Thinky thoughts on our boy Dean. And the wailings of a fallen fangirl...
Usually I don’t bother with these sort of ramblings, mostly because I’m not terribly eloquent at getting my thoughts down on paper, but also because I don’t normally have deep, thinky, thoughts. However, when one is stuck in traffic on the way home from work, one’s mind does tend to wander. This is of course all speculation, I have no idea what’s going to happen (and don’t want to know) and Show likely won’t even go this route. But it doesn’t hurt to muse.
So under the cut are musings about our boy Dean - spoilers up to Ep14 and for a certain scene in the new promo that is floating about.
The scene that I’m referring to of course, is the one of Dean torturing Alastair. Now I know promos are often cut to be quite misleading, but I’m taking it at face value. That that is Dean, not mind-whammied or anything, and he is torturing Alastair who is possessing a presumed innocent. Why oh why would Dean, who has spent his life trying to protect the innocent, be willing to do this awful thing, regardless that it’s an apparent instruction from God?
1. I am not a John hater, far from it. But I do strongly believe that he is to blame for a lot of the issues that his boys face. Dean as we all know, would have done anything to please his father. To be as a strong a hunter as him and to earn his father’s praise. For his dad to be proud of him. What little we saw of John thought, I get the distinct impression that 9 times out of 10 he was not that kind of dad. That in order to keep his boys sharp and strong, John was more inclined to be critical when they did something wrong, rather than congratulatory when they did something right. It was kinda expected that they did things right. Now, where with Sam this just made him made, with Dean it made him try even harder. All he wanted was that approval and I don’t think he got it very often.
2. Despite all these misgivings within himself, Dean did become a good hunter. A damn fine one in fact. He also practically raised his little brother. So when in Sex and Violence Sam tells Dean that he is weak and coward, that Sam is a better hunter, mocking his time in hell and basically cutting Dean off at the knees - I can’t imagine anything hurting more. Everything that Dean holds sacred was ripped from him by the one person that he holds most sacred. The person he gave up his childhood and ultimately his life for. Yes, Dean said some harsh things to Sam, but it was nothing that he hadn’t said before so I don’t think they even compare to Sam’s cutting words. I also know that Sam is desperate, desperate to get revenge for what happened to Dean but even though he was under the influence of the Siren, those thoughts were there. Some part of him thinks of Dean this way.
3. Dean was a torturer in hell for 10 years. That’s longer than he’s been a solo hunter. I can only imagine that he became really good at it. And I also firmly believe that Alastair praised him constantly, told Dean how proud he was of him and basically gave Dean all the positive reinforcement he’s always craved. So even though this was coming from a hated, vile demon, deep down this was vindication for Dean. He can be good at something. He can make ‘people’ proud of him, and value his skills. He can be worth something. Sick and twisted as this is, people under extreme stress or trauma will latch on to anything to help ease the pain. In fact, part of his crushing guilt probably stems from the fact that he took some sense of pride in pleasing Alastair.
4. Now we come to the part where the angels say that they need him to get information out of Alastair. All of a sudden Dean is needed by someone. Needed for what he can do and for what he can give them. In his mind his brother doesn’t need him anymore - but it’s what makes Dean tick. Being needed. So even though they are asking him to do something so utterly horrible, he is willing to do it. It’s almost like he’s giving the big finger to Sam. “See, brother dearest? If I’m such a burden to you and your mission, I’ll go where I’m wanted and needed. I’m good at this so screw you!”
5. I am not a Sam hater either. I love Sam and I believe that ultimately he will be saved from going dark side. At least permanently. But I do believe that he is not blameless in all this and that he is partly responsible for many of the cracks that his brother is showing.
And that is why I think Dean is so willing to turn torturer topside. This could all be a load of bupkiss, but we’ll just have to wait until 12th March or possibly even the week after to actually find out why he is prepared to do the Angel’s bidding. I think it is wrong of them to ask him because it’s cruel and could cause irreparable damage to Dean’s psyche, but this would help me to understand why he would do it. *sigh* Only one more week to go.
Supernatural it seems, can also bring out the poetic writer in us. From last year my cousin (who I got hooked on Jensen Ackles - always referred to as His Hotness - and Show) has been hoarding episodes like a squirrel hoards nuts. She got as far as Long Distance Call and then stopped, saying she couldn’t watch the end of Season 3 until she had Season 4. Then Season 4 came along and still she resisted. Until Wednesday that is. This is the email I got on Thursday morning:
What can I say ......... it was inevitable. I saw it coming. Months ago I knew how this would pan out. But I was strong and resisted. Took verbal abuse from fallen souls, sat by whilst my spouse gave in to the force, But all in vain. Last night ...... I let it happen. The desire finally overcame me and despite knowing the price I'd pay, I gave in.
I thought I would be able to contain the force, to manage it within my timeframe, but I was sorely mistaken. And now? I'm screwed. I want more, I want it all. In the wee small hours of the morning I sat glued to my chair. Hiding behind the cushions, alarm on, drink in hand. Eventually when I could no longer keep my eyes open, I ventured to bed, only to be kept awake further by shadows moving above me. Yellow eyes watching through cracks in the curtains. Growling night crawlers baying at the doors.
As I rose this morning, dark circles under my eyes, the force struck again. Washing the sleep from my eyes and beating the world record for showering, I gleaned another hour before work. But now I'm hooked. Fallen. Past recovery with no hope. Can I last the working day? Who knows ?
