A New Man (6/6) Tenth Doctor/Rose, Jack Rating Teen. Spoilers - AU from TCI
Chapter Six - The Best of Times
Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.
Charles Dickens
God, she hated herself right now, thought Rose. How could she do that to him?
She could hardly bear to watch, yet she hadn’t been able to tear her eyes away. Just sat there and watched him go to pieces, in front of the Prime Minister and everybody. She was like one of those people who slowed down on the motorway when they saw a pile-up going the other way.
She’d known about the Time War, of course. Well, thought she did. But to imagine him - her Doctor - destroying his own planet and every living soul on it was another matter altogether. No wonder he’d turned on her, and Harriet Jones the day before, when the conversation came round to killing a whole species. What was the word for that? Genocide, that was it. People got put on trial for that. But who’d ordered him to do it? And even if he was only following orders, would that make him feel any better about it?
She knew the answer to that. She tried to imagine being in the TARDIS and knowing that if you pressed one of those big red buttons he’d been having a laugh about just yesterday, that was it. The End. Everyone you knew, everyone you loved (because he must have loved some of his people, surely, even if they drove him nuts?) - just gone in a flash.
She had to hand it to Harriet Jones. The woman hadn’t batted an eyelid, though she must have been just as shocked. Maybe even more. Someone like Harriet Jones could imagine actually having to do that. She never could.
It was too difficult for her to look at the Doctor right now, so instead she looked at Jack. Had he ever had to watch a planet die? She knew he’d killed people - she’d seen it, and she suspected he’d found a way to deal with it, just like people did in the war. God, the War. It seemed like the most enormous event of all time to people here on Earth who remembered it, yet compared to the stuff Jack and the Doctor had seen even the atom bomb was tiny.
She should be concentrating. Harriet Jones was going on about plans, meetings, strategies. They’d finished the coffee now and it looked like this was the start of an afternoon’s work. What use would she be - a kid with no qualifications? Except Harriet Jones wasn’t like that. And they’d gone through the Slitheen invasion together. She’d earned her stripes. She might not be as good as Jack and the Doctor, but she was a heck of a lot more use than your average person her age. Even Mickey was.
But it was tough out there, wasn’t it? It was all very well for the human race to hide on this little world and not think about the evil and the chaos there was all over the universe. Expecting one knackered, screwed-up Time Lord to show up and make it all right. He probably liked doing it, in a way. It would make him feel a bit better about the other stuff. Still, that didn’t mean they shouldn’t begin to grow up. A hundred years ago, people younger than her had gone out and fought in the trenches, or signed up as nurses and ambulance drivers. They’d lied about their age to do it. Mum remembered that Granddad Prentice had been one of them, and she’d told her that he’d never, ever talk about what it had been like out there, and she mustn’t ask.
She understood that better now.
She was going round in circles. Getting nowhere fast. She wished the three of them could just get away and talk all this through. You could hardly say no to the Prime Minister, though, could you?
By the time Harriet had offered Jack a job, which was obviously what was going to happen, it would be too late. He wouldn’t just have a reason to leave the TARDIS; he’d have somewhere else to go. Now she was winding things up, inviting them over to Number 10 for a meeting. It was now or never.
“’Scuse me, Prime Minister,” she said, sounding like a little kid needing the loo.
Harriet Jones turned to her with a quick smile. “Yes, Rose?”
“Could we just have a few minutes on our own, please? Just the three of us, before we head off?”
The PM seemed surprised, but she replied, “Of course. Do you need to phone anybody? We’d need to discuss confidentiality, but…”
“No, it’s not that.” Rose couldn’t quite believe this was happening - she was asking the Prime Minister a favour. “You see, a lot of stuff’s just happened to us and we’re…I think we just need to talk about it. Not for ages, I know you’re busy.”
“What sort of things, Rose?” asked Harriet Jones.
Rose bit her lip and looked awkwardly at the Doctor, who barely acknowledged her. “We’re a team,” she explained. “We do stuff together. Isn’t that right - Jack? Doctor?”
The Doctor had has hands deep in his pockets - she was getting to know his gestures now, and that one meant “I care about all this but there’s no way I’m showing it in public.” But she looked at him until he was forced to respond.
“Yeah,” he said. “If it makes you feel better.”
Rose bit back a sharp reply and said. “Apologisin’ always makes you feel better. An’ I think at least two of us need to do that.”
Harriet picked up her bag. “Take as long as you wish,” she said. “It’s very important to get these things out in the open. Shall we adjourn to the lounge, Sir Alistair?”
“As you wish, PM. I’ve reached the time of life where forty winks after a heavy lunch does me no harm at all,” the Brig replied.
When they’d gone, Jack smiled in approval.
“Now that was pretty impressive,” he declared. “You never stop surprising me, Rose.”
“All right,” the Doctor said, suspiciously. “You’ve got what you wanted. Now, what’s all this about?”
“I wanted to say I was sorry,” she said. “For what I said to you. It was cruel and I did it to upset you. I’m really sorry.”
He nodded, nibbling a little on his lower lip. “Why did you say it?” he asked.
“Because I wanted to hurt you,” she replied. “Not quite as much as I did, but I wanted you to know…” Suddenly, tears prickled behind her eyes. Damn it, this was a terrible time to cry. “That sounds awful. You do know. But you were horrible and cruel to Jack and it made me angry.”
Jack said nothing. She’d expected him to come out with something about how she should just let it go, but instead he was looking at her like someone who couldn’t quite believe anybody cared that much about him.
The Doctor looked down, arms folded. “Right,” he said. “I see.”
Had she gone too far? Would he never quite forgive her? She pushed that thought away, because she needed even more courage for the next thing she had to say.
“What you said…what you said you did…”
“Stop it!” he interrupted, his voice hollow and fierce with disgust. “You don’t need to say it. You thought I was good. Well, I’m not. I know you won’t want to have anything more to do with me, and you don’t have to.” He glanced at Jack. “He’s a better man than I’ll ever be. Go to him.”
“Hey, that’s enough!” protested Jack. “You don’t hand me over like a consolation prize and not even ask what I want. You don’t make moral judgements either. I’ve done things I wouldn’t want anyone to know about, too. “He took a deep breath. “Let people down. People who needed me, people I’d promised…”
Rose instinctively moved over to Jack and laid her hand on his arm. It wasn’t that she loved him more, she realised. It was just that he seemed so much easier to love.
She turned back to the Doctor. “Yeah, it shocked me. But I’ll deal with it, yeah? It hasn’t changed the way I feel about you underneath. It’s just made me feel a bit uncomfortable around you for a bit. Made me feel you’re a bit…wrong.”
“Right.” His voice was gritty as he bit down hard on his emotions. “Then you’d better go!”
