matter how many times you state your opinion it's called a lie or just plain wrong. i despise double standards and i despise black mail.
it just seems like lately i've been having to rely solely on myself. not that it's always a bad thing but it just appears that everyone else is getting the support they need but me. so i'm trapped somewhere between trying to grow up on my own terms and being confused constantly because i never really have any straight guidance. discussions become arguments and in the end i'm no better off then where i was before the talking even started.
i tried to fill the void with people (both family and friends) and i'm finding that i'm being let down on both fronts. so if not there, where do i turn? and an even better question, how long does this very akward stage in my life end? is there a way to speed through the process a little? the more it continues the more i loose hope.
probably just my melodramatic self venting as usual (it's usually at night), but i'm going to be 19 soon (in august) and i feel like little has changed since i was 16 or 17. leaves me in a pretty distressed state.