And, it's YOU I blame. You Samantha. It's all YOUR fault !!!!!!!
ZZZZzzzzzzzzzz
Four episodes on Wednesday night, another on Thursday morning before work.
My work here is done. *g*
So under the cut are musings about our boy Dean - spoilers up to Ep14 and for a certain scene in the new promo that is floating about.
The scene that I’m referring to of course, is the one of Dean torturing Alastair. Now I know promos are often cut to be quite misleading, but I’m taking it at face value. That that is Dean, not mind-whammied or anything, and he is torturing Alastair who is possessing a presumed innocent. Why oh why would Dean, who has spent his life trying to protect the innocent, be willing to do this awful thing, regardless that it’s an apparent instruction from God?
1. I am not a John hater, far from it. But I do strongly believe that he is to blame for a lot of the issues that his boys face. Dean as we all know, would have done anything to please his father. To be as a strong a hunter as him and to earn his father’s praise. For his dad to be proud of him. What little we saw of John thought, I get the distinct impression that 9 times out of 10 he was not that kind of dad. That in order to keep his boys sharp and strong, John was more inclined to be critical when they did something wrong, rather than congratulatory when they did something right. It was kinda expected that they did things right. Now, where with Sam this just made him made, with Dean it made him try even harder. All he wanted was that approval and I don’t think he got it very often.
2. Despite all these misgivings within himself, Dean did become a good hunter. A damn fine one in fact. He also practically raised his little brother. So when in Sex and Violence Sam tells Dean that he is weak and coward, that Sam is a better hunter, mocking his time in hell and basically cutting Dean off at the knees - I can’t imagine anything hurting more. Everything that Dean holds sacred was ripped from him by the one person that he holds most sacred. The person he gave up his childhood and ultimately his life for. Yes, Dean said some harsh things to Sam, but it was nothing that he hadn’t said before so I don’t think they even compare to Sam’s cutting words. I also know that Sam is desperate, desperate to get revenge for what happened to Dean but even though he was under the influence of the Siren, those thoughts were there. Some part of him thinks of Dean this way.
3. Dean was a torturer in hell for 10 years. That’s longer than he’s been a solo hunter. I can only imagine that he became really good at it. And I also firmly believe that Alastair praised him constantly, told Dean how proud he was of him and basically gave Dean all the positive reinforcement he’s always craved. So even though this was coming from a hated, vile demon, deep down this was vindication for Dean. He can be good at something. He can make ‘people’ proud of him, and value his skills. He can be worth something. Sick and twisted as this is, people under extreme stress or trauma will latch on to anything to help ease the pain. In fact, part of his crushing guilt probably stems from the fact that he took some sense of pride in pleasing Alastair.
4. Now we come to the part where the angels say that they need him to get information out of Alastair. All of a sudden Dean is needed by someone. Needed for what he can do and for what he can give them. In his mind his brother doesn’t need him anymore - but it’s what makes Dean tick. Being needed. So even though they are asking him to do something so utterly horrible, he is willing to do it. It’s almost like he’s giving the big finger to Sam. “See, brother dearest? If I’m such a burden to you and your mission, I’ll go where I’m wanted and needed. I’m good at this so screw you!”
5. I am not a Sam hater either. I love Sam and I believe that ultimately he will be saved from going dark side. At least permanently. But I do believe that he is not blameless in all this and that he is partly responsible for many of the cracks that his brother is showing.
And that is why I think Dean is so willing to turn torturer topside. This could all be a load of bupkiss, but we’ll just have to wait until 12th March or possibly even the week after to actually find out why he is prepared to do the Angel’s bidding. I think it is wrong of them to ask him because it’s cruel and could cause irreparable damage to Dean’s psyche, but this would help me to understand why he would do it. *sigh* Only one more week to go.
Supernatural it seems, can also bring out the poetic writer in us. From last year my cousin (who I got hooked on Jensen Ackles - always referred to as His Hotness - and Show) has been hoarding episodes like a squirrel hoards nuts. She got as far as Long Distance Call and then stopped, saying she couldn’t watch the end of Season 3 until she had Season 4. Then Season 4 came along and still she resisted. Until Wednesday that is. This is the email I got on Thursday morning:
What can I say ......... it was inevitable. I saw it coming. Months ago I knew how this would pan out. But I was strong and resisted. Took verbal abuse from fallen souls, sat by whilst my spouse gave in to the force, But all in vain. Last night ...... I let it happen. The desire finally overcame me and despite knowing the price I'd pay, I gave in.
I thought I would be able to contain the force, to manage it within my timeframe, but I was sorely mistaken. And now? I'm screwed. I want more, I want it all. In the wee small hours of the morning I sat glued to my chair. Hiding behind the cushions, alarm on, drink in hand. Eventually when I could no longer keep my eyes open, I ventured to bed, only to be kept awake further by shadows moving above me. Yellow eyes watching through cracks in the curtains. Growling night crawlers baying at the doors.
As I rose this morning, dark circles under my eyes, the force struck again. Washing the sleep from my eyes and beating the world record for showering, I gleaned another hour before work. But now I'm hooked. Fallen. Past recovery with no hope. Can I last the working day? Who knows ?
And, it's YOU I blame. You Samantha. It's all YOUR fault !!!!!!!
ZZZZzzzzzzzzzz
Four episodes on Wednesday night, another on Thursday morning before work.
My work here is done. *g*