“No! You don’t just leave when things stop being easy!” she said. “You do the opposite. You stay, and you talk things through, and you work it out because that’s what people do when they…”
She stopped, realising what she’d come close to saying.
But Jack had no such inhibitions. Inhibited wasn’t a word you associated with Jack Harkness, particularly where affairs of the heart were concerned.
“Love each other?” he finished, with a mischievous raising of the eyebrows. “Maybe that’s what we’re dealing with here?”
Then he walked over to the Doctor and pulled him into an embrace. He kissed him - a long, proper kiss that said everything he’d been holding back for a long time. And when they parted, the Doctor still too shocked to say a word, Jack went on,
“Do you get it? Whatever you’ve done, people love you. Deal with it.”
****
The Doctor didn’t like people loving him. Especially, he hated them to say it because it made the fact much harder to ignore. It also meant that some kind of reaction was expected of him, so if anyone was ever brave enough to do it he’d look away, or mutter something non-committal like “Quite right too.”
For a while, he could get away staring out of the window, hands deep in pockets, trying to ignore the taste of Jack on his lips and what had just been said. Love - it was such a human thing, particularly the need to say it out loud and hear it said in return. But there it was - he inspired it in people and now and then it went a bit deeper than people thinking what a wonderful bloke he was. Here were two people who’d seen him at his worst, knew what he was capable of doing, yet still they persisted in caring for him.
Down on the pavement, four stories below, he could see that his old friend was back. The Ood, or the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come if you preferred. Telepathy was very useful sometimes - there was no need for stairs to run down, or for a telephone number.
Hello again, he greeted him. What do you think I should do about these two?
You need both of them, Doctor. One isn’t enough.
Fine with me. But what if they want to settle down here? Get jobs and qualifications, all those things that involve staying put? It would drive me mad; you know that.
Is it so difficult to have a home?
He hadn’t thought about that. For one thing, it hurt, for another, he had the TARDIS. But life’s an adventure, he protested. You can’t have adventures if you never go anywhere.
He detected a very small hint of impatience in Clarence’s reply. How much are you willing to change? To die alone and uncomforted - is that an adventure?
Well…Maybe Clarence had a point. He was brilliant, wasn’t he? He also happened to have the most amazing time machine in the universe at his disposal. Would it really be so difficult to make some compromises?
Doctor, you have nothing to fear but fear itself.
Oh, yes! He smiled in recognition. That was a brilliant speech, wasn’t it? Almost as good as the Gettysburg Address!
This isn’t about FDR, Doctor. It’s about you. Didn’t you once say that true courage consists of being afraid, but doing the right thing just the same?
You’ve got me there, old chap.
“Doctor?” asked Rose. “You all right? Come on, give us a hug. We won’t bite.”
“Speak for yourself!” protested Jack.
He turned away from the window and looked at the two of them. Rose, her whole being focused on him and his welfare. And Jack - incorrigible, vulnerable, courageous, loyal. Yes, he did need him. He wasn’t sure how they were going to handle the physical side of things, but they’d work it out. He thought about how many times Jack’s experience and charm had already got him out of hot water. How much easier it was to do the stuff he had to do when there was someone else around to back him up and look out for Rose.
Was it really so terrifying to have someone look up to you, to admit you changed him from a coward into a hero? It made you feel old and serious but, to be honest, if you were as powerful as him, that was probably not a bad thing sometimes.
Wasn’t like that all the time, anyway. They’d had so much fun, the three of them. They all seemed to make each other complete. It was a very human thing to think that the only relationship that can do that is being a couple. Very 21st century, too.
So he made a choice. He stopped frowning and instead he smiled. It felt amazing. Was amazing - Jack and Rose’s faces lit up like candles on a Christmas tree.
“Jack,” he said. “Can you forgive a stubborn, lonely old man who’s terrified of anybody getting too close?”
“No problem,” said Jack, “if he looks as hot as you.”
Then he turned to Rose. “And can you bear to share me?” he asked.
She giggled, and there went her tongue, tucked behind her teeth, exactly the way that drove him mad.
“Yeah,” she replied, “If it’s with somebody as hot as Jack.”
*****
By seven o’clock that evening they’d been closeted with Harriet Jones and Sir Alistair for hours, but they had the bare bones of a plan. Jack would have a base in London, a smaller one in Cardiff for monitoring the Rift, and a hand-picked team. They were already batting names about - Sarah Jane Smith, Jo Grant, some technical genius called Toshiko Sato. Mickey Smith.
“Now all we need is someone to fix the coffee and we’re good,” said Jack.
They’d give it twelve months. Make this planet their base, which didn’t rule out the occasional side trip, of course. Two out of the three of them were going to live a very long time - they could spare a year to get Earth on its feet. The TARDIS would be fitted with a special network so that everyone could be contacted immediately if a problem came up.
Rose would be fast-tracked through her A Levels. Harriet Jones, who’d apparently once been the Headmistress of a very high-powered girls’ school, was resolute on that point. Maybe she’d take an astrophysics course and come in on the technical side. Or perhaps she’d specialize in psychology, intergalactic law, or first contact scenarios. There were some great distance learning programmes around - the University of Alpha Centauri, for instance.
“Who’s paying for all this?” the Doctor asked.
The Brigadier tapped on the front of a file. It was marked “Highly Confidential.”
“Torchwood,” he said.
Jack looked like he was about to say something, but thought better of it.
“You heard of them before?” Rose asked him.
“Yeah, since you ask,” Jack replied. “Was a Torchwood Foundation scholarship that got me started at the Time Agents Academy.” Seeing the Doctor and Rose were showing an interest - after all, it was the first time he’d ever mentioned his past - he clammed up again. “Won’t be the same outfit, though. Not after all that time.”
“No, that would be pushing it a bit,” the Brig agreed. “Set up by Queen Victoria, this lot were, back in 1879. He opened the file, “Here it is, in Her Majesty’s very own words. ‘I saw last night, that Great Britain has allies beyond imagination. I propose an institute to investigate these inspiring happenings and to ensure that they benefit humanity. I would call it 'Torchwood'. The Torchwood Institute.’”
“Queen Victoria knew about aliens?” Rose gasped. Then she looked at the Doctor. “Doctor, what have you been up to?”
“Nothing to do with me,” he said, though she wasn’t sure she entirely believed him. “Of course, it maybe hasn’t happened yet.”
“Jolly interesting eye witness account of what happened at Torchwood House that night,” said the Brig. He looked like he’d got something up his sleeve as he turned the yellowed paper pages. “Seems like Her Majesty had been having a bit of bother with something called a lupine wavelength haemovariform . That’s a werewolf to you and me.”
“Fascinating!” murmured the Doctor.
“Ooh, bet she wasn’t amused about that!” laughed Rose. Nobody seemed to share the joke.
