Bad habits, positive thinking
Why can't I get my butt in a chair and paint? Yet another day has passed without my putting brush to paint to paper. And why do I stay up late reading when I'm tired and really want to sleep? Last night was an honest mistake; I got so lost in my book (Bitten by Kelley Armstrong) I was stunned to the core when I offhandedly checked my watch and saw that it was 3 in the morning. I was tired at midnight! I wanted to sleep! And instead I stayed up reading, without even knowing it!
The old Annalisa is inclined to beat herself up about this, but the newly emerging Annalisa is fighting back. Let's look at the positive. I got lost in a new book that I enjoyed very much; there are much worse vices that people indulge on Friday nights. At camp I give the kids my all and it was my turn to have fun. I also learned some things about writing, which I drank in even while being caught up in the story. On the painting front, here's a positive: first thing I did when I woke up (well, maybe I visited the bathroom first) was draw a little portrait from a magazine ad. I've collected a thick folder of promising pictures for me to work from, both for practicing heads and for doing actual paintings.
So, that's the positive spin on my persistent bad habits. I also could beat myself up about not exercising enough, but then I remind myself that I'm standing and walking around for 4 hours straight each day at camp. It burns calories, even if it's not actual aerobic exercise. Also I went on a two-mile walk with my mom as dusk was turning to night. It was very pleasant and almost cool after a very hot day. Oh yeah and I deadheaded some of the rosebushes and cut some flowers from the hydrangea bushes in the back yard. The blue and purple blooms look lovely on the kitchen island.
Here are two other nice things about today: my mom and I went shopping at the Darien sidewalk sales and I got some lovely new earrings; then we watched Ethan Hawke's Hamlet. I've been wanting to see the whole movie since I got a small peek at it from my AP English teacher back in 2001. I'm glad I finally did, especially with my mom. It was a special treat for us to watch a movie together. We rarely get to do that.
I am trying to think positively, but I'm afraid that if I'm not hard enough on myself, I'll always be a failure or underachiever (same thing). The answer to that, I guess, is to work hard at developing good habits, which will then take care of themselves so automatically I won't have to be hard on myself.
The old Annalisa is inclined to beat herself up about this, but the newly emerging Annalisa is fighting back. Let's look at the positive. I got lost in a new book that I enjoyed very much; there are much worse vices that people indulge on Friday nights. At camp I give the kids my all and it was my turn to have fun. I also learned some things about writing, which I drank in even while being caught up in the story. On the painting front, here's a positive: first thing I did when I woke up (well, maybe I visited the bathroom first) was draw a little portrait from a magazine ad. I've collected a thick folder of promising pictures for me to work from, both for practicing heads and for doing actual paintings.
So, that's the positive spin on my persistent bad habits. I also could beat myself up about not exercising enough, but then I remind myself that I'm standing and walking around for 4 hours straight each day at camp. It burns calories, even if it's not actual aerobic exercise. Also I went on a two-mile walk with my mom as dusk was turning to night. It was very pleasant and almost cool after a very hot day. Oh yeah and I deadheaded some of the rosebushes and cut some flowers from the hydrangea bushes in the back yard. The blue and purple blooms look lovely on the kitchen island.
Here are two other nice things about today: my mom and I went shopping at the Darien sidewalk sales and I got some lovely new earrings; then we watched Ethan Hawke's Hamlet. I've been wanting to see the whole movie since I got a small peek at it from my AP English teacher back in 2001. I'm glad I finally did, especially with my mom. It was a special treat for us to watch a movie together. We rarely get to do that.
I am trying to think positively, but I'm afraid that if I'm not hard enough on myself, I'll always be a failure or underachiever (same thing). The answer to that, I guess, is to work hard at developing good habits, which will then take care of themselves so automatically I won't have to be hard on myself.