HP fic: Of Touches Lost for the_eros_affair
Rating: PG
Category: tame slash, angst
Era: Post Deathly Hallows, post epilogue
Prompt: Harry to Draco, “I promise to let you do that again.” (If you take a close look, you can find the promise twice in the story. ;-D)
A/N: Written for the third wave of The Eros Affair. Thanks and eternal gratitude to nomango and jaelle_n_gilla for their sharp eyes and lightening-fast beta.
After reading the last book, I felt kind of stuck and had no idea what to write; so this turned out as an experimental piece of meta with subtext.
Word count: 473
Of Touches Lost
I refused to take your hand. At school, we were
Hunters for the Snitch - our fingers brushed, reaching for the golden ball.
Accio! I heard you scream against the howling wind and crouched deeper over my
Racing broom. Hermione was furious with my risk taking, but
Ron’s eyes gleamed when the victory was ours, his
Yearning to step out of my shadow momentarily forgotten. I refused to take your hand. Call it
Precaution from a boy who had just found his first friend. In the
Room of Requirement, we met again. We had missed
Other chances to shake hands. Your
Mother had begged for your life, saving mine.
Impossible, you say? She’d never fall that low? I’d say, it’s a
Slytherin thing, to humble oneself for the sake of one’s own skin. Braveness and
Eternal glory - that’s for those who won the war.
‘Temperate’ is not the word for what we didn’t have. I won’t
Obliviate you, because there’s nothing to forget but what was not.
Luxury in the war meant to
Eat in a warm house, surrounded by those I loved. I saw the
Tears in your eyes when Voldemort held court at your table.
Youth is not an excuse in the wizarding world.
Of course they would accuse me of
Underage magic. Of course they would accuse you,
Draco Malfoy, of attempted murder. Did you really think it would be
Over, when your side lost? Did you even pick a side?
They came looking for you, while your family sat huddled in a corner of the Great Hall at
Hogwarts. As everybody knows from ‘Hogwarts, a History’
Apparating inside the castle is not possible. Neither is Disapparating. Another family
Torn apart in the wakes of the war. For me there were
Always the Weasleys. Ron was my first friend, so
Ginny had to be my first real love. There was
Always Ginny to take care of, to make love to. I was
Infected with you, but I
Never saw you as someone to touch. The
Dementors were banned from Azkaban. You were still on the
Run from the Ministry. I read the papers. I still wanted to become an
Auror. There’s always darkness lurking in the corners. Even though now, all’s said to be well.
Could you stretch out your hand again, I would take it. I mourn what has never been.
Our sons live. I promise not to tell any lies to mine.
I remember. You once offered your hand in need.
I promise to let you do that again. You once offered your hand in friendship.
I promise to do better than last time. You offered a greeting to us all at the train.
I promise not to let our children down. Should you offer your hand again, I would take it.
I promise, but I can’t tell you.