“They do kill people, you know,” Jack pointed out. Chastened, Rose fell silent.
“Ah, well, that’s where it gets intriguing,” said the Brigadier. “Apparently there were three mysterious visitors to Torchwood House that night. One of them saved the life of Sir Robert, the owner of the house. The stranger’s life was despaired of, such were his injuries, but he made a remarkable recovery and in recognition of his valour the Queen dubbed him Sir Jack of Boeshane.”
“Well, how about that!” Rose looked at Jack with pride.
The Doctor seemed more subdued. “Boeshane, eh? Was that the Boeshane Peninsula?”
Jack nodded. He didn’t seem to want to talk about it. “You did mention three visitors,” he reminded the Brigadier.
“Ah yes, I was coming to that. The other two were also honoured - as Sir Doctor of TARDIS and Dame Rose of the Powell Estate.” He took off his spectacles and looked at Rose, with a smile playing on his lips. “Miss Tyler, you were specifically praised by Her Majesty for your modesty and decorum.”
There were exclamations and laughter all around the table at that.
“I think we’d better stop there,” said the Doctor, one half of his mouth crinkling into a smile. “Spoilers, you know.”
****
The three of them were walking over Westminster Bridge, half-heartedly debating whether to go for a curry or take a ride on the London Eye. London was glittering and gorgeous, though Jack said he couldn’t quite get used to all the lights
Then the Doctor looked thoughtfully at Jack and said, “So. The Boeshane Peninsula. Not the best place to be in the 51st Century, that.”
“Why?” Rose asked, her grip on Jack’s arm instinctively tightening.
“Lot of wars going on,” the Doctor continued, his eyes still on Jack. “The Rutan massacre, for one. Scorched earth policy right across the Five Worlds.”
Jack fell silent, leaning on the parapet and looking down into the river.
“Who did you lose?” asked the Doctor, quietly, standing beside him and touching his back.
“Everybody that mattered,” Jack said, his eyes down on the Thames.
He turned around, folding his arms. Rose had never seen him look so lost. “Dad was gone in the first wave. Mom…well, that was later. You could call it a broken heart.”
“But she had you…” Rose began softly.
“Wasn’t me she wanted,” said Jack.
“Oh, I’m sure that’s not true...” she reassured him.
Suddenly, Jack pulled away and started walking, very fast, ahead of them. But the Doctor’s legs were longer, and they both knew a thing or two about running. Jack didn’t get far. He stopped, just a few metres ahead, and they found him with his hand against a street lamp, looking over towards St Paul’s with tears rolling down his face.
“I promised Dad I’d look after him,” he gulped.
“Who?” the Doctor asked.
“My kid brother. Grey. And then I let go of his hand.” He rubbed his forehead. “I had to go back to Mom and tell her that. She never got over it. Never saw him again.”.
The Doctor reacted first. “Jack,” he said, simply. “Oh, Jack.” Rose watched as he pulled Jack into his arms and let his head rest against his shoulder. It wasn’t that she didn’t care just as much, but this time the Doctor was the right person to comfort him. He knew about war, the terrible things that you did and would never forgive yourself for, no matter what was said.
“I’m sorry,” the Doctor said, quietly. “I’m so very sorry. It’s no use saying it wasn’t your fault, is it? Every day you’ll remember that moment he let go of your hand.” Jack nodded silently, and then he continued.
“How self-centred I’ve been. Thinking I was the only one who’d lost people - people I…loved.”
Rose moved towards them and placed her hand beside the Doctor’s on Jack’s back. “We’re here,” was all she said. Not, “You won’t lose us.” Jack had probably said something like that to Grey, but he’d lost him just the same. There were no guarantees - except that right now, for all of them, this was the right place to be and the right people to be with.
So they stood with Jack folded in their arms between them, until he felt better - at least, for now. “I’m glad you told us,” the Doctor said. “And I’m glad you’re not alone.”
“Yeah,” said Jack.
“What happened after that?” the Doctor wanted to know.
Rose thought that wasn’t a kind thing to ask, but it seemed to be exactly what Jack needed. “Oh, refugee camps, that kind of stuff,” he said. “That went on for about ten years. Then I had the chance to go for the scholarship. I’d had no proper education but they didn’t hold that against me.”
“That’s quite an achievement,” the Doctor observed. “Plenty of top-drawer students with everything going for them get turned down by the Time Agency.”
“Well, yeah, there was some publicity.” Jack’s natural vanity was beginning to seep through his grief and lift his spirits again. “Even had a film crew come over. They called me the Face of Boe.”
He seemed surprised when Rose and the Doctor gaped at him.
“You know, after that ol’head in a tank,” he explained. “You never heard of him?”
*****
Three weeks had passed. Rose had said a rather awkward goodbye to her mum and the Powell Estate; it was obvious, this time, that she wouldn’t be living at home again. Home now was the TARDIS. The ship had already fitted out a soundproof study bedroom for her and she was nervously awaiting her first assignment from the crammer that Harriet Jones had recommended.
Jack was out at one of the numerous meetings that had started to fill his life. Fortunately, he’d discovered an alien-friendly and extremely efficient temp, who’d become his PA. Okay, so he’d discovered her when she was accidentally teleported into the TARDIS control room in her wedding dress (the Doctor would never let him hear the last of it) and then there’d been some business with a giant spider and he’d barely managed to stop the Doctor from draining the Thames. But at least that had avoided the necessity of answering Donna’s awkward questions, and she already knew that the TARDIS was bigger on the inside.
Plus, it had reminded the Doctor that adventures tended to come to him, even if he stayed in the same place. He’d already crashed one of his old companion’s weddings and foiled the Trickster. Somewhere in the depths of the TARDIS, Sarah Jane’s teenage son and his friends were hanging out with K9, forming a band that played alien instruments and pestering to be taken back to the age of the dinosaurs.
It is remarkable how many things you can find to do when the alternative is ploughing through a reading list. Even hanging around the control room watching the Doctor pottering around could seem like an essential activity.
“You ought to be working, you know,” the Doctor said. “Not that I don’t appreciate your wonderful tea. The more tannins and antioxidants I get into my new bloodstream, the better.”
Rose wasn’t sure she liked listening to the Doctor fuss over her study habits. “Isn’t all that a bit domestic for you?” she asked.
“Since when have students been domestic?” he pointed out. “Learning on the job isn’t everything. A statement I never expected to hear myself utter and rather hope I never will again.”
“You really think I can do it? Nobody in our family’s ever been to college before.”
“Nobody in your family’s ever traveled with me before either, but that didn’t stop you. Oh, come here!” He pulled her into one of his big bear hugs. “I wasted my time at the Academy,” he confessed. “Barely scraped through my exams. Didn’t realize the value of an education until it was too late.”
“’S not all about book learning is it, though?” Rose asked.
“Well, mine mostly was. Apart from having to gaze into the Untempered Schism at the age of eight and running away screaming. Been running ever since. Still, I was one of the lucky ones. One of my friends went mad.”
It was the first time he’d talked about his childhood. It made her realize how very alien he was. He’d started his life with a different number of suns in the sky, surrounded by sights she could barely imagine. If only he’d tell her one day!
“What was the Untempered Schism?” she asked.
“All that was, all that will be and all that ever could be,” he said. “The raw power of the Vortex. It taught us a healthy respect for these things.”
“Eight’s a bit young, isn’t it?”
“I didn’t let my kids do it,” he said. She wondered if he’d actually realized the extent of the information bomb he’d dropped.
“What? You had…”
“Oh yeah. I was a dad once.” He slotted together the last piece of the instrument he’d been working on and grinned. “Ooh, look at that! A lovely little mini black hole that’d fit on your bedside table. I’ve wanted one of those for ages..."
*****
“Well, don’t ask him about it,” said Jack, when she shared the conversation with him later over coffee. “He’ll tell you when he’s ready.”
“Yeah.” She thought about Jack’s past, that shadowy little brother he’d lost, the moment he’d never get out of his mind. Sometimes all you could do was live in the present. It must be so difficult for a Time Lord to do that. No wonder he needed two of them to keep him sane.
“She thinks I won’t stick at it. Thinks people like us don’t do these things.” Rose replied. “But she has to have something to worry about, and at least she’ll be seeing more of me. I feel sorry for her sometimes. All she’s ever had is me, and now I’m leaving her behind.”
“Maybe she needs a new challenge herself? Did she ever train for anything?”
“Hairdressing. She always wanted to get a little salon of her own but it didn’t happen. And if she goes out to work now they’ll take her benefits away and stop paying the rent. It’s like they don’t want you to be independent. It’s easier to control you that way.”
“I’ll be earning more than I know how to spend,” said Jack. “And you’ll get an allowance while you’re training. Could be that her time has come.”
“That’d be nice,” said Rose. “Of course, what she’d really like is to have my dad back, but that won’t happen.”
“Never say never,” said Jack. “Who knows what’s round the corner?”
“Yeah.” She smiled. “But whatever it is, we’ll handle it together, yeah? All for one and one for all.”
“Travellers in time and space!” He gave her a high five. “Okay, now where’s that crazy, screwed-up alien gone?”
“Weeelll…” said Rose, noticing that she was already picking up a few of the Doctor’s verbal tics. “Either he’s nipped out for more Jaffa Cakes. Or he’s fallen into a black hole. Never a dull moment with him.”
Right on cue, the Doctor’s voice rang down the corridor. “Luke! Rani! Clyde! We’re here!”
“Where’s here?” Jack called back.
“The Late Cretaceous,” came the reply. “Ish. Hang on, what’s that mammoth doing there?”
One Hundred Years Later
Oh cold, cold, rigid, dreadful Death, set up thine altar here, and dress it with such terrors as thou hast at thy command: for this is thy dominion! But of the loved, revered, and honoured head, thou canst not turn one hair to thy dread purposes, or make one feature odious. It is not that the hand is heavy and will fall down when released; it is not that the heart and pulse are still; but that the hand was open, generous, and true; the heart brave, warm, and tender; and the pulse a man’s. Strike, Shadow, strike! And see his good deeds springing from the wound, to sow the world with life immortal!
Charles Dickens - A Christmas Carol
It was the end, but the moment had been prepared for. It was a very long time since the Doctor had regenerated as a result of old age, or indeed of his own volition. But the time had come, and he was ready to let his tenth body go.
Jack, of course, was by his side. Rose, too, in spirit, though not in flesh, for a few months ago she had died as she had lived with them, on her own terms. There had come a point where she no longer wished to delay her physical ageing - she’d accepted her human lifespan, pointing out with her customary wisdom that the main thing was that her life had been filled with adventure and love, and no regrets.
He would never forget her, of course. A part of him would never stop missing her or wanting her to be by his side. But that was the price you paid for opening your heart.
What he hadn’t realised, when he’d made his choice to let Jack and Rose into his life completely so long ago, was that the first opening of your hearts prepared you for so many more. Far from limiting your options, love greatly increased them.
Beside him now, preparing to recite the ancient Gallifreyan prayer of regeneration, was Jenny. She’d come into his life so unexpectedly, at a time when he’d been travelling with two short-term companions, Donna and Martha. Jack, Rose and himself had enjoyed a range of friendships spanning many species and times, though their love for each other had always been the bedrock of their lives. (Oh, there had been boundaries, as he’d found out to his cost when Jack had left him to kick his heels with Madame de Pompadour for a few months, and he’d missed them both desperately.) The balance between fidelity and freedom was a tricky one at times; what it boiled down to, ultimately, was that none of them would be allowed to inflict pain on the others without being called to account.
Though raising a family had never been part of their plans, Jack and Rose had accepted Jenny immediately - something that would have been far more problematic, he suspected, if they hadn’t been a threesome. It was their support that had helped him to confront long-repressed memories and educate Jenny in her heritage. Now the spirit of the Old Ones lived again in her and in the children she and Luke, her partner, would have one day.
Other children had joined their household as the years had passed. Alice, Tony, Harriet, Grey Junior. They had travelled from every corner of the galaxy to be here now. Each of them more than ready to take his hand, to tell him they loved him and to assist him through this sacred rite of passage, which he’d rarely if ever undergone under ideal circumstances before.
He was ready. Ready to begin a new chapter in his life, to give Jack the opportunity to travel with a younger man, one who wouldn’t succumb at the most awkward moments to breathlessness and gammy knees. Not that Jack had ever complained - he wouldn’t do that - but the Doctor knew he’d appreciate someone more able to run and, for that matter, perform more intimate acts with the enthusiasm and vigour Jack’s ageless physique could enjoy.
So this regeneration was his gift to Jack. It was the ultimate restitution for the way he’d once rejected him. His gratitude offering for death after death uncomplainingly endured on his account. And his final promise to Rose, whose last moments had been spent thinking of the people she loved most.
When you were old, you were allowed a few eccentricities. Nobody would argue if you told them there was a friendly ghost standing at the foot of your bed, someone who’d gently steered you away from the wrong path many years ago and watched over you ever since. It didn’t matter whether people thought that Ood Body was a figment of his imagination or a reality. The Doctor knew the truth - that he’d be there, as he’d always been there - saving him from his worst mistakes on the rare occasions when he wouldn’t listen to Rose or Jack, or they hadn’t been around to do it.
“Attaboy, Clarence,” the Doctor whispered.
Then he closed his eyes.
God Bless Us Every One!
.
Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.
Charles Dickens
God, she hated herself right now, thought Rose. How could she do that to him?
She could hardly bear to watch, yet she hadn’t been able to tear her eyes away. Just sat there and watched him go to pieces, in front of the Prime Minister and everybody. She was like one of those people who slowed down on the motorway when they saw a pile-up going the other way.
She’d known about the Time War, of course. Well, thought she did. But to imagine him - her Doctor - destroying his own planet and every living soul on it was another matter altogether. No wonder he’d turned on her, and Harriet Jones the day before, when the conversation came round to killing a whole species. What was the word for that? Genocide, that was it. People got put on trial for that. But who’d ordered him to do it? And even if he was only following orders, would that make him feel any better about it?
She knew the answer to that. She tried to imagine being in the TARDIS and knowing that if you pressed one of those big red buttons he’d been having a laugh about just yesterday, that was it. The End. Everyone you knew, everyone you loved (because he must have loved some of his people, surely, even if they drove him nuts?) - just gone in a flash.
She had to hand it to Harriet Jones. The woman hadn’t batted an eyelid, though she must have been just as shocked. Maybe even more. Someone like Harriet Jones could imagine actually having to do that. She never could.
It was too difficult for her to look at the Doctor right now, so instead she looked at Jack. Had he ever had to watch a planet die? She knew he’d killed people - she’d seen it, and she suspected he’d found a way to deal with it, just like people did in the war. God, the War. It seemed like the most enormous event of all time to people here on Earth who remembered it, yet compared to the stuff Jack and the Doctor had seen even the atom bomb was tiny.
She should be concentrating. Harriet Jones was going on about plans, meetings, strategies. They’d finished the coffee now and it looked like this was the start of an afternoon’s work. What use would she be - a kid with no qualifications? Except Harriet Jones wasn’t like that. And they’d gone through the Slitheen invasion together. She’d earned her stripes. She might not be as good as Jack and the Doctor, but she was a heck of a lot more use than your average person her age. Even Mickey was.
But it was tough out there, wasn’t it? It was all very well for the human race to hide on this little world and not think about the evil and the chaos there was all over the universe. Expecting one knackered, screwed-up Time Lord to show up and make it all right. He probably liked doing it, in a way. It would make him feel a bit better about the other stuff. Still, that didn’t mean they shouldn’t begin to grow up. A hundred years ago, people younger than her had gone out and fought in the trenches, or signed up as nurses and ambulance drivers. They’d lied about their age to do it. Mum remembered that Granddad Prentice had been one of them, and she’d told her that he’d never, ever talk about what it had been like out there, and she mustn’t ask.
She understood that better now.
She was going round in circles. Getting nowhere fast. She wished the three of them could just get away and talk all this through. You could hardly say no to the Prime Minister, though, could you?
By the time Harriet had offered Jack a job, which was obviously what was going to happen, it would be too late. He wouldn’t just have a reason to leave the TARDIS; he’d have somewhere else to go. Now she was winding things up, inviting them over to Number 10 for a meeting. It was now or never.
“’Scuse me, Prime Minister,” she said, sounding like a little kid needing the loo.
Harriet Jones turned to her with a quick smile. “Yes, Rose?”
“Could we just have a few minutes on our own, please? Just the three of us, before we head off?”
The PM seemed surprised, but she replied, “Of course. Do you need to phone anybody? We’d need to discuss confidentiality, but…”
“No, it’s not that.” Rose couldn’t quite believe this was happening - she was asking the Prime Minister a favour. “You see, a lot of stuff’s just happened to us and we’re…I think we just need to talk about it. Not for ages, I know you’re busy.”
“What sort of things, Rose?” asked Harriet Jones.
Rose bit her lip and looked awkwardly at the Doctor, who barely acknowledged her. “We’re a team,” she explained. “We do stuff together. Isn’t that right - Jack? Doctor?”
The Doctor had has hands deep in his pockets - she was getting to know his gestures now, and that one meant “I care about all this but there’s no way I’m showing it in public.” But she looked at him until he was forced to respond.
“Yeah,” he said. “If it makes you feel better.”
Rose bit back a sharp reply and said. “Apologisin’ always makes you feel better. An’ I think at least two of us need to do that.”
Harriet picked up her bag. “Take as long as you wish,” she said. “It’s very important to get these things out in the open. Shall we adjourn to the lounge, Sir Alistair?”
“As you wish, PM. I’ve reached the time of life where forty winks after a heavy lunch does me no harm at all,” the Brig replied.
When they’d gone, Jack smiled in approval.
“Now that was pretty impressive,” he declared. “You never stop surprising me, Rose.”
“All right,” the Doctor said, suspiciously. “You’ve got what you wanted. Now, what’s all this about?”
“I wanted to say I was sorry,” she said. “For what I said to you. It was cruel and I did it to upset you. I’m really sorry.”
He nodded, nibbling a little on his lower lip. “Why did you say it?” he asked.
“Because I wanted to hurt you,” she replied. “Not quite as much as I did, but I wanted you to know…” Suddenly, tears prickled behind her eyes. Damn it, this was a terrible time to cry. “That sounds awful. You do know. But you were horrible and cruel to Jack and it made me angry.”
Jack said nothing. She’d expected him to come out with something about how she should just let it go, but instead he was looking at her like someone who couldn’t quite believe anybody cared that much about him.
The Doctor looked down, arms folded. “Right,” he said. “I see.”
Had she gone too far? Would he never quite forgive her? She pushed that thought away, because she needed even more courage for the next thing she had to say.
“What you said…what you said you did…”
“Stop it!” he interrupted, his voice hollow and fierce with disgust. “You don’t need to say it. You thought I was good. Well, I’m not. I know you won’t want to have anything more to do with me, and you don’t have to.” He glanced at Jack. “He’s a better man than I’ll ever be. Go to him.”
“Hey, that’s enough!” protested Jack. “You don’t hand me over like a consolation prize and not even ask what I want. You don’t make moral judgements either. I’ve done things I wouldn’t want anyone to know about, too. “He took a deep breath. “Let people down. People who needed me, people I’d promised…”
Rose instinctively moved over to Jack and laid her hand on his arm. It wasn’t that she loved him more, she realised. It was just that he seemed so much easier to love.
She turned back to the Doctor. “Yeah, it shocked me. But I’ll deal with it, yeah? It hasn’t changed the way I feel about you underneath. It’s just made me feel a bit uncomfortable around you for a bit. Made me feel you’re a bit…wrong.”
“Right.” His voice was gritty as he bit down hard on his emotions. “Then you’d better go!”
“No! You don’t just leave when things stop being easy!” she said. “You do the opposite. You stay, and you talk things through, and you work it out because that’s what people do when they…”
She stopped, realising what she’d come close to saying.
But Jack had no such inhibitions. Inhibited wasn’t a word you associated with Jack Harkness, particularly where affairs of the heart were concerned.
“Love each other?” he finished, with a mischievous raising of the eyebrows. “Maybe that’s what we’re dealing with here?”
Then he walked over to the Doctor and pulled him into an embrace. He kissed him - a long, proper kiss that said everything he’d been holding back for a long time. And when they parted, the Doctor still too shocked to say a word, Jack went on,
“Do you get it? Whatever you’ve done, people love you. Deal with it.”
****
The Doctor didn’t like people loving him. Especially, he hated them to say it because it made the fact much harder to ignore. It also meant that some kind of reaction was expected of him, so if anyone was ever brave enough to do it he’d look away, or mutter something non-committal like “Quite right too.”
For a while, he could get away staring out of the window, hands deep in pockets, trying to ignore the taste of Jack on his lips and what had just been said. Love - it was such a human thing, particularly the need to say it out loud and hear it said in return. But there it was - he inspired it in people and now and then it went a bit deeper than people thinking what a wonderful bloke he was. Here were two people who’d seen him at his worst, knew what he was capable of doing, yet still they persisted in caring for him.
Down on the pavement, four stories below, he could see that his old friend was back. The Ood, or the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come if you preferred. Telepathy was very useful sometimes - there was no need for stairs to run down, or for a telephone number.
Hello again, he greeted him. What do you think I should do about these two?
You need both of them, Doctor. One isn’t enough.
Fine with me. But what if they want to settle down here? Get jobs and qualifications, all those things that involve staying put? It would drive me mad; you know that.
Is it so difficult to have a home?
He hadn’t thought about that. For one thing, it hurt, for another, he had the TARDIS. But life’s an adventure, he protested. You can’t have adventures if you never go anywhere.
He detected a very small hint of impatience in Clarence’s reply. How much are you willing to change? To die alone and uncomforted - is that an adventure?
Well…Maybe Clarence had a point. He was brilliant, wasn’t he? He also happened to have the most amazing time machine in the universe at his disposal. Would it really be so difficult to make some compromises?
Doctor, you have nothing to fear but fear itself.
Oh, yes! He smiled in recognition. That was a brilliant speech, wasn’t it? Almost as good as the Gettysburg Address!
This isn’t about FDR, Doctor. It’s about you. Didn’t you once say that true courage consists of being afraid, but doing the right thing just the same?
You’ve got me there, old chap.
“Doctor?” asked Rose. “You all right? Come on, give us a hug. We won’t bite.”
“Speak for yourself!” protested Jack.
He turned away from the window and looked at the two of them. Rose, her whole being focused on him and his welfare. And Jack - incorrigible, vulnerable, courageous, loyal. Yes, he did need him. He wasn’t sure how they were going to handle the physical side of things, but they’d work it out. He thought about how many times Jack’s experience and charm had already got him out of hot water. How much easier it was to do the stuff he had to do when there was someone else around to back him up and look out for Rose.
Was it really so terrifying to have someone look up to you, to admit you changed him from a coward into a hero? It made you feel old and serious but, to be honest, if you were as powerful as him, that was probably not a bad thing sometimes.
Wasn’t like that all the time, anyway. They’d had so much fun, the three of them. They all seemed to make each other complete. It was a very human thing to think that the only relationship that can do that is being a couple. Very 21st century, too.
So he made a choice. He stopped frowning and instead he smiled. It felt amazing. Was amazing - Jack and Rose’s faces lit up like candles on a Christmas tree.
“Jack,” he said. “Can you forgive a stubborn, lonely old man who’s terrified of anybody getting too close?”
“No problem,” said Jack, “if he looks as hot as you.”
Then he turned to Rose. “And can you bear to share me?” he asked.
She giggled, and there went her tongue, tucked behind her teeth, exactly the way that drove him mad.
“Yeah,” she replied, “If it’s with somebody as hot as Jack.”
*****
By seven o’clock that evening they’d been closeted with Harriet Jones and Sir Alistair for hours, but they had the bare bones of a plan. Jack would have a base in London, a smaller one in Cardiff for monitoring the Rift, and a hand-picked team. They were already batting names about - Sarah Jane Smith, Jo Grant, some technical genius called Toshiko Sato. Mickey Smith.
“Now all we need is someone to fix the coffee and we’re good,” said Jack.
They’d give it twelve months. Make this planet their base, which didn’t rule out the occasional side trip, of course. Two out of the three of them were going to live a very long time - they could spare a year to get Earth on its feet. The TARDIS would be fitted with a special network so that everyone could be contacted immediately if a problem came up.
Rose would be fast-tracked through her A Levels. Harriet Jones, who’d apparently once been the Headmistress of a very high-powered girls’ school, was resolute on that point. Maybe she’d take an astrophysics course and come in on the technical side. Or perhaps she’d specialize in psychology, intergalactic law, or first contact scenarios. There were some great distance learning programmes around - the University of Alpha Centauri, for instance.
“Who’s paying for all this?” the Doctor asked.
The Brigadier tapped on the front of a file. It was marked “Highly Confidential.”
“Torchwood,” he said.
Jack looked like he was about to say something, but thought better of it.
“You heard of them before?” Rose asked him.
“Yeah, since you ask,” Jack replied. “Was a Torchwood Foundation scholarship that got me started at the Time Agents Academy.” Seeing the Doctor and Rose were showing an interest - after all, it was the first time he’d ever mentioned his past - he clammed up again. “Won’t be the same outfit, though. Not after all that time.”
“No, that would be pushing it a bit,” the Brig agreed. “Set up by Queen Victoria, this lot were, back in 1879. He opened the file, “Here it is, in Her Majesty’s very own words. ‘I saw last night, that Great Britain has allies beyond imagination. I propose an institute to investigate these inspiring happenings and to ensure that they benefit humanity. I would call it 'Torchwood'. The Torchwood Institute.’”
“Queen Victoria knew about aliens?” Rose gasped. Then she looked at the Doctor. “Doctor, what have you been up to?”
“Nothing to do with me,” he said, though she wasn’t sure she entirely believed him. “Of course, it maybe hasn’t happened yet.”
“Jolly interesting eye witness account of what happened at Torchwood House that night,” said the Brig. He looked like he’d got something up his sleeve as he turned the yellowed paper pages. “Seems like Her Majesty had been having a bit of bother with something called a lupine wavelength haemovariform . That’s a werewolf to you and me.”
“Fascinating!” murmured the Doctor.
“Ooh, bet she wasn’t amused about that!” laughed Rose. Nobody seemed to share the joke.
“They do kill people, you know,” Jack pointed out. Chastened, Rose fell silent.
“Ah, well, that’s where it gets intriguing,” said the Brigadier. “Apparently there were three mysterious visitors to Torchwood House that night. One of them saved the life of Sir Robert, the owner of the house. The stranger’s life was despaired of, such were his injuries, but he made a remarkable recovery and in recognition of his valour the Queen dubbed him Sir Jack of Boeshane.”
“Well, how about that!” Rose looked at Jack with pride.
The Doctor seemed more subdued. “Boeshane, eh? Was that the Boeshane Peninsula?”
Jack nodded. He didn’t seem to want to talk about it. “You did mention three visitors,” he reminded the Brigadier.
“Ah yes, I was coming to that. The other two were also honoured - as Sir Doctor of TARDIS and Dame Rose of the Powell Estate.” He took off his spectacles and looked at Rose, with a smile playing on his lips. “Miss Tyler, you were specifically praised by Her Majesty for your modesty and decorum.”
There were exclamations and laughter all around the table at that.
“I think we’d better stop there,” said the Doctor, one half of his mouth crinkling into a smile. “Spoilers, you know.”
****
The three of them were walking over Westminster Bridge, half-heartedly debating whether to go for a curry or take a ride on the London Eye. London was glittering and gorgeous, though Jack said he couldn’t quite get used to all the lights
Then the Doctor looked thoughtfully at Jack and said, “So. The Boeshane Peninsula. Not the best place to be in the 51st Century, that.”
“Why?” Rose asked, her grip on Jack’s arm instinctively tightening.
“Lot of wars going on,” the Doctor continued, his eyes still on Jack. “The Rutan massacre, for one. Scorched earth policy right across the Five Worlds.”
Jack fell silent, leaning on the parapet and looking down into the river.
“Who did you lose?” asked the Doctor, quietly, standing beside him and touching his back.
“Everybody that mattered,” Jack said, his eyes down on the Thames.
He turned around, folding his arms. Rose had never seen him look so lost. “Dad was gone in the first wave. Mom…well, that was later. You could call it a broken heart.”
“But she had you…” Rose began softly.
“Wasn’t me she wanted,” said Jack.
“Oh, I’m sure that’s not true...” she reassured him.
Suddenly, Jack pulled away and started walking, very fast, ahead of them. But the Doctor’s legs were longer, and they both knew a thing or two about running. Jack didn’t get far. He stopped, just a few metres ahead, and they found him with his hand against a street lamp, looking over towards St Paul’s with tears rolling down his face.
“I promised Dad I’d look after him,” he gulped.
“Who?” the Doctor asked.
“My kid brother. Grey. And then I let go of his hand.” He rubbed his forehead. “I had to go back to Mom and tell her that. She never got over it. Never saw him again.”.
The Doctor reacted first. “Jack,” he said, simply. “Oh, Jack.” Rose watched as he pulled Jack into his arms and let his head rest against his shoulder. It wasn’t that she didn’t care just as much, but this time the Doctor was the right person to comfort him. He knew about war, the terrible things that you did and would never forgive yourself for, no matter what was said.
“I’m sorry,” the Doctor said, quietly. “I’m so very sorry. It’s no use saying it wasn’t your fault, is it? Every day you’ll remember that moment he let go of your hand.” Jack nodded silently, and then he continued.
“How self-centred I’ve been. Thinking I was the only one who’d lost people - people I…loved.”
Rose moved towards them and placed her hand beside the Doctor’s on Jack’s back. “We’re here,” was all she said. Not, “You won’t lose us.” Jack had probably said something like that to Grey, but he’d lost him just the same. There were no guarantees - except that right now, for all of them, this was the right place to be and the right people to be with.
So they stood with Jack folded in their arms between them, until he felt better - at least, for now. “I’m glad you told us,” the Doctor said. “And I’m glad you’re not alone.”
“Yeah,” said Jack.
“What happened after that?” the Doctor wanted to know.
Rose thought that wasn’t a kind thing to ask, but it seemed to be exactly what Jack needed. “Oh, refugee camps, that kind of stuff,” he said. “That went on for about ten years. Then I had the chance to go for the scholarship. I’d had no proper education but they didn’t hold that against me.”
“That’s quite an achievement,” the Doctor observed. “Plenty of top-drawer students with everything going for them get turned down by the Time Agency.”
“Well, yeah, there was some publicity.” Jack’s natural vanity was beginning to seep through his grief and lift his spirits again. “Even had a film crew come over. They called me the Face of Boe.”
He seemed surprised when Rose and the Doctor gaped at him.
“You know, after that ol’head in a tank,” he explained. “You never heard of him?”
*****
Three weeks had passed. Rose had said a rather awkward goodbye to her mum and the Powell Estate; it was obvious, this time, that she wouldn’t be living at home again. Home now was the TARDIS. The ship had already fitted out a soundproof study bedroom for her and she was nervously awaiting her first assignment from the crammer that Harriet Jones had recommended.
Jack was out at one of the numerous meetings that had started to fill his life. Fortunately, he’d discovered an alien-friendly and extremely efficient temp, who’d become his PA. Okay, so he’d discovered her when she was accidentally teleported into the TARDIS control room in her wedding dress (the Doctor would never let him hear the last of it) and then there’d been some business with a giant spider and he’d barely managed to stop the Doctor from draining the Thames. But at least that had avoided the necessity of answering Donna’s awkward questions, and she already knew that the TARDIS was bigger on the inside.
Plus, it had reminded the Doctor that adventures tended to come to him, even if he stayed in the same place. He’d already crashed one of his old companion’s weddings and foiled the Trickster. Somewhere in the depths of the TARDIS, Sarah Jane’s teenage son and his friends were hanging out with K9, forming a band that played alien instruments and pestering to be taken back to the age of the dinosaurs.
It is remarkable how many things you can find to do when the alternative is ploughing through a reading list. Even hanging around the control room watching the Doctor pottering around could seem like an essential activity.
“You ought to be working, you know,” the Doctor said. “Not that I don’t appreciate your wonderful tea. The more tannins and antioxidants I get into my new bloodstream, the better.”
Rose wasn’t sure she liked listening to the Doctor fuss over her study habits. “Isn’t all that a bit domestic for you?” she asked.
“Since when have students been domestic?” he pointed out. “Learning on the job isn’t everything. A statement I never expected to hear myself utter and rather hope I never will again.”
“You really think I can do it? Nobody in our family’s ever been to college before.”
“Nobody in your family’s ever traveled with me before either, but that didn’t stop you. Oh, come here!” He pulled her into one of his big bear hugs. “I wasted my time at the Academy,” he confessed. “Barely scraped through my exams. Didn’t realize the value of an education until it was too late.”
“’S not all about book learning is it, though?” Rose asked.
“Well, mine mostly was. Apart from having to gaze into the Untempered Schism at the age of eight and running away screaming. Been running ever since. Still, I was one of the lucky ones. One of my friends went mad.”
It was the first time he’d talked about his childhood. It made her realize how very alien he was. He’d started his life with a different number of suns in the sky, surrounded by sights she could barely imagine. If only he’d tell her one day!
“What was the Untempered Schism?” she asked.
“All that was, all that will be and all that ever could be,” he said. “The raw power of the Vortex. It taught us a healthy respect for these things.”
“Eight’s a bit young, isn’t it?”
“I didn’t let my kids do it,” he said. She wondered if he’d actually realized the extent of the information bomb he’d dropped.
“What? You had…”
“Oh yeah. I was a dad once.” He slotted together the last piece of the instrument he’d been working on and grinned. “Ooh, look at that! A lovely little mini black hole that’d fit on your bedside table. I’ve wanted one of those for ages..."
*****
“Well, don’t ask him about it,” said Jack, when she shared the conversation with him later over coffee. “He’ll tell you when he’s ready.”
“Yeah.” She thought about Jack’s past, that shadowy little brother he’d lost, the moment he’d never get out of his mind. Sometimes all you could do was live in the present. It must be so difficult for a Time Lord to do that. No wonder he needed two of them to keep him sane.
“She thinks I won’t stick at it. Thinks people like us don’t do these things.” Rose replied. “But she has to have something to worry about, and at least she’ll be seeing more of me. I feel sorry for her sometimes. All she’s ever had is me, and now I’m leaving her behind.”
“Maybe she needs a new challenge herself? Did she ever train for anything?”
“Hairdressing. She always wanted to get a little salon of her own but it didn’t happen. And if she goes out to work now they’ll take her benefits away and stop paying the rent. It’s like they don’t want you to be independent. It’s easier to control you that way.”
“I’ll be earning more than I know how to spend,” said Jack. “And you’ll get an allowance while you’re training. Could be that her time has come.”
“That’d be nice,” said Rose. “Of course, what she’d really like is to have my dad back, but that won’t happen.”
“Never say never,” said Jack. “Who knows what’s round the corner?”
“Yeah.” She smiled. “But whatever it is, we’ll handle it together, yeah? All for one and one for all.”
“Travellers in time and space!” He gave her a high five. “Okay, now where’s that crazy, screwed-up alien gone?”
“Weeelll…” said Rose, noticing that she was already picking up a few of the Doctor’s verbal tics. “Either he’s nipped out for more Jaffa Cakes. Or he’s fallen into a black hole. Never a dull moment with him.”
Right on cue, the Doctor’s voice rang down the corridor. “Luke! Rani! Clyde! We’re here!”
“Where’s here?” Jack called back.
“The Late Cretaceous,” came the reply. “Ish. Hang on, what’s that mammoth doing there?”
One Hundred Years Later
Oh cold, cold, rigid, dreadful Death, set up thine altar here, and dress it with such terrors as thou hast at thy command: for this is thy dominion! But of the loved, revered, and honoured head, thou canst not turn one hair to thy dread purposes, or make one feature odious. It is not that the hand is heavy and will fall down when released; it is not that the heart and pulse are still; but that the hand was open, generous, and true; the heart brave, warm, and tender; and the pulse a man’s. Strike, Shadow, strike! And see his good deeds springing from the wound, to sow the world with life immortal!
Charles Dickens - A Christmas Carol
It was the end, but the moment had been prepared for. It was a very long time since the Doctor had regenerated as a result of old age, or indeed of his own volition. But the time had come, and he was ready to let his tenth body go.
Jack, of course, was by his side. Rose, too, in spirit, though not in flesh, for a few months ago she had died as she had lived with them, on her own terms. There had come a point where she no longer wished to delay her physical ageing - she’d accepted her human lifespan, pointing out with her customary wisdom that the main thing was that her life had been filled with adventure and love, and no regrets.
He would never forget her, of course. A part of him would never stop missing her or wanting her to be by his side. But that was the price you paid for opening your heart.
What he hadn’t realised, when he’d made his choice to let Jack and Rose into his life completely so long ago, was that the first opening of your hearts prepared you for so many more. Far from limiting your options, love greatly increased them.
Beside him now, preparing to recite the ancient Gallifreyan prayer of regeneration, was Jenny. She’d come into his life so unexpectedly, at a time when he’d been travelling with two short-term companions, Donna and Martha. Jack, Rose and himself had enjoyed a range of friendships spanning many species and times, though their love for each other had always been the bedrock of their lives. (Oh, there had been boundaries, as he’d found out to his cost when Jack had left him to kick his heels with Madame de Pompadour for a few months, and he’d missed them both desperately.) The balance between fidelity and freedom was a tricky one at times; what it boiled down to, ultimately, was that none of them would be allowed to inflict pain on the others without being called to account.
Though raising a family had never been part of their plans, Jack and Rose had accepted Jenny immediately - something that would have been far more problematic, he suspected, if they hadn’t been a threesome. It was their support that had helped him to confront long-repressed memories and educate Jenny in her heritage. Now the spirit of the Old Ones lived again in her and in the children she and Luke, her partner, would have one day.
Other children had joined their household as the years had passed. Alice, Tony, Harriet, Grey Junior. They had travelled from every corner of the galaxy to be here now. Each of them more than ready to take his hand, to tell him they loved him and to assist him through this sacred rite of passage, which he’d rarely if ever undergone under ideal circumstances before.
He was ready. Ready to begin a new chapter in his life, to give Jack the opportunity to travel with a younger man, one who wouldn’t succumb at the most awkward moments to breathlessness and gammy knees. Not that Jack had ever complained - he wouldn’t do that - but the Doctor knew he’d appreciate someone more able to run and, for that matter, perform more intimate acts with the enthusiasm and vigour Jack’s ageless physique could enjoy.
So this regeneration was his gift to Jack. It was the ultimate restitution for the way he’d once rejected him. His gratitude offering for death after death uncomplainingly endured on his account. And his final promise to Rose, whose last moments had been spent thinking of the people she loved most.
When you were old, you were allowed a few eccentricities. Nobody would argue if you told them there was a friendly ghost standing at the foot of your bed, someone who’d gently steered you away from the wrong path many years ago and watched over you ever since. It didn’t matter whether people thought that Ood Body was a figment of his imagination or a reality. The Doctor knew the truth - that he’d be there, as he’d always been there - saving him from his worst mistakes on the rare occasions when he wouldn’t listen to Rose or Jack, or they hadn’t been around to do it.
“Attaboy, Clarence,” the Doctor whispered.
Then he closed his eyes.
God Bless Us Every One